Hopefully its becoming clear that Dread Level 3 comes before Dread Level 4. Sounds obvious, but too many fucking 2-weekers post inane shit like “My wife denied sex so I went to the other room.” Are you a fucking child that you can’t even get out of the house? Where is your awesomeness? Where is your packed schedule? Where are the friendships you’re developing?

We live in an age where convenience reigns and free time abounds. So like the domesticated dog we must invent play that simulates the challenges of more primal enterprises and stimulates our survival and creative capacities. The caveman hunted, built things, coordinated networks with other tribes, and invented things to make those things easier. These tasks are no longer a matter of life and death, so the activities that should be replacing all the useless, lazy activities should mimic the primal ones. Follow so far?


You MUST have hobbies. (It has been discussed before: lifting, playing video games, socializing at the bar, and reading are not hobbies.) If you don’t have any, how to you find some? Here’s some rules of thumb.

  • Pick a hobby because you like it. Don’t pick it solely based on your friends’ hobbies, or whether or not it’s a waste of money, or whether your wife might consider it manly. If you want to pick up oil painting because you like the contemplative and creative nature of the process, then you fucking own your desire and go buy some canvas. To hell with what the world thinks. You’re a private man anyway, no one has to look at your masterpieces. (First step: you need to know what you really like. So many of our self-perceptions are based in what others say about us. Your wife says you would be a good fitness instructor? You have suddenly always been into fitness and instruction. Fuck that. Figure out who YOU are and what YOU want.)

  • Pick a hobby that produces something, even if it’s mere knowledge. As a man you are innately capable of creating and learning. This is why video gaming is considered a lesser activity. It produces nothing but useless fine motor skills, and perhaps a false sense of connection with virtual strangers. Learn another language (intertribal communication), work on your motorcycle (enhancing transportation), go hunting (duh). Part of the joy of a hobby comes from standing back and reflecting on what you’ve accomplished.

  • Pick hobbies that make you well-rounded. Like a Renaissance Man you are to explore the complex depth and breadth of your capabilities. Do something artistic, something active, something sophisticated, something nerdy, something brutish. Be an opera-singing, rock-climbing, scotch-snobbing, board game-playing, Tough Mudder. Push yourself to achieve at least a basic knowledge of many things. Men who know a little about many things are more useful – and therefore more awesome – than men who know everything about only one thing.

  • Have a blend of social and solitary hobbies. It could be a planned event or a last-minute decision to get away from that screechtard of a wife who isn’t attracted to you. You need a variety of options to get out of the house, and people aren’t always going to be available at the drop of a hat. If you’re an extrovert, join a bonsai club and work on a tree in the community garden. It’ll teach you to patiently spend time with yourself. If you’re an introvert, try dancing (not the club shit, actual skilled dancing). It’ll push you out of your shell. Nothing says masculine like pushing your own boundaries, for the simple sake of satisfying yourself with your own personal growth.

  • Last note for dads: have at least one hobby you can include your kids in, especially your sons. Can you imagine the thrill of just hanging out with your dad, shooting shit, hoops, or pockets? Many of us haven’t experienced anything like that; I certainly didn’t. Yet men bond strongest over action, so take your kids along with you to the frisbee field, the yacht club, the cosplay event, or the scrapbooking shop. I’m remodeling sections of my home, and my 3 year old helps regularly. Not because he's being useful, but because I want him to spend time with me when I'm being awesome. Maybe he'll catch on and be even more awesome than I am.


In light of No Nothing November, I challenge you to discover one awesome activity you’d like to explore, learn what you can about it on the web, then go start it. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Just get off your fat ass and do something awesome. For all you lazy fuckers, here, take this.

I built a fence this weekend. What did you do?