Summary: I stumbled upon a surprising nugget of wisdom today on AOM.

https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/never-complain-never-explain/

Posting here as well (I posted in TRP the other day) to make sure people see it. This is doubly so in a marriage.


Body: I know AOM sometimes gets a bad rap around these parts for being a little too "happy wife, happy life" but I surprised myself by giving this one a read and finding a lot of overlap with TRP.

I'll mostly let the text stand on its own, but it discusses status and power dynamics when you choose to dive down a rabbit hole of explanation, the implications on your confidence and authority, and the overall weakness of hanging on what other people think of you.

One section in particular stood out - President Trump used this to great effect in his debates.

“Never complain; never explain” doesn’t necessarily mean not saying anything to your doubters, complainers, and critics, but limiting your response to a sharp rejoinder. Disraeli in fact formulated his maxim after hearing the advice of fellow politician Lord Lyndhurst, who said: “Never defend yourself before a popular assembly except with and by retorting an attack.” Thus, a short, pithy rebuttal or a humorous, yet withering sarcastic quip (Churchill was the master of these) may be in order. Then you turn heel and don’t engage further.

Instead of engaging with his competition, he gave a nice succinct "WRONG" and instantly filled the viewer's mind with doubt concerning what the attacker was saying, while retaining his power and respect. Or the infamous "because you'd be in jail" to Hillary - did it address the main point? No, not really. But it's remembered all these months later and elicits a great laugh from the audience at her expense.

Brett notes, and we should also note, that this is not black and white. If the CEO of your firm is significantly offended or wronged, he won't be impressed by your refusal to explain yourself, he'll just have his secretary get you a box for your stuff and kick you to the curb. (Law 19: Do not offend the wrong person.)


Lessons Learned:

  • Value can be found in all types of resources around us.
  • Powerful men avoid explaining their actions.
  • Make your accomplishments seem effortless. (Law 30)
  • Conceal your intentions. (Law 3)
  • So much depends on reputation. (Law 5)
  • Use absence to increase respect and honor. (Law 16)
  • Cultivate an air of unpredictability. (Law 17)
  • Act like a king. (Law 34)