~ archived since 2018 ~

If you're not fucking, shut up about leadership

September 14, 2021
162 upvotes

Everyone wants a happy and fulfilling marriage, and no one wants to accept thats outside of your control. A guy can do all the chores worth doing, he can be the best damned dad in the world. He can crush it at the office, be the coach of his kids little league team, and score 100% on all 12 Rules for Life. and yet:

If he's not fucking, it doesn't matter.

I'm not saying this just because. I'm saying this because in my god knows how many years here I've seen countless guys give the same speech:

"She's a great mom, cooks dinner, wonderful at dinner parties and can wear a mean pair of jogging pants. There's just this small, insignificant little detail that I want to ask a question on: she's gained 50 pounds and hasn't fucked me since Trump was in office."

Then insert a 3 paragraph biography/pity party with a question on whether 'she' would fuck him if he had better leadership. Hopefully everyone is on board with the definition of leadership, as every single guy leaves out what the fuck that even means.

It's as old as the Red Pill, Briffaults law. In any species, the female dictates the terms relationship. When there is no benefit, there is no relationship. as a corollary, any negotiation becomes null and void the minute she gets her side of the bargain. This has 2 main models that guys would do well to internalize:

  1. It's not your relationship to save, it's hers.
  2. You cannot negotiate desire.

Leadership, in a nutshell, is the wife or girlfriend deferring to the husband or boyfriend. If she has no desire to defer, then any attempt to 'lead' looks no different than one of your kids trying to bark orders, looks pretty silly doesn't it. Ask yourself, which one of these relationships will last: A relationship that the husband wants to save and the wife can't stand? Or the one with a fully invested wife and a husband who is ambivalent to it?

So, take this for what it's worth: Any leadership is the lagging indicator of a fully invested woman. Stop trying to skip the basics and go straight to leading. Focus on being attractive, having abundance, building options, and the ever popular:

Be attractive, don't be unattractive

Because when she wants to defer to you, you'll know it, and you don't need 20000 internet assholes to spell it out for you.

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Post Information
Title If you're not fucking, shut up about leadership
Author RStonePT
Upvotes 162
Comments 34
Date September 14, 2021 9:36 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/MarriedRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/if-youre-not-fucking-shut-up-about-leadership.1070421
https://theredarchive.com/post/1070421
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/poc8pf/if_youre_not_fucking_shut_up_about_leadership/
Red Pill terms in post
Comments

[–]TaipanshimshonMRP APPROVED 45 points46 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Can we just coin the term " larpship " instead of leadership?

Coz if no one follows you're just charging ahead by yourself.

[–]part_wolfPotential Wild Card / Dreadful '20 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Everyone forgets that your wife has to want to follow you.

[–]BostonBrakeJobMRP APPROVED 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Through the quad to the gymnasium!!

[–]suicidejojo87 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

"It's not your relationship to save, it's hers"

Can't believe how deep this means to me. I felt this. Needed to see a comment like this. Seriously, thank you. This applies to relationships and marriages

[–]FuzzyDice12 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

He’s right on the money too, like fucking poetry

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don’t check in here often but what a surprise to open up Reddit today and see a post from Stoney. Half expect to see ultmatcad make an appearance.

Yes, lead-LARPing is a common problem here. I was guilty of it myself years ago. Have your purpose, put your happiness first and the rest should fall into place. I don’t even seek to lead or think about it. It’s just the way it is.

[–]dust2dust45Approved 16 points17 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

This post is like a 3 plate deadlift- newbs ain’t going to be able to pick it up.

Further, It’s like a newb walking into the gym, seeing a guy do his 3 plate set, asking for advice and then telling that lifter he’s wrong. And then saying I’ll get there quick by whining and saying it’s not fair he can’t lift 3 plates.

The total fantasy of some of the egos in here are insane.

[–]AlphalfaSproutMRP APPROVED | Bloody Ankles / 60 DoD '21 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Dust, you are like good bourbon. You’ve grown on me. We had some ego-driven bro-scuffles months ago in the earlier days. Glad to see you on here helping dudes out.

[–]erthian 7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I’ve noticed this more and more here. People ask for help and then completely disregard the advice.

[–]hausofedd 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think they cant stomach the tone here.

like many I was thrown off at first, until I figured out the purpose of it.

dudes just want everyone to like them so they can keep seeking validation so they come here.... they DONT get validation and quit.

[–]InChargeManMRP APPROVED 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It is as it always has been and always will be.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't know if I need to read anymore content on this. This post seems to contain everything. Good job boiling it down to the essence.

[–]Saitama1993 12 points13 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Say what you may want, but the moment you get married she has most of the power in the relationship and can cut off sex at any time. Thats why from a man sexual startegy perspective getting married is stupid. Keep her as a plate, fwb even gf and the moment she stops fucking you be out that door

[–]i-am-the-prize 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

several stages of 'power' in a relationship:

  1. meetup until sex: she has the power
  2. sex until commitment: he has the power
  3. monogamy: she has the power**
  4. monogamy+financial ties: she has the power**

**means for traditional BP guys.

so is staying at stage 2 'easier' ? yes. but if she cuts off the sex, you withdraw affection, then attention, then time, and finally resources.

Men have the power to walk away. What we focus on is our Gold, by how we ration our Time, Effort and Attention.

The point is: if you aren't worth keeping, she'll have no reason to treat you right. And a barometer of her desire to keep you, is how she uses her Gold, her agency: her pussy. And she will only want to follow a man worth keeping, a man worth fucking.

Many men don't get more satisfaction from 'easy', we get satisfaction from wining. And winning on hard mode is even more rewarding.

And once you realize, you're the prize, is when you have leverage and have only your own idiocy to fear.

[–]tbebestisyettocome -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"YOU'RE THE PRIZE ???? LOL !!!

[–]BostonBrakeJobMRP APPROVED 16 points17 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

...the moment she stops fucking you be out that door

That's a nice stick of dynamite ya got there.

I'm kindda suprised there hasn't already been a "My wife wouldn't fuck me in the bathroom at her mom's funeral so I left that bitch" post on askmrp

[–]Saitama1993 12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Some bitches will have such a strong sexual attraction for man that she will be down to fuck him on her mothers tomb. But that's not the point, if you're a good boy and do her feet massages and show her your big boy muscles, from all of that self improvement, but she still would rather die than fuck you. What do you do? More leadership, self improvement? Cry on marriedtrp? Sometimes the dynamite stick is all you have

[–]TwoAccomplished4043 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The fuck????

[–]business_-_travel 8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for this post Stoney; especially, after the past few days of posts over at /r/askmrp...

[–]RStonePTAsshole, but I'm not wrong[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Men try so hard to avoid the idea of being fuckable.

And it's been like that for years.

[–]business_-_travel 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Men try so hard to avoid the idea of being fuckable.

My wife is awesome! She takes care of the kids, keeps the house clean, and blows me on command! One small problem, she had a habit of fucking the neighbour for a few months... Can I dread my way out of this?

[–]InChargeManMRP APPROVED 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Beyond empirical observation, I don't believe that "Briffaults law" need be true, only that it is often/usually the case. I can't think if a good way in which a RP man cannot also dictate the terms of the relationship.

The "what have you done for me lately", or better, "what do I expect that you will do for me in the future" concept is real, but can and does also cut both ways.

I agree with the post, this is more of a side discussion.

[–]SelectAirline 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It may not be, but acting as if Briffault's Law were true generally leads to the best outcome by keeping men from overinvesting.

[–]InChargeManMRP APPROVED 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Agreed.

[–]RStonePTAsshole, but I'm not wrong[S] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

truth is passe, I'll settle for predicability and utility.

[–]InChargeManMRP APPROVED 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Settle, got it :)

[–]RStonePTAsshole, but I'm not wrong[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

No

[–]InChargeManMRP APPROVED 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Instructions unclear, smashed a cake on the counter top.

[–]hausofedd 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

well I likely needed this one as much as anyone. thanks for posting

[–]DiamondUnlucky9120Grinding / Went full on Rambo Retard 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It's not your relationship to save, it's hers.

I needed to hear this.

[–]Wtfbyamey 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The “small insignificant lilttle” detail

Is actually the most significant, god Damnn important and major “ detail in marriage

[–]RickTickTickyshaw 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well said.

[–]ya2015 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

sometimes i just dont want to fuck her. The longer the feeling persists the thirstier my wife.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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