Stats: 35/m, married four years, 1 yo baby.

In mid-2016, I was in a really low place. I was in a giant city that I hated, my wife's bitchiness level was increasing, the sex was ebbing and I was depressed as shit. I was victim-puking on /r/deadbedrooms when someone red-knighted me about MRP. I had never really looked into the TRP stuff, since it all looked like a bunch of 20 year old douchebags trying to one-up each other; but exploring MRP was something of a revelation for me. Mostly lurking, I plunged in. This has been my experience over the last almost-2 years, for anyone in a similar position.

Step One was lifting, reading, and STFU-ing. The big importance and wisdom of this step has only become clearer to me with time.

At first, I wasn't sure how to get to where I wanted to be in my marriage - I wasn't even sure what that would look like. I wanted my wife to fuck me more, for us to have the kind of fun, kinky sex life we'd had back while dating, for her to respect me more. (Ha!) But the entry-level MRP advice sounded reasonable, and its sagacity became only clearer the further I went: STFU. Lift. Read.

  • I joined a gym. I got on a program. Paid attention to my diet. Adjusted my lifestyle around that. Committed. 3-4x/week.

  • I went on Amazon and picked up NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG and Rational Male. Between them, MMSLP was outstanding, but I have to say that NMMNG was one of the most eye-opening books I've read in along time. It made me truly realize who I'd become in my marriage. Holy shit.

  • Recognizing shit tests for what they were, I now mostly STFU instead of blubbering through some DEER bullshit. When my wife copped an attitude, I began charitably treating her like the child she was behaving like. Why respond? Who cares? STFU and disengage. Drives her insane.

After this initial stuff, it seems like a lot of guys want to sustain a steady pace of changes, because of course they're eager to get to the prize: getting more sex in their marriage. They go Rambo! Well, it didn't work like that for me. The process since has mostly more of the same: Lift. Improve yourself. Grind. That's it. That's how you get where you want to go. The most important parts to me have been:

Lifting: As I made lifting into a part of my lifestyle, I started to see gainz. Holy shit, that's fun. Lifting is now a whole part of my lifestyle regardless of my MAP. It's fucking great. All men should lift. I'm a 3-4x/week guy now. Over this time, I've dropped a ton of bodyfat and gotten much stronger.

Wardrobe: Tbh, I fucking hate shopping and don't really give a shit about clothing, but okay - I'm a grown man and need to invest more in my appearance. I bought new clothes. Changed my hair. Grew a beard. Looking better.

Aesthetic change has been gradual, but now, 22 months in, the fruits of my labor are clear. I look good. I'm much more muscular, have lost a lot of fat. Wife has scrupulously said nothing about this, but I know she notices: even her friends comment that I'm looking great, in her presence. IOIs increased.

Self-improvement: This is a long process that's completely dependent on you and what you do, but my thought process was: how can I improve my status? How can I publicly demonstrate my own competence and mastery? Do so in a way you care about, not necessarily one that your wife cares about. (Eg. do this for yourself, not your woman.)

Me? I settled on two things: I started volunteering a lot at a local charity I care about, and eventually was recognized for my contributions there. I also kicked off a big professional side project: a technical book, which was eventually published just this year by a major publisher. Huge accomplishment for me. I'm getting asked to give paid conference talks/trainings on the topic now. Cool. Side revenue!

Presiding: I've organized a men-only hiking trip with a group of buddies, which has become an annual thing. It's a ton of fun, and has also resulted in an ongoing group text that's honestly both fun and a source of support. I also organized a group beach vacation with a few couple friends for later this summer, where I'll get to play Mr. Goodtimes and the key leader for the group.

Ownership: I own my shit in my house. If there is shit that needs doing, I either delegate it explicitly to my wife or I get it done myself.

In the middle of this process, my wife got pregnant and had our baby daughter. There have been obvious ups and downs to that process, but on balance, I feel it's been a positive. I love our daughter. She's great. Being a dad is both a lot of work and also, to me, completely worth it. Frankly, I am kicking ass at dad-ing. Doctor appts, daycare, schedules, etc - I've got it.

So has all of this "worked?"

Short answer: no, not really! A drop-off in our sex life over the last year is to be expected (pregnancy, and then the first few months with baby), but it's more like gone off a cliff. My wife is just not interested in having sex with me. She does not seem attracted to me at all, really, and our sex life has all but completely dried up. Bitchiness level has increased. Coincidentally or not, she has much more explicitly embraced feminism (where it is convenient for her, of course) than she ever did before.

(Side note: I know that in many couples, women shoulder most of the childcare work. This is fine and proper, IMO, and conforms to my idea of the ideal division of responsibilities within a family. That said, in our family, I have taken on more than my fair share, and Mrs. Mithridates still complains and nurses resentment towards me because she thinks she still does an unfair amount. A ton of "New Mom culture" programs women to nurse this complaint, regardless of whether it's accurate in their own household or not. Fucking irritating.)

That said, her Dread level has risen. She has dreams about me leaving her. As the delta between our SMVs has widened (she has gained weight, of course, and doesn't seem to care to do anything about it), she has not engaged in mate-guarding, but rather withdrawn from me. Her respect level has not changed appreciably, either.

So, since was/is it worth it?

Resoundingly, yes! Both psychologically, physically and professionally, I'm in peak condition. If divorce ever comes our way, I am in a great position. I feel great about myself, have a daughter that I love, and while I really, truly want my wife to join me/us on the path upwards, I can't control whether she does or not. I can only give her every reason to.

I don't spend a ton of time trawling through MRP looking for affirmation. That shit is a waste of time, but I appreciate the support this community gives to us men looking for answers to what's missing in our lives that isn't hopelessly twisted by the feminist cultural imperative.

Upwards, gentlemen.