I had to crosspost this from the main sub. Its a comment from /u/Skorchzang on how to make a woman break up with you. There is gold in this humor:

I'd deliberately send her regular texts like "Happy Monday sweetheart. Hope you're having a nice day xoxo"

Act randomly jealous and possessive/butthurt around her. "Who's James? Ohhh..."

Text every day for hours about NOTHING. When out and about, act confused and never have any clue where you want to go or what you want to do. "I dunno, what do you want to do baby?"

Make sure you send plenty of "I love you honey bun" and "you're the most amazing woman I've ever been with". Call random times and claim you "just wanted to hear her lovely voice".

Shit's gonna be over in a jiffy and you won't be able to do anything to keep her, even if you wanted to.