Hi, hello all,
I have been lurking here on this thread for a while now and this is my first post on the thread here.
I have been here for about a year and I finally come around to asking questions here that I didnt seem to find a definitive answer for in the books - nor did I find a relevant articla that could put things into perspective for me.
I dont want to go into too much details with regards about the relationship I am in since from what I have been reading here it really has been boiling down to men wanting better and more fulfilling sexual relationships with a woman and my story is no different than the others.
I have been with this woman for a while now - living together as well for a couple of months and she is someone I can see building a life together with.
My problem specifically boils down to her low libido and from an outside perspectice even the lack thereof.
Since the beginning of the relationship it always seemed to me that sex for her is not really a priority (there were times in her life that she went without sex - or self pleasure for years without problems) whilst on the other hand I am a real sex hamster and always have been.
I have been applying dread on her for the last 3-4 months or so with regularly hitting the gym, having a social life and generally taking up the mantle of leadership and being the men in the relationship - which she has been taking quite positively and reciprocated affection regulary - though in a non-sexual way.
What I have been missing - and this is not exactly something i have been able to fully internalize within myself - or even be able to specifically describe up until this point - is lets out put it this way - sexual desire/wantingness to be fucked at all.
Sure, we have regular sex and she gives me basically anything that I ask for - though I never feel that she is actually getting an enjoyment out of it.
And that is exactly my problem. I want to feel lusted for. I want her to be at a point where she is quivering for me to give her a good dicking but she either just doesnt have the sexual drive for this or has barriers that even she is unaware of that blocks her from letting herself enjoy sex and fully immerse herself in the act.
Based on my suggestion she has been seeing a therapist to have her personal issues sorted out by a professional (neither of us are from the states btw and what i get is her problems are deeply rooted in abandonment issues by her parents - she is half russian and at the collapsenof the ussr her mother had to go back to russia when she was little due to visa/ nationality issues and she got left here with her father causing her to feel unwanted/ inadequate in lot of ways)
What im looking for suggestions from you guys is this:
- how should I have this conversation with her about this issue of mine without me making it sound like im giving her an ultimatum or pushing her intona corner like - you must start giving me better sex or otherwise
- are there any materials that give guidance on the subject
- would be interested in any anecdotal evidence/stories where you have encountered something similar.