"Look in the mirror. Would YOU worship you?"
A little over year ago, I posted a begging, whining, plea for help on the askMRP forum.
"You weak shit. Help yourself. Read the sidebar."
The scales were pulled from my eyes and I saw a glorious and terrifying truth.
As far as I had managed to go, I was still just treading water, bragging about nothing, while my family was slipping through my weak fingers, and she was not on my side.
My BMI was 32.9, 61 pounds over the healthy 24 range. I had no regular exercise routine. I was between jobs. I was DEERing, engaging on shit tests, acting entitled and being bitchy when shut down. The word divorce was entering our arguments. I am completely shocked that I didn't get to "I love you but I'm not in love with you." THAT is a tribute to HER commitment, and has NOTHING to do with what I was.
July 9 2016, MRP helped me to light a fire under my own ass that pushed me to become what I was always meant to be--an insignificant speck, who decides, fuck it, I'm going to do awesome things.
I started lifting and running regularly. I had never lifted weights in my life. I networked hard and managed to land a new, better paying job that rewards hard work and dedication. I read the sidebar and listened to BPP’s podcasts. He, Athol Kay, and RooshV have become my philosophical buddies.
Six months into my map, all hell broke loose. Can't say too much without revealing personal details, but the take home you should all be getting is that following this formula teaches you that it really doesn't matter WHAT happens. All that matters is how you hold to your frame.
What I have learned is that OI is an absolute must. You start TRP path thinking, "I'm going to save my marriage" and you quickly come to the conclusion that there is nothing to save. You have fucking ruined it already. She hates your guts and merely tolerates your bullshit, and even THAT doesn't matter.
All that matters is that YOU.MOVE.FORWARD and do what YOU think is best for YOU. This is the essence of what has become my frame. All of my game, all of my work, all of my self improvement are focused on me becoming my best self, independent of her response to it. And here is where my mind got blown, gentlemen:
Not giving a shit whether your marriage survives is the only way to ensure that it can.
You have to let go entirely of the notion that your marriage is something YOU can fix. You can only fix YOU. The rest is up to the universe. But if you are fit, strong, active, and productive, the universe is a lot less scary.
It's not about being a stronger honey-do-man. Doing shit around the house is ONLY a means to display your manly attractiveness to ANYONE who might see it--it's about being the best YOU, not about saying "hey look over here, am I good enough for you now?" If you ask her whether you are good enough, in word or deed, the answer will ALWAYS be no. Men don’t ASK. Men DO.
I have had to drill down HARD on my covert contract and come out the other side. That showy, ”aren't I great” shit was STILL a weak ass begging for approval.
Do yourself a huge favor—right now. Stop thinking you deserve anything at all from her. She will never appreciate you in the way that you think she should. That appreciation is a fantasy inside your head. So turn it on yourself, and do all of your own appreciation. Then you don’t need anyone else to do it for you—but be WORTHY of that appreciation.
I had to find the place in myself where I said, IDGAF about what ANYONE thinks. I am my own judge for all things. I had to turn everything on its head and start saying, "This is awesome," and be completely disengaged on anyone else's opinion of my judgment.
I do things around the house now because I want the fucking kitchen clean, and it looks best when I do it. I fold laundry because I like the way it looks when it's put away neatly. I am completely indifferent to her comments on the matter.
A year later, I am STILL walking this path, and it is STILL uphill, and there are always new ways to flesh out my frame, improve my game, and become a better MAN.
So far, here’s what I’ve done:
-track her cycle. Track her cycle. TRACK HER CYCLE. Get the Clue app and pay attention to the bathroom garbage can for when the girl products go in there every month. This is imperative if she isn’t on the pill.
-Stop engaging on shit tests. Say as few words as possible. Entertain only respectful, positive talk. The second it becomes a “DISCUSSION” disengage and find another thing to occupy your time. Under no circumstances do I allow myself to NEED her conversation for validation. I got pulled into an argument once where “we need to talk more about this” was her vent. I looked at her with disdain and said, “the shit I’m about right now is shit you DO and if you talk about it you aren’t fucking doing it.” And I walked out of the room. That ended up with some awesome sex.
-own your finances and own your life. Include her as a bonus, but not for “earning points”.
-plan EVERY couples moment. Wipe the words “I dunno what do you wanna do?” from your vocabulary. Always have a preference or an opinion about things. Never appear to have no idea. Sometimes, she says, “why don’t we go do…?” I have learned to respond with some form of, this seems like an interesting idea, or, I will entertain this plan. SOMETHING that lets her know that her suggestion is pending my approval. The rest of the time, it’s something like this: “I’m taking you to lunch.” “where are we going?” “I’ll pick you up at noon.”-radio silence. -run game, ask for sex when you want it. WORK HARD not to appear pissed if you don’t get it. Being good looking and passing shit tests = sex.
-Exercise and eat right. I am starting to look really fucking good. My abs are showing, and I am toned. I have some residual gut under my navel that I’m trying to fast off, but that is OLD FAT from when I was a teenager. I ran a half marathon in less than 2 hours. Like I said, I never lifted in my life, and I am up to a 75% body weight one rep max on bench (I usually do 3x 10,12,15 on just over 50% body weight for bench). I usually eat one meal a day because my work isn’t active. I started out at total vag and moved slightly north of vag six months in. Now I am working on achieving beast mode.
-start hanging out with dudes more. This helps to compare notes on frame, and also allows you to relax. It’s odd, I used to always feel self-conscious around dudes. Now I don’t feel self conscious around anyone.
I’ve bored you to death long enough. I wrote this to help and encourage the brotherhood. This shit works. I’m still married, but the amazing thing is that I stopped caring whether the marriage survived a while back. I work and perform, to maintain a home that is safe and comfortable for her and our children. Then I invite her to stick around. She knows where the door is. Men never beg. Being right requires might. When you become a “selfish asshole” who stops seeking external approval, that is when you will finally start getting it.