Thanks to a year of MRP, I now have exactly the amount of sex I want (ie: almost whenever I want). So thank you brothers. Step 1 complete.
Now I have been focusing in improving the quality of the sex. I have had some success in taking my stale bedroom and revitalizing it. My limited success is listed below, as the best I can offer thus far as a contribution in this arena. But I consider it as going from level 1 to level 3, where 10 would be ultimate porn sex with your wife.
So my ask is for the seasoned pros here contribute their tips and guidance. And what other sources do you suggest?
For books, Sex God Method is often touted, and I am working my way through it. It is a bit disheartening to see videos of the author. He is a young 20 something, so I do not know how well his 'wisdom' works for those of us in our 40s on year 10+ with the same partner. I am currently reading Mark Manson's Models book, but cannot recommend it yet.
So for the beginning steps to help your wife WANT to become a dirty girl with you in the bedroom, here is what I have found successful.
- take the red pill, lift, make a MAP and start to become the man.
- did you read that part about Lifting? My wife said she didnt like muscle guys. But now she grabs my new bulging muscles throughout our lovemaking session, and it gets here really into it.
- stop asking for sex, or apologizing for your libido. You are a man and you are proud of that.
- flirt with her constantly, and have foreplay that you end suddenly with a get up and go grin. This gets her hamster running on the sex wheel, and gets her revved up. NOTE: make sure that none of your flirting is a feeler to see if she is in the mood. You are not asking for permission ever again.
- Go Caveman. She sees that primal lust in your eyes and you lose control to your animal instincts. Note: this is not you checking in with her, or making sure she has an orgasm.
- be physical, not verbal. Dont ask or suggest a new position, but move her body to what you want. manhandle her.
- Make her responsible for her own orgasm. Encourage this by telling her how hot it is when she touches herself, put the toys in her hand, guide her to what you want her to do.
- be possessive and dominating. Start the dirty talk on the easy level by saying or making her say who owns that pussy, etc. ramp it up but be careful of anxiety/self-shame. (she might like to be called a dirty girl, but not a whore). with actions, test the water with a bit of spanking, a hand on the throat, a bit of a pull of the hair, to see how she responds.
- Do not be serious. Instead, be either lighthearted in bed, which encourages play and fun, or be passionate and intense - IE the caveman losing control for how much he wants his girl. Flip between these two behaviors.
- Explore fantasies and interests in an encouraging manner. take quizzes like http://mojoupgrade.com/ - but be supportive about whatever deep dark fetishes she might reveal.
- listen to her. Respect the hard no. Have a safe word. Make sure she feels this is a safe place, and that she is respected (believe it or not, this will make her comfortable with exploring the side of herself that wants to be disrespected).
- Understand that she might not know what to do, or what is ok. This here was the big realization for me. I thought with my wife that I had not earned the crazy sex side of her that likely some Chads got in college. I have learned that it is likely she has never explored that side of herself, and it is on me to lead her to the amazing places we can reach. My goal is to create a sexual environment that is also fulfilling and mind blowing to her. But waiting on her to give that to me has cost me 10 years, put me in a dead bedroom and built a lot of resentment. Now with me finally stepping up to lead, it has become fun times for her and me, and I have not heard about her s'posed Low or no libido in over 8 months.
So those our a few notes on what has worked for me. There is now formula, but reading tips like this from others has helped me up my bedroom game. I look forward to reading what has helped you.