This pops up in my news feed today : https://www.quora.com/How-did-your-marriage-end/answers/119641202

Now, quora always needs to be taken with a grain of salt, but this scenario is actually far too common. Guy overinvests in the beta side of the equation on the one hand, and his wife's a passive aggressive idiot on the other. Not a good combination.

Eventually his wife's pain body gets triggered (I call it this because anyone who's been around with a woman for quite a length of time will know exactly what I talk about - when her neediness turns toxic enough, her energies get toxic). Wife loses attraction, thinks he's cheating, he tries to do the loving stuff, it doesn't work (that stuff doesn't work at all if her attraction's gone). Eventually she starts cheating and asks for a divorce. He knows she's cheating and gets heartbroken, and shows her the dream house and car she always wanted, but somewhere in this whole episode, he doesn't realize just how blue pilled he was and what he was doing wrong. He however decides to go out without losing his self respect too much. She learns her lesson too late and still can't get over him.

I've been in this type of a spot when I lost my job and got too desperate in my attempt to reboot my career. My ex was a BPD and part of the desperation was her interrogating me every god damn day about my job and the like - I broke reddit's character limit on TRP describing that nightmare of a relationship. That was an awful period that ended in divorce when her rage, insanity and contempt towards me went out of control (and no job or career or anything could have saved that). I kept trying to do everything beta from the provisioning viewpoint and nothing worked. At that time I didn't have a damn clue why - I was doing everything what my family and community had told me was the right thing, or so I thought.

Thing is, the beta side of provisioning, while it is needed in a family and a married relationship, doesn't mean anything at all if the alpha attractive vibes aren't present in a relationship. A house or a car or whatever you want to provide only has a very limited shelf life before the novelty of it wears out and it becomes routine.

One of my mistakes was that I never understood just how important it was to keep up the attractive vibes, and the respect and devotion inspiring vibes right from the first seconds of a relationship. Didn't help that my family and religion were also very highly BP and tried to downplay it at all times (yet the lack of RP vibes showed in all their relationships) -- all of them without exception have failed realize that a man needs to act more like the sun and keep up attractive vibes around him and get others to fall into it.

Second, dread needs some nuance to apply. It's like hunger, create the right amount of it the right way and it gives you an appetite worthy of a wild animal, but too much hunger can cause emancipation and death by starvation.

Third, passive aggressive communication hardly ever works, but women use it as their default language and only resort to overt communication when all other options are exhausted and it's time to pull the plug. Men ought to at least learn how to read it, while improving their ability to be more overtly and directly communicative (and be aware that their passive communication lines up with it)

Fourth. Vibes. This guy for one never did anything proactive to actually improve his wife's awareness of the situation - he failed to realize the messages he was covertly but unconsciously sending out. A man always keeps sending vibes radiating out all the time, even when he isn't aware of it - 93% of all communication is non-verbal. His very presence or existence sends vibes and generates a certain energy -- these depend on all sorts of things - his body, his posture, grooming, clothes, thoughts, emotions, beliefs, actions, achievements, status. And context. How apt a particular presence is for a particular time and environment. People may not admit it, but they're far more reactive to these things than they imagine.

One always has to be aware of what vibes one is sending out at all times. Learning to perceive that and to control what vibes you send out is a very important skill - I can't quite state how important that is.

Moral of the story - Sacrificing and working long hours and doing the works for beta provisioning might be considered noble, but if you don't keep the alpha vibes high throughout it all, it will become meaningless at the end. Most people never realize why.