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Maintenance Dread

August 12, 2015

So I'm at a new firm and girls are hitting on me left and right. It's fun!

I've shared a couple of the things they've said with my wife partly to enjoy it together and partly for some maintenance dread. I guess I might have made the term up.

What do you think about that as a way of reminding her of my high value?

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Post Information
Title Maintenance Dread
Author thelotusknyte
Upvotes 6
Comments 35
Date August 12, 2015 8:01 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit /r/MarriedRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/maintenance-dread.201223
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3grhhd/maintenance_dread/
Red Pill terms in post

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Depends on how you do it. It might come off as validation seeking and do the opposite. You might wanna just let her see it first-hand instead.

[–]KyfhoMyobaMRP APPROVED5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Remember, Women talk, men do. Demonstrate, don't explicate.

Acta, non verba.

[–]thelotusknyteMarried[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Good idea. I work over an hour away so it's not likely.

So far my impression is that it doesn't make me look bad because she asks what the girl looks like, asks about her again later etc.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah. It really depends on mindset. But taking her to company parties and letting her catch the vibe will be pretty good dread.

[–]thelotusknyteMarried[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I plan on it, but I'm new at the firm and there haven't been any events yet.

[–]damnyoutall 2 points2 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Unless its done with extreme tact, it's just going to sound like you are trying to impress her. It's better to casually talk about female co-workers and then let her hamster do the work for you. Talk about them within the context of some other story so she doesn't think you are just trying to make her jealous.

[–]thelotusknyteMarried[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ok cool. Just be like "oh and then me and so and so and Carly went to lunch" etc?

[–]strategos_autokratorMan, Married, Mod1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Don't talk or brag. That comes off desperate and like you are searching for validation.

SHOW with actions. Let her hamster remind her.

[–]thelotusknyteMarried[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

This seems to be the recurring thing that I need to internalize.

[–]strategos_autokratorMan, Married, Mod0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Do you have a group of male friends? do you do manly activities?

I find that often that is the key to stop seeking validation.

[–]yoaked1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link


Starting here is always good place: The 12 Levels of Dread. Maintenance Dread is the probably the same as Dread in that you should always be incorporating it into your life. I see your point, though. When you talk about Maintenance Dread, it seems like you are asking what little things you can do to add Dread with your wife. Again, you should always be incorporating things from /u/BluepillProfessor 's post. Read it.


Note: You want just enough food (Dread) for the hamster to chew on without making her outright jealous. Her hamster needs time to process the Dread and too much jealously stirs up an emotional response which defeats the purpose of Dread (in many cases).


Some Examples

  1. lifting (why: because fit alpha's can always fuck a hottie)
  2. calling the cute waitress by her name while you are at dinner together but not being overtly flirtatious with her (why: hearing another girls name coming out of your mouth + confidence that you can talk to women)
  3. A&A anytime she mentions getting old/other girls... "yep, all the hotties on the cheer-leading squad would be all over me" (why: confidence and cockiness)
  4. any situation where she can see you in a casual conversation with a good looking woman (why: you are not a bumbling idiot that would be lost without her)
  5. at the beach... opportunity for her to see other women looking at you (why: assuming you lift... she will notice when other women notice)
  6. having your own hobbies/life outside of the marriage
  7. if she talks about her friends and their shitty marriages you can elude to the fact that "they need to fix it or they should definitely divorce... marriage should be fun" (why: this lets her know that you think divorce IS an option but it's under the radar since its not about your relationship)
  8. if she ever mentions a cute chick checking you out... agree that you are hot enough to merit the attention while simultaneously telling her that you only want her and that fat ass of hers (why: this shows confidence/cockiness and also diffuses a comfort test)


I am sure others will opine on the subject of Dread but this should give you some insight. YMMV. Good luck!

[–]thelotusknyteMarried[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great ideas. I'll check out the resources you provided when I get home, and followup with any other questions. Thanks for the effort you put into this comment.

[–]Redneck001MRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

edit: I tried to copy and paste this list, but it didn't work, so ...

This is probably the best list of things you can do and hold the hell out of frame. No need to shove it at her, let it come to her, let her see it. Great post, dude!

[–]itstartstoday123Unplugging0 points1 point  (18 children) | Copy Link

How does she react? What's the tone? It's hard to tell whether it's a good idea with your wife or understand how it's goes over without her reaction being included here.

[–]thelotusknyteMarried[S] 0 points1 point  (17 children) | Copy Link

She usually laughs at first.

Then later she asks me about her, calmly, what she look like, do I work with her etc. Then usually the next day she tells me that a guy hit on her at work lol.

[–]itstartstoday123Unplugging1 point2 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

Do you think that it has become a tit for tat competition with her? Sounds like it may be. That's why these guys are recommending that you don't tell her and let her make some assumptions about women's interactions with you. Then it's all on her and she doesn't respond like that. Unless you want this to escalate beyond "we both get hit on at work". Not an expert here but it seems like she is playing the same game. "I'm gonna try to make him jealous like he is doing to me."

[–]thelotusknyteMarried[S] 1 point2 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

You may be right. She's still sorta stuck in the "if he's gonna then I'm gonna and it's his fault, let's see how he likes it phase".

The thing that makes me think maybe not is the curiosity about the girl and the fact that she brings her up later, while I never bring the supposed hit who his on her up ever.

[–]itstartstoday123Unplugging2 points3 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

Never tell a woman your valuable unless your serving divorce papers. Show her your valuable. Acta non verba. Women talk, men do.

[–]thelotusknyteMarried[S] 0 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy Link

I get that. But she's so far removed from where I work atm that I am at a loss on how to show that other than tell her what happened.

[–]itstartstoday123Unplugging0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy Link

You don't inject dread unless you tell her about your new girlfriend that you got because she won't fuck you. level 12 I believe. She feels dread because she realizes that this random chick is talking to her husband and laughing and doing all the same things she did when she first met you, and your enjoying it to. In her mind she can't help but go grab you a martini and come over and show that girl who she thinks owns that man.

That is if you are in fact a high value man that she wants to guard.

[–]thelotusknyteMarried[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

Injecting dread is actually proactively mentioning something?

[–]itstartstoday123Unplugging0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

I may be wrong but I don't remember where in the 12 steps of dread that you tell your wife about all these girls hitting on you. I think it illicits the response your wife is giving you now. Do you like that response? The response you want, I assume since your on MRP, is that your looking for more sex, or respect blah blah blah. My feeling is that this activity won't get you there.

[–]thelotusknyteMarried[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

I'll have to review the steps!

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Level 8 is "show your wife that you are attractive to other women" by the old flirting with the waitress trick. I think you mean you don't directly talk about dread until level 12. I guess "Talk" could = "Inject" in this context so never mind.

[–]itstartstoday123Unplugging0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Exactly, the only time it mentions to tell you GF/wife anything about another woman is that you have a GF, so no need to have sex with you unless she feels like it.

Besides mentioning directly that you need more sex and the relationship is suffering because of it, dread is more about what you show your wife than what you say to your wife. Correct me if I'm wrong but it's all centered around Acts Non Verba. Even dread level 12 is showing your wife that you can get other women by telling her that you have a GF now.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If these girls like me, then my wife has to sleep with me...

If I show her someone wants to fuck me, shell get jealous and fuck me...

[–]itstartstoday123Unplugging0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

What are you going for is what u want to know?

Is she fucking you afterwards? Has your sex life increased because of this? The reason the mate guarding response is a good sign is that she recognizes consciously or subconsciously that this chick may be into you and it draws her into doing something to show she recognizes that value IE she grabs your favorite beer, comes over and says "here honey I got you your favorite beer, oh hey dear how are you? I'm X's wife."

Translated to another woman that is

Look bitch you don't know shit about this Man, he's mine!

So far all you got is a story about how she feels it necessary now to tell you about how some dude obviously wanted to bang her.

Your trying to get Her to drop her panties right? If your not getting that as a mate guarding response I would drop this an activity.

[–]eREKTi0n0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Nope, shut the fuck up. It can only end badly. Reserve the dread for company parties and whatnot.

[–]thelotusknyteMarried[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Got it

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

A little goes a long way before you become a dick, and not the good kind.

I like the idea of maintenance Dread for sparing use in maintaining a near sex on demand relationship.

[–]yoaked0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

MD = Sporadic Dread Level 8... it's like an oil change: reduces engine noise, combats rust and corrosion, makes the engine run cooler, reduces friction, improves engine performance, and extends engine life. it works.


I have been toying with the idea of making a post on this subject for a few months since I rarely see it discussed. Maintenance Dread is a really good way of phrasing the practice as it is really an expansion of DL8 (i.e., something we should be doing but not from the 'let me show you what I can do' frame of mind but rather from the frame of a confident and comfortable Alpha).

[–]whinemoreplease 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Maintenance dread is simple a byproduct of being a high value male. If you're actively trying to implement maintenance dread, you're trying too hard. Interact with waitress, flirt with flight attendants, smile seductively because it's part of your character, not because you're trying to achieve some goal through some bullshit game with your wife.

[–]yoaked0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

yeah, that is probably the best way of putting it (a HVM is a confident and comfortable Alpha). its not dread insofar as you are trying to "show her" anything but rather its just a byproduct an Alpha male.

[–]thelotusknyteMarried[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's pretty much where I am right now.

Uh, excuse me my wife is literally calling me to the bedroom right now. How ironic.

[–]thezaxxon19820 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

A huge part of PUA work is having and telling your stories that DHV. No good PUA uses the same stories over and over again on the same set because that would be a DLV. Use these, but use them sparingly.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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