Unfortunately unplugging from the matrix in real life is not as quick as in the movies. You just don't swallow a red pill and the new reality opens up before you magically. Depending on your degree of betaness, and your blue pill conditioning by the female imperative, it takes time and dedication not only to see the world for what it is, but also to re-condition your own attitude and how you interact with the world in this new reality.
There has been an influx of newbs on MRP who is so accustomed to their blue pill world that it physically hurts them to unplug. You can see it in the posts.
My wife's SMV is rising... HELP. MY wife is fucking some other dude...HELP
to the more tame and mundane
I showed outcome independence by NOT showing her how I sulked after she rejected me and I AA and AM the shit out of her argument but now she thinks I'm and asshole and is giving me the silent treatment.
Lets start clarifying some things for you.
First a bit of background A few years ago I was blue pill to the core. I was fed up with being the uber husband and still not getting fucked on the regular. I was so beaten to the ground by constant rejections that I just couldn't muster the courage to even ask for sex. Of course I had THE TALK a lot of times. I would mope about the house ready to fly of the handle at even something insignificant in the hopes that she will see how her rejection is hurting me and that SHE would change and start fucking me again. I was the master of the covert contract.
So being fed up I hamstered my way into an affair. Now this was not your typical affair. This women's husband knew I was fucking her. This was before internet porn could label it as cuckolding him. It was a fucked up situation, but she fucked like a pornstar nymphomaniac and my dick was getting drained until it fucking hurt, so I ignored the fucked up nature of it all and plowed on like a tractor.
Here is the strange thing. I was getting all the sex I wanted on the side, and suddenly I was starting to get a lot of sex at home. It took a while for me to realize why, (this was before MRP), but because I was getting pussy on the regular, I was a fuck ton less needy and whiny with the wife, and I started showing confidence in myself again. My affair stopped before I discovered MRP as the mother lode, and sex dwindled down to duty sex 2-3 times a month. Even my wife stated that she doesn't know why, but we had such a good two years and now that is gone again.
Abundance Mentality After discovering MRP I realized that what I got from my affair was AM.
AM is the basis that sex, and for that matter everything you do, you do for yourself and your wife chooses whether she goes along for the ride or not. If you initiate sex and she resists, you are confident enough in yourself that you have better things to do than to convince her to fuck you. If you have somewhere to go and she doesn't want to come along that is her loss. A lot of advice for newbies is to line up something to do before you initiate. That way you can get up and jump right on to the next awesome thing you have to do. And then you have to own that shit. Recently there was a guy that got up and started mowing his lawn. At night? Come on, you say. But he owned his lawn mowing like it was the most natural thing in the world to trim your edges after dark.
AM is the same as when have plans to go camping on the weekend and you ask your buddy to tag along. You have already made the preparations, you are going anyway. If he wants in great, if he doesn't, still great, because you are going anyway and are going to have a good time.
AM is always having something to do that you want to do for yourself. Because you are the only one that matters and you have options.
Outcome independence After discovering MRP I realized that even during my affair I never had OI.
OI for me is even more important, not so much for unplugging, but for sexual strategy. OI is offering something to someone not because you want something or some validation in return, but just because you have something to share and doesn't really mind if they take it or not. In a man/women or sexual context it ultimately refers to not giving a fuck if she rejects your sexual advances. In a more everyday setting it can be compared to you wanting to give your child a piggy back ride and just get up and move on if he/she doesn't want to play. To have true OI you have to reach a state between compassion and not giving a fuck. You can lead a horse to water, but that's where it ends. You don't care if the horse drinks or not. Yes, In order to fake OI in the beginning you have to have some kind of Abundance mentality. You have to have something else lined up to go and do. But the main difference for me between the two is with AM you know you have other options. With OI you don't give a fuck about the outcome and you can continue on your merry way.
OI is YOU offering someone the chance to come along for the ride. You are going regardless of their acceptance or not. OI is going through life without seeking validation from anyone.
I had AM mentality because I knew that regardless of whether my wife fucked me or not, I will be getting some pussy anyway, but because I didn't have true OI I was still butt hurt by the rejection. Do you get it?
Why being butt hurt is your biggest enemy
This has a lot to do with your teeny tiny fragile ego. Now ego as used in MRP is NOT what we generally refer to as ego. When we use the word ego it has to do with that tiny voice in your head that is constantly seeking validation from others. As an example. There is a lot of newbs that post here, hat in hand, humble as fuck, about what to with his wife. She does this and she does that. He thinks that because he is humble and not a fucktard he has no ego. It might seem that way. But because he can't see past the fact that the fuck ups are all his to own and he blames his bitch wife for his lack of sex, he actually has the biggest ego af all. He needs validation that she is wrong to feed his ego. Yesterday a guy posted about his wife cheating on him in all sorts of manner. She was just being mean about how she went about it. He was here asking for ways to make her stop hurting him. He needed the validation that she is a harpy bitch and he is the good husband. If you want validation post on /r/DeadBedrooms . There you can be sure that everybody will agree with you that the problem lies with her. Fucking sex denying cunt wife that she is.
If you can't get to a place where you can not be butt hurt over rejection, or anything for that matter, you will never grow as a man. You will never get to learn from the experience and get to a place where you approach your situation from another angle , because your ego will always look for someone or something else to blame. Your butt hurt will fuck with mind so much that you will fester and die from the fucking resentment rather than look for ways to change.
I was getting pussy on the side. My balls were getting drained. I had Abundance mentality, but my lack of OI lead to me being butt hurt about getting rejected, and then sitting in front of the T.V. the whole night thinking how I hate my fucking wife and how she is hurting me. This never got me to a point where I thought about my life and what I wanted to do. It kept me in the dark feeling sorry for myself.
How to get AM and OI and not be butt hurt.
As has been said a lot by SPT the last couple of weeks. We are building men here. In order to become a real man you first have to realize what it means to be a real man. A real man is a beast of burden. He shoulders the responsibilities of his life and his family. He takes control of his surroundings because that is his fucking job as the man of the house. A real man does this by shouldering the weight because he is the man, the father and the husband of his household. NOT because he is a bully that wants his own way and try to enforce that by demand. He seeks no validation for the things he do. He simply does it because it has to get done and he is the man.
A real man, is secure enough in himself not to care about what other people say or think about him. He chooses his path and follows without falter. If your conviction is strong enough other people will follow your vision and your path without question. YOU HAVE TO OWN YOUR SHIT.
You get there by learning, by growing, by continues improvement. Not by sitting in front of the fucking t.v. smoking weed and playing xbox. The modern world has provided us with all the things we need to become fuckhole weaktards. If you want to be a man that grows and evolves you HAVE to do shit that adds value to your own life. By default you add value to other peoples lives.
High value men are a sought-after commodity. And once you are getting to that top percentile of desirable men you start to get abundance mentality.
When you have serious shit to do for yourself, for your own improvement, because you see a need somewhere and react to it. When you are constantly out and about growing, learning, giving value, you start to get outcome independence.
And when you have these two licked, you have option, you don't get butt hurt by any setback. not at work, not in life, and not from your wife rejecting your advances. And then you will have the mental capacity to clearly look at why something happened to you, see the real reason, and then get to a real solution. And you grow from there.
In the beginning you have to fake it sometimes, but success will lead to more success, will lead to true DNGAF.