Its me: your sometimes verbose and analytical member. What follows os nothing new to me and nothing a revelation to me, but are some sacroasanct and basic behaviors repeated ad nauseum in here...

We sold our house and bought a new one. Time between escrow closings was 2 weeks.

Leadership Application 1: What to do in the 2 weeks?

I had options: hotel, rent back to new owners (was offered by them), rent a weekly airbnb place, go on vacation for 2 weeks.

She offered... we could stay at my parents; they did offer

My initial answer was no and then I said "yes."

Analysis: I did change my mind, but not because she simply offered the idea, but because I had weighed the options from a $$$ to stress standpoint. Coupled with the fact that all our stuff would be packed in a transport-storage container, any option other than her parents would be us living without necessities that we could definitely have at her parents.

Lesson Learned: changing your mind is fine as long as it is because you have analyzed options and made the decision to change your mind from a leadership standpoint and not as a puppet of the led.

Leadership Application 2: packing our belongings

I took an inventory of the belongings we have, including furniture, boxes of shit, appliances, etc; everything that would be in the container. 2 weeks prior I told her to start packing everything she and the kids don't NEED now and to stage the boxes in the garage in a location I had taped off. I also staged an area for things to be gotten rid of and told her to full that spot too. In the meantime, I, instead of telling her what I was going to do, simply began deciding what we needed and what needed to be trashed/sold/donated in the garage. I made those decisions unilaterally and the decision even included an entire TV and an older, but functional home theater speaker set. She questioned the decisions, but I maintained... "we don't need them."

I organized the bulk pickup and old furniture removal for the trash company, and when it was time to get things in the pile outside, I said grab this, grab that, help me here, etc.

The container arrived. She followed lead while I played a three dimensional game of Tetris with the packing. She simply stood by and awaited my direction. If I was too busy to direct, she continued staging.

Analysis: making decisions before she has time to ask or act on her own behalf forced her into a subordinate position for this whole moving operation. She self directed herself when I wasn't pulling her along, but she did what she felt would be best to help in the long run: staging boxes, packing the girls things, and occasionally asked me when and how things should be done.

Lesson Learned: she wants to be led by you and more importantly she wants to see that you are capable of leading. Leadership, in my opinion, is the highest display of value one can display.

Corollary: imagine you are trapped on a subway train late at night. There are very few on the train and fewer in your car. The train screams to a stop and people get tossed around a bit. The lights flicker and turn off. One by one cell phone flashlights turn on in attempt to illuminate the inside of the car. Contact with the driver doesn't work. Most of the passengers look shaken and scared. You speak up first and ask if everyone is okay. You then point to another man and tell him to see if anyone is hurt. You then point to another man and tell him to help you force the doors open. Once you find out everyone is okay, you instruct everyone to exit the train through and onto the catwalk in the tunnel (like the sign says.) By simply giving succinct, and simple orders first, you establish a position as leader. In times of stress most people want a leader. Anyone who pushes back, you make them your second in command, I'm going to need your help so I want you to stay with me. most people who like the idea of being a leader will relish the chance to be in direct view of the current leader.

Be this leader for your wife.

Leadership Application 3: Moving isn't what you do once, and for me it's a 2.5 week mission.

While the obvious moving things occurred up front, this past 2.5 weeks has been part of moving. I was inundated with constant, "do you think we should..." or "what should we..." or "what do you think..." questions. For those still trying to figure this MRP thing out, these are easy prompts for leadership and easy ways for you to make your first mate a part of the team.

I never say, "I don't know" or "I'm not sure" or even worse, "what do you think", I simply have an answer. If later I think it's not right, I can always change my mind. If she argues with me, I simply make the statement again, or at the very least, say, "you know what, let me think about it some more."

Today she called to schedule the drop off for the container. She gave me the day and I said, "Good. It's going in the street in front, where it's level." Immediate pushback: "I want it in the driveway." I repeated, "It's going in the street in front, where it's level." "I don't want to carry things so far..." cutting her off, I maintained the broken record. Today coincides with the first day of shark week, for clarity.

Analysis: I give her a wide berth for action on her own because she makes good decisions for many things and she asks me when she has any question. Sometimes the breadth I give her becomes a challenge when certain times of the month come. This is expected and easily handled and Fogging and broken record are my go-to.

Lesson Learned: a man on a mission is a man to be followed. Moving for me is a mission with small objectives to be met with along the way. Sometimes the objectives are taken per the plan and sometimes they are ignored in lieu of making on the spot decisions that push us further along. A man on a mission has momentum and if she respects you, If anyone respects you, they will rather get pulled in your wake than to attempt to stop you.

A man on a mission clearly has his shit in order.

For your introspection:

If your wife isn't following you it's because she doesn't respect you. If you stop doing what you're doing because she won't follow, you are making her the leader and she knows this and she respects you less for it.

This is why we stress having a life outside of her and the home, it's why we say lift, it's why we say to have hobbies... it makes YOUR life your mission... it gives you natural momentum. Once you have momentum in your own life mission you can then have other missions: home maintenance, dates, vacations, home projects, etc.

Starting these other missions gives you additional momentum and the additional power to say, "I need you to do X for me." This brings her into your momentum.

A man on a mission has momentum and a woman wants to ride that momentum like a thrill ride... and the outcome is the same: TingleZ^^TM.