I’ll begin with a quick summary for those who don’t care to see my relatively short posting history. 38, married 12 years, 3 kids 7, 5, and 3, pregnant 42-year old wife, HB 6 or 7. I am the same SMV or higher now (as evidenced by her actions over the last few months and the ease of getting strange vagina). Dead bedroom since 2011 after returning from second combat deployment, cheated numerous times on the down low since then. Wife is SAHM, very religious, rode the CC a little bit but not terribly experienced. I was a bit of a player before her but totally went BP after falling “in love” with her. Kids are homeschooled by her, doing well, ahead of their would-be classmates by about a year in reading and math at this point. I had previously relinquished control of all finances, child-rearing, and most house-hold chores in order to focus on my 2 jobs; huge mistake. With the dead bedroom and increasing fighting going on in the house due to my shitty leadership, I started seeking out ways to improve my situation, and found this place. Immediately started reading all I could and trying to implement all of the wisdom here as fast as I could. I got extremely angry for the first few months and my attempts to wrest control of everything from her were met with serious resistance. It wasn’t until I learned you have to improve for yourself alone, and that the only way to win is to not play the game, that I began to see minor improvements at home. During this time, I decided to spin plates and had about 5 to 6 in about 2 months. Still had a dead bedroom at home and fights were less frequent but still pretty horrendous (due to my anger, lack of frame, and generally caring too much). After one particularly violent one, I filed for divorce. Once served, she immediately asked me to come over to talk. She sucked my dick like it was going out of style and the dead bedroom was no more. We talked about our problems, I told her what my life was going to look like from here on out and she was on board. Things were looking good. Too good to be true.
Thinking I had conquered the world, one night about a month ago when I spent the night at home “reconciling” (aka fucking like a couple of wild gorillas) with my newly-awakened-wife-slut and STBX (served her back in October for multiple reasons), she checked my phone afterward. Yeah, I know, stupid, but I forgot that I had told her my PIN a few weeks prior for some dumb reason. Anyway, back up to one night prior to this, I was supposed to go home but ended up meeting this 29-year old HB 5.5 online, sweet-talking her into meeting me at a pharmacy, and then banging the fuck out of her in my truck. It was pretty fun. I then went and stayed at my father's house that night. So she reads the entire conversation where I go from just meeting this chick to talking her into fucking me that same night. This caused the Mother of All Shit Tests to be thrown at me by the wife. Crying, calling me names, telling me I am so fucked up, you know the drill. I’d say it was awful, but it really didn’t phase me. I held frame like a fucking champion, never showed much remorse, explained that until I withdraw the papers, I am not committed to shit. I held it so well that this woman fucked me like her life depended on it AGAIN before I went to work. It was spectacular and I felt like I had dodged a bullet.
Fast forward a week, I am working a lot and not coming back to see her but once or twice. We have plans for a military reunion Friday night and picnic Saturday. Friday morning she freaks out and sends me this long diatribe about how we can't be together, I can’t trust you, you need to get an STD test, I am getting one as well, etc. I hold frame as best I can (this really pissed me off) and tell her she’s free to make her own decisions, but that she is not going to ruin my night and she is no longer invited to come with. Also, I am still taking my children the next day to the picnic (which happens to be the youngest B-day, which was to be celebrated on Sunday) but she needs to find something else to do. She is all upset, starts telling me I am crazy and horrible person and tries dragging me into an email war. I respond 2 or 3 times, then catch myself and respond with the original reasons I am divorcing her and quit responding after that. I go to the reunion, see a lot of my buddies, drink all night, shepherd their asses back to the hotel, and pass out for a few hours.
When I wake up, I take some time to think about the previous day’s events. I realize that I didn’t need to punish her quite so harshly, and that I could have just excluded her from the night time activities but brought her to the picnic. I did it out of anger and hadn’t thought it through completely at the time. I also knew that it would have a poor effect on the children and wanted them to have a pleasant day (as well as myself). So I call her and tell her that I would like her to come with us and enjoy the day as I am going to pick up the kids. She had already made plans with the sister-in-law (whom she told all about my extra-curricular activities and now hates my guts, lol), so she decides not to go. That’s cool. We go to the picnic, have a great time, and I drop them back off with her. She wants to talk for a bit, but her sister won’t let me in her house, so we go for a drive. She starts another shit test and tries hard to change the frame of the divorce from her treating me like shit to me cheating on her. I continually hold frame, bring it back to the original reasons for divorce, and state that, for the 100th time, when I am ready to recommit to her, that’s when I will withdraw the papers and stop fucking other women. You can imagine she is not a happy camper. I don’t budge. I drive her back to the sister-in-law’s, kiss the kids goodbye, and head home.
Afterward, I took a few days to really think about what was happening on the advice of one of my Army buddies and my father, and came to the realization that I couldn’t look my kids in the eye and tell them I tried everything I could to keep the family together if I didn’t stop banging whores, fully implement the Red Pill, and burn my ship on the shore at home. I drive to the house, game her, and fuck her. We then talk about the future, and I tell her that I think we can make this work, that mistakes were made on both sides, but that we can pull together, let go of the past, and have a good life if we choose to do so. She comes around (not without a little testing of course, which I smashed) and agrees that we can be happy now that all of our problems are in the open. I tell the kids the next morning that Daddy and mommy are staying together. I ghost all of my plates (some may disagree with this, but I want to give it my undivided attention for a while), but still plan to day game, flirt, catch and release. My biggest weakness is the cold approach, so I plan to practice. All is well.
Since then (about 3 weeks ago), things have been mostly great. There has been some shit testing here and there, snarky cheating comments, but nothing much and I bat it away easily. She has fucked me to the point where I cannot go any more and have to take breaks. I have choked her, pulled her hair, tied her up, fingered her ass (haven’t ventured into getting my dick in there yet, but the right time is coming), and received more spontaneous blowjobs than in my entire life. I’m talking daily or every other day. She is a wild animal. I don’t initiate, it is all her. I can barely keep up. My dick has been perpetually raw.
I talked to my lawyer and took the next hearing (this month) off the docket. She has not decided if she will remove her rebuttal hearing as well (pretty sure she will) because she still doesn’t trust me, but like I told her last weekend, I win either way. I’d RATHER win with her, but I win either way. We’ll see what the future holds.
The downside of all of this is that the cheating is eating her up ( I know, who cares, but I do love her and it pains me a little, knowing that if I had manned the fuck up earlier we could have avoided all of this). I know she dwells on it constantly by her little comments. It doesn’t bother me much, but I have a feeling it will get worse before it gets any better. I know that I just need to remain the oak, absorb her wild emotions, game her, and fuck her like a sexual tyrannosaurus. I am very optimistic at this point.
Lessons Learned So Far:
1. Be attractive. You can get away with murder if you are an attractive man with options. Some have to work toward this more than others. I got a decent hand from the genetic lottery but luckily have kept myself in good shape for the last 18 years. It makes a fucking difference.
2. Don’t make rash decisions in the anger phase. Let go of your anger! I decided to divorce after my wife punched me during a fight in which my frame folded and I was going apeshit. It took a few more weeks before I had let go of my anger and just gamed the fuck out of her. I realize now that getting all butthurt over the punch (it wasn’t much anyway) was a DLV and a better alternative would have been to smile and tease her about it, slap that ass, and get in those panties later. I was not in the right headspace at the time. I could have saved myself $7,000.00 and counting. However, I will have spent that amount happily if I am able to maintain what I have now. Being a masculine man and living my life on my terms was all I needed to do to get her ass back in line.
3. Cheating is ok (TRP is amoral), but be aware of why you are doing it. I was doing it for validation and because I was horny as a toad. I needed to prove to myself that I could still be a Chad if I wish, and I did that. However, it never really made me feel good, and I knew that I wasn’t giving MRP my best effort by going the easy route and just banging sluts. Banging sluts is fun, but if you can turn your wife into your slut, that is much better. Mine is like a new woman, seriously. Super prude Virgin Mary wannabe is drinking my cum all of the time. The challenge is to remain the awesome dude who continues to get his cum drank daily. Major challenge, but I’m game.
4. Lift! Lift like your life depends on it. You need the testosterone from all of those squats, deadlifts, and bench pressing to aid you in your journey. You need those muscles to pop so that chicks want to touch them. You need the confidence it gives so that you will approach chicks daily and game them. You need to lift so that you can show your sons how to stay in shape and be strong enough to handle the shit life throws at you.
5. Live selfishly, as in on your terms and in your frame. That doesn’t mean don’t sacrifice for others (i.e. family), but do so according to what you determine they need and if you are magnanimous enough to give it to them. Make your decisions, state your opinions, and never waver. Develop a frame that cannot be compromised. Congruence between your actions and thoughts is the key. Own your shit: your decisions, your weaknesses, strip away the ego, and be a man. Nothing more, nothing less. You aren’t special, but you are a man, and that makes you better than any woman on this planet.
6. The harder you work toward making the MRP your reality, the easier it becomes. You can see the matrix all around you and it gets easier to react in the appropriate way, rather than your previous default BP manner. I still have a ways to go with this one, but I can see the difference from the last 6 months. I can see why some get to where they don’t even think about it anymore and just are. I hope to be there next year.
7. Who you marry makes difference. I left this part off the original post. My wife is an alpha woman. Highly intelligent (she has her MBA), very conservative Catholic upbringing, very pretty (but 42, so take it for what it's worth), driven to excel, daughter of an alcoholic. I consider her high-quality in most respects. I had her on a pedestal for a while. Because she is so driven, it was easy to slack off on my end (with 2 jobs this is the easy way out) and know she would pick up the slack as the First Mate. That is where my descent into betadom and drunken Captain began. Once you hand over control to a woman of this type, it is hard as fuck to wrestle it back. It may have only been possible because of her view of me as Alpha in the beginning of the relationship, my ability to return my SMV to a place higher than hers (in her eyes, obvious by watching her actions), her traditional upbringing and non-feminist (though still a little bit you-go-gurl) philosophy, and her adherence to the tenets of her faith despite her peers telling her to kick me to the curb. If any of those factors had not been present, things may have turned out differently, even with my actions remaining the same.
I hope that this FR will give some of you other guys hope that you can turn it around yourselves. This place and this group of men have literally saved my life. I consider you all my brothers and am grateful for all of your wisdom and friendship. I will salute you all with some Maker’s Mark tonight.
edited to add lesson #7