None of this is new. Its all here in the sub, sidebar, and books and in better words than I have if you dig a bit and know how to use Google.

Some random asked me

When do you feel it's time to make a mental model shift?

Can you give an example of your process for effecting this shift?

Per my usual posting theme, this is aimed at the newcomers to MRP and the autistic fucks who lurk for years without making any real progress or taking any meaningful action in their lives...

Its gonna be Basic As Fuck.

My Number One Message as always is get into the OYS thread every week, consistently, like your life depends on it - thats the biggest bang for your buck. By far. Take your licks with a fully open mind and get to work on your bullshit. Its the only way forward. If you can't even manage 200-500 new and meaningful words about you and your life once a week for at least a few months straight, you aren't worth our time. Fuck off until you have that minimum level of commitment to unfucking yourself.

When we first came here, none of us made these shifts on our own. Not me. Not HOA. Not Rian. None of us did it without swapping notes. The OYS thread is where you get help drafting your notes when you don't have any to swap yet.


Its time to make a mental model shift when the way I'm feeling, acting, or being isn't congruent with the Man I Aspire to Be, the Man I Am In My Core, when living just past my edge and being true to myself. I dig into myself to figure out where the root of the incongruence comes from, and then I can focus my efforts on the changes I need to make.


How To Change Your Mind, For Dummies Autists n F&ggots

- Decide on the desired End State

- Steel your Resolve

- Backwards Plan

- Implement the Plan

- Hold yourself Accountable

- Celebrate your Victories

- Find the next Change



Decide on the desired End State

What do I want in the end?

Over a year ago I confronted my wife explosively about the inappropriate nature of her budding relationship with a guy at work. She reassured and then ignored me, why would she listen to a low value POS like the old F&ggot Me? Shortly after that I discovered MRP and got to work, and shortly after that, I got evidence.

One of the first End States I decided on was that I would be the type of man who could handle and regulate his emotions in order to achieve long term goals. I didn't consciously realize that I Decided on this mental shift at the time, but it is what was required to do what I ultimately did and get the results I had in my divorce.

I had evidence that my wife was having an emotional affair with a coworker, making out in her car with him after work, and going to house parties with girlfriends that he happened to be at. (AWALT, I was a LVM BetaBux for years and earned everything I got for being a boring lazy fuck - see u/HornsOfApathy 's post series about how its all your fault if you don't understand)

I didn't want to be a knowing Cuck, I wanted a divorce, and I wanted it to impact the children as little as possible while I retained 50/50 custody. So I Decided on my desired End State: an amicable divorce with her successfully swinging her branch to her new guy, and me getting 50/50 custody without loss of more than 50% of my assets.

In the end I lost less than 25% of my net worth, and did the entire divorce without paying a Lawyer for more than a consult or stepping foot in a courtroom. Your results may vary - always at the very least consult at least one attorney regarding your specific situation and divorce, I'm not a lawyer and am not giving legal advice.

Steel your Resolve

What am I willing to do and give up to get there?

Get Your Priorities Straight and Stick To Them

After Deciding on my desired End State, I had to firm up my commitment to achieving that End State.

If you aren't truly committed to getting to that desired End State deep inside, you may as well stop here. You have to commit. You have to be willing to do what it takes. Otherwise you're just wasting your time at best, and potentially making things much worse by half assing it.

In my example, I knew my ex well enough to know that achieving my desired End State meant that I had to thread the needle - she had a branch to swing to and would be happy to do so quietly, but if I wanted to start a war she would be just as happy to unload her ammo too in the process of swinging to it or having it break. So to get what I really wanted most, I had to accept and let go of, or at the very least bury, all the very strong emotions I was experiencing surrounding her infidelity. I did this by realizing and accepting that my desired End State was far more important to me than my feelings about her actions or my need for retribution and validation.

You can't achieve specific results in an amicable divorce via covert manipulation while also nuking shit from orbit and airing dirty laundry for revenge. I couldn't have my cake and eat it too - at least not right away, and not directly.

Backwards Plan

Figure it out: What The Fuck am I gonna do to get there?!?

(This step is only applicable if your Change is big, takes a long time, or involves actions you need to take to achieve your desired End State. Some minor mental model shifts are done internally in your mind over a matter of hours of introspection with consistent follow up later, and don't need a full plan to make happen.)

Figure out the milestones on the path to your End State from where you are now, starting from the End State and working your way backwards to where you are now.

For this example it involved researching divorce in my state, and how to file "Pro Se" (without an attorney). Finding out exactly how the process works. What needs to be done, when, how, who needs to sign on which dotted line. What happens if she won't cooperate at any given step in the process. All the nitty gritty. This is not the time to gloss over details. Game out as many possibilities as you can and plan contingencies for all of them.

Implement the Plan

Now Go Do It

Without saying or revealing a single thing to anyone in my life, I got all of my personal and our joint financials and all pertinent documents current and in order, and set up to paint the best picture possible to the judge in support of my desired End State.

Only after all of that was ready, did I finally tell my wife I wanted a divorce and would be filing. She could sign, or not. Lawyer up, or not. Didn't matter. I knew what I would do in all cases.

Take the Plan you just made, and execute. When variables occur, adjust to the new situation and adapt your Plan to continue to achieve what you want.

Hold Yourself Accountable

You have the right to Judge your own behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and to take responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon yourself

There were many times when I was so very, very tempted to blow shit up and reveal everything I knew about her indiscretions. So many times when I was Angry. Depressed. Apathetic. Suicidal. Guilty. Lonely. Had a false sense of hope to fix it somehow. Take your pick I felt every which way at some point during the process.

The only thing that held me steady was my total commitment to achieving my desired End State, no matter what it cost me.

When delays due to COVID happened, (like courts shut down for months, or not having document X turned in at the same time as document Y, or wife being a bitch about me taking time out of the house for myself, etc etc etc) I kept my mouth shut and kept up appearances. I didn't cave just because I had to hold it in for a while longer. My End State was worth what I endured. I believed and still believe that.

Only you can hold yourself accountable. You have to want the change. Again, like I said in the Resolve section - if you aren't committed, you're wasting your time.

Celebrate Your Victories

When you reach a milestone, give yourself some kind of reward that only you know about. Reinforce your positive behavior and the delayed gratification it took to get there. Rewire your brain a little at a time.

Find The Next Change

There will always be a new mountain to summit, a new dragon to slay, a new skill to learn...

Always stay focused on your personal growth, and frequently reevaluate what kind of End State you want to achieve next.


WTF does this shit have to do with Mental Models?

Some of you may be thinking at this point, how does any of this apply to a Mental Model Shift?

How will this help me stop simping for my wife?

How will this help me enforce my boundaries?

How will this help me stop having a Nice Guy mentality?

Decide on the change(s) you want to see in yourself. Be SMART with how you phrase it - Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound (Google it)

Resolve that no matter the cost, you're going to follow through and keep following through even when you fuck up, fail, want to quit, COMMIT.

Backwards Plan your schedule so that you can take time each week alone in a way that is appropriate to helping make the shift

Implement the Plan Do What You Set Out To Do, F&ggot

Hold yourself Accountable by posting in OYS weekly and by Owning Your Goddamn Shit, F&ggot

Celebrate your Victories because you're worth it.

Find the next Change once you're ready for your next adventure

Somewhere along the way, you'll figure out that your Mental Model has shifted. That's how it works for me.

You change your Mental Models with consistent effort and #ACTIONS# that support the new Mental Model you're striving to internalize

Let's have an amazing New Year with progress you'd never have believed possible.

Only you can make it possible.

Let's get to work.