~ archived since 2018 ~

Own your shit to avoid her negative emotional intimacy

June 27, 2017
127 upvotes

I have long touted the position that sexual attraction and emotional intimacy are completely separate pillars of a relationship. This flies in the face of popular modern thinking. Women, marriage counselors, and modern society as a whole insist that for women, emotional intimacy is an absolute prerequisite to sex. That if she’s not in love with you, her legs are crossed.

Of course, female behavior flies in the face of this assertion. You need look no farther than your nearest bar to see women going home and having sex with guys they barely know. The sexual attraction is there, but emotional intimacy is not. Many married couples find angry sex, when the two of them are fighting, and even the subsequent make-up sex, to be some of the best sex they’ve ever had. At that particular time, sexual attraction is there, but emotional intimacy is not.

On the flip side, one need only look as far as the internet, any marriage counselor’s office, or even a modern sitcom, to see the opposite situation. People who love each other and are emotionally close, but the sexual attraction isn’t there, so sex is absent, infrequent, a chore, a fight. Emotionally intimacy is there, but sexual attraction is not.

Sexual attraction and emotional intimacy are two separate pillars of a relationship. While society tends to prioritize “love” and insist that a focus on sex is shallow and trivial, a relationship that lacks sexual attraction is every bit as much of a failure as a relationship that lacks emotional intimacy.

However, while these two pillars are separate, they are not unrelated. If a woman does not think you are sexually attractive, this often manifests in her behavior. A wife trapped in a marriage to a husband she doesn’t want to fuck tends to be disrespectful, bitchy, and downright mean. He may be the nicest and most thoughtful husband in the world, but if he’s an unattractive chump in her eyes, nothing he ever does will be good enough. Conversely, if a wife is married to a husband she, and every single one of her friends and neighbors, wants to fuck more than anything, she’ll respect the hell out of that man, even if he barely lifts a finger to do things for her. Most guys are somewhere between these two extremes.

If you’re a random guy at a bar, picking up random women, you don’t need to worry about emotional intimacy. You can just be attractive. But if you’re a husband, the relationship between sexual attraction and emotional intimacy is a factor you need to consider in your dealings with your wife.

The core of the issue is that women contextualize sex. A woman will have a random threesome in college, just to see what it’s like, with people she doesn’t even like. She will have six one-night stands with strangers from the bar, one of which included her only experience with anal, all of which included blowjobs. She will consider all of this to be positive, enriching experiences. She will be raped one night in the bar parking lot and consider that to be the worst experience of her life. She will date her husband-to-be and make him wait six months before having sex for the first time, marry him after two years, and have once a month, missionary-only sex, no blowjobs. And all of these different sexual standards for different experiences will all make sense to her based on the roles each of these guys played for her.

Women will hold different guys to different standards, based on the role that guy is currently filling in her life. When a woman goes to the bar looking for a random dick to have some fun with, it doesn’t matter if the guy is a bit of an asshole. He’s hot, he’s confident, so he’s good for a fuck. The lack of emotional intimacy doesn’t matter, because she’s not holding him to any standard of emotional intimacy.

Conversely, when a woman is with her husband, she’s holding him to a different standard. Her husband is expected to fill the role of husband, not the role of random dick from the bar. If her husband isn’t measuring up and fulfilling his role for her and for the family, she is going to feel resentment, anger, even hate. Essentially, negative emotional intimacy.

While emotional intimacy isn’t a prerequisite for sex, if your wife feels a whole lot of negative emotional intimacy – anger, resentment, hate, etc. – then this negative emotional intimacy may serve as a barrier to sex, even if she’s attracted to you sexually. Even when, had you been a random guy at the bar instead of her husband, she’d have fucked you.

Your wife holds you to a higher standard than she holds other men, and if she feels resentment regarding your failure to meet that standard, this will keep her from fucking you even if the attraction is there. When you married her, you promised to fill the role of husband, not the role of random dick from the bar, and if your shit isn’t handled and you aren’t filling that role properly, the hate she feels for you for breaking your promise – that negative emotional intimacy – will cock block you worse than any nosy toddler. And all of the muscles in the world and all of the flirting with your neighbors imaginable won’t fix this.

What’s worse is that the next random dick at a bar she sees on girls’ night, who isn’t being held to the same standard as you, will seem a lot more emotionally close to her than he actually is, simply because all of that negative emotional intimacy isn’t there. The absence of resentment and hate will feel like love to her.

The normal advice of “be attractive, don’t be unattractive” works just fine for random guys at a bar, but once you’re married, you have the added burden of owning your shit. Getting you shit handled. Keeping your wife comfortable that the shit is taken care of and that she doesn’t need to worry her pretty little head about the shit.

Married life is harder than single life primarily because you’ve agreed to additional responsibilities, for the same sex you could have had while single, usually because you’re planning on making some babies. Essentially, the transaction is that you promise to be better than a random guy from the bar and she promises to have your kids. If you’re cheating your wife out of what she thought she bargained for by not owning your shit, more muscles won’t help.

Unmarried guys can disregard emotional intimacy in a way that husbands can’t. Although trying to trade good behavior for sex is a huge error, handling your shit like an awesome husband so that your wife doesn’t hate your guts is critical to getting laid, and every bit as important as lifting weights.

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Post Information
Title Own your shit to avoid her negative emotional intimacy
Author Archwinger
Upvotes 127
Comments 84
Date June 27, 2017 6:26 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit /r/MarriedRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/own-your-shit-to-avoid-her-negative-emotional.198692
https://theredarchive.com/post/198692
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6juo20/own_your_shit_to_avoid_her_negative_emotional/
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Comments

[–]Alpha_Engineer9931 points32 points  (50 children) | Copy Link

"A wife trapped in a marriage to a husband she doesn’t want to fuck tends to be disrespectful, bitchy, and downright mean. He may be the nicest and most thoughtful husband in the world, but if he’s an unattractive chump in her eyes, nothing he ever does will be good enough. "

This hit me square in the jaw. Pure gold. I was this beta thoughtful husband. Wish someone would have told me this when I got married. I was always home everyday immediately after work, sometimes got home before her, helped out with the kids before dinner, changed diapers, set the table, wash the dishes, read bedtime stories, never went outside the house, never went out to the bar or with the guys, was the perfect little beta biotch. - but I could NEVER do anything right. Constantly got ridiculed & walked on egg shells with her, never wanted to "set" her off.. Horrible way to live.

Remember one time- during my Beta sexless years (which was mostly all of them-10 years) with kid # 1: It was bath time, being Alpha_Engineer99, of course I read all the baby books and took copious notes. I was preparing the bath water and recalled the perfect water temperature it should be from page 94, section B, sub paragraph 3, point B & C: I didn't want to fuck it up, I used two different thermometers and took an average of the best three readings I could get to match the precise temperature. I was so proud of myself and couldn't wait to show her what I did. She bitched the whole time because I took so long and also because the water was "too ho"t! I was so hurt and cried to myself later. Fucking pathetic. I've come so far now. I didn't know that she doesn't care about the details.. only the way it makes her feelz.. As a beta, I could never do anything correct. Can't tell you last time I loaded the dish washer wrong... Used to get that all the tine. Loved this post, thanks.

[–]ArchwingerMarried- MRP MODERATOR[S] 18 points19 points  (30 children) | Copy Link

There was one time with me, shortly after our daughter was born.

I'd always done our laundry, but I suck at folding clothes. I mean, the job gets done, they go into drawers, but they're not perfectly folded. I'm just not a clothes surgeon. It's not something I have any aptitude for. So sue me. But if I don't do it, we'll be living out of the laundry basket, because my wife just doesn't put laundry away. She has a pathological inability or something. So I just started taking care of the laundry. She would always complain about how I didn't fold the clothes right. She bitched that I rush the job because I don't care and don't respect her. That I can't even do laundry right. She does this, and that, and that, and all that I do (you know, besides supporting the family, cooking, child-care, etc., etc. -- but that doesn't count, nope, all that I do) is the laundry, and I can't even be bothered to not half-ass that like I half-ass everything.

So I buck up and I fold this particular basket of laundry perfectly. I take ages to do it. I even take our daughter's dresses and other clothes that would normally be hung in her closet and fold them just right. Normally, I'd just drape them over the top of the basket and carry it all upstairs, then hang them, but since it would be a little while until I actually put the clothes away, I wanted that basket of clothes looking perfect every time we walked past, so I even neatly folded the hanging clothes.

My wife walks by, stops, stamps her feet, and yells why did I waste time folding those dresses. She then rails into me that this is exactly what she's always talking about. How I always waste time. She was busy doing this, and that, and that, and instead of helping her, there I was hiding behind the laundry, wasting time folding shit that didn't need to be folded. Probably because I don't respect her and was just trying to get out of real work.

There was this other time. I got an awesome job offer in another city, and my wife didn't want to move. I told her the good news, and she rages into the bathroom and slams the door. After about an hour, she comes out, and every single towel from the bathroom closet is on the floor in a pile in the middle of the bathroom. She declares to me that maybe when we have a new house, I'll actually take care of it and fold the towels properly, then storms off leaving me there refolding the towels she threw on the floor.

I still seethe inside about shit like this. I want to divorce my wife, even today, and if we didn't have a kid that I would lose, I'd do it in a heartbeat. She was so terrible and I didn't deserve it, and all of this hate and resentment inside of my body is fucking poisonous. I can let it go most days. Get it out in a workout. But man, sometimes I still want to punch something.

[–]blarggggggggggg7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

This is a perfect example on my married men need to learn NOT to take their wife's criticism seriously. Damned if you do things one way, damned if you do them another. Giving the slightest fuck and you are living in their frame instead of yours.

[–]ArchwingerMarried- MRP MODERATOR[S] 11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Exactly. Months later, I'd bring up that time my wife said or did something absolutely vile, hoping she'd realize how awful she was being and change, and she'd have no recollection of it. That incident wasn't even a blip on her radar. It wasn't an incident at all to her. She was just talking and feeling and venting.

This interaction that was a huge deal to me and pissed me off royally wasn't anything to her. She didn't remember it. It was just another day of interacting with her loser husband in her mind. It was just conversation. When you have a loser husband, that's just how you talk to him.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yes, Interesting point. Long ago CAD told me how beta it as to try to get the wife to admit to her shortcomings in the past, much less expect her to make them up to me.

As time went by I found that, she did not even remember ANY of the things that I ever brought up. They were lost in space for her. In fact, bringing them up was often used against me......

Finally I took u/Bogeyd6 advice and put the past in cold storage. My broken record to her is, "that's in the past, I am only worried about today and tomorrow." then change subject. It made a big difference.

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's great advice. Thanks for repeating it. I love the added implication of "do you want to be future wife? "

[–]AechzenMRP APPROVED3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She didn't remember it.

Selective Alzheimers.

I bet she can remember the times she behaved well.

[–]hbPUA4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Damn man. This morning I've been thinking of getting kids and moving in with my LTR. But you just reminded me of my previous blue pilled LTR days...

[–]TheBunk_TB4 points5 points  (21 children) | Copy Link

Kids shouldnt keep you from a divorce the same that they cant keep you in a marriage.

[–]ArchwingerMarried- MRP MODERATOR[S] 6 points7 points  (20 children) | Copy Link

Currently, I'm in my little girl's life constantly. Every day. Every school drop-off, every meal, every bedtime, every after-school activity. She and I are close.

If I get divorced, I'm in my little girl's life every other weekend, Wednesday afternoons, and alternating summers and holidays. I go from being with her 100% of the time to 2/7ths of the time, while paying for the privilege.

The other 5/7ths of the time, she's with Mom. She'll turn out just like her mother. Not to mention her mother will try her darndest to negatively influence the quality of my 2/7ths of the time.

Yeah, fuck that.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

She still has you hostage. She still wins.

[–]ArchwingerMarried- MRP MODERATOR[S] 6 points7 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

I guess. If I were some MGTOW fucktard who cared more about my solitary hobbies and my money than my child, I suppose I'd be all about muh freedom. But since I'm not a fucktard and I actually love my child and enjoy my life with her, and currently have my wife reasonably under control, it's not so awful.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I am talking emotionally.

you have a plan once daughter is out of the house?

[–]ArchwingerMarried- MRP MODERATOR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Vaguely. A lot can change in over a decade.

[–]bunny_throwaway0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

If I were some MGTOW fucktard who cared more about my solitary hobbies and my money than my child

Something related to this - What if a guy doesn't want to have kids? Marriage is definitely out of the question. I know you love your daughter and she is probably the most important person in your life - But is it necessary that every person has kids? What if they don't feel the need/urge/love? to have kids? Or like me where i feel i just don't have the necessary emotional and social skills to give the kid a good upbringing and will be a shit dad

[–]ArchwingerMarried- MRP MODERATOR[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I dunno. I don't really tell people what to do. I just tell them what I'd do. I assume most people are smart enough to think to themselves, "Nah. I don't really care about that", without being given a multiple choice list of priorities.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

its like me saying I wouldn't stay for the kid. Its not my life. Its his choice. He knows the issues.

[–]bunny_throwaway0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah that's all good

I just wanted to know what he thinks about a life without marriage and kids - because I am planning to go that route

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Why do you care what he thinks about it??

[–]TheBunk_TB0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I follow you. It scares me the same on my end.

[–]AechzenMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you're that involved, you can probably win 50-50. Consult a lawyer, document it, and put it in writing.

[–] points points | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]ArchwingerMarried- MRP MODERATOR[S] 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I could probably get her to agree to 50-50 custody beforehand. Under the premise that it's best for our daughter, and every cent we don't spend fighting with lawyers is a cent we get to divvy up between ourselves. Then, it's just a matter of refinancing the house to cut her a check for half the equity. Giving her half the savings account plus half the value of the furniture. And signing our cars over to each other.

It wouldn't be a hard divorce. But once real money and time with the kid are actually in play, and she has a lawyer telling her "why agree to that? I can get you more", shit could get more real.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Im sad you havent gotten in a car accident yet

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[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]TaistoKarhu0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Shit man, thanks for sharing this. Lately I've been alienating from my MRP work because I'm very certain that my relationship is unsalvageable. My goal is now to endure and evolve until the time is right for me to leave. This postchain hits so close home, I can now see that guys here had the exact same shit and managed to make something out of it. I need to pick up the slack, even if it doesn't benefit my relationship, I've been using the seemingly long time frame and lack of possibility to salvage this relationship as an excuse to not focus bettering myself in all areas.

Is there something special in your journey that tipped the scales eventually? How did you get her to stop this behaouvior, or did it just go away in the process? I'm still always left wondering how to respond to this stuff, as nothing I learnt here seems to work.

[–]Bulk_king110 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Jesus man that was brutal to read. But I just picture you having nightmares now and waking up sweating over unfolded laundry. 😂 sucks you're in that situation

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wow that was hard to read. You sound like a grade A dad and husband, what every woman says she wants, yet the reality is so much different. It is brutal to watch beta men and the way they are psychologically abused by their partners.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

But how do you "own your shit"? Do you just do what you want to do like go to the gym, bar, etc. And then take care of shit at home as well, like handle shit test, keep frame, etc?

[–]alphabeta49MRP APPROVED16 points17 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

It's mindblowing reading questions like this. Such a simple concept, made to be abstract and complex by our love of victimhood.

Your shit = everything that is in your sphere of influence.

Own it = make decisions about it all, and make no excuses for those decisions

Also helpful:

DEER = don't fucking Defend, Explain, Excuse, or Rationalize your shit.

When you've owned your shit long enough, you'll start becoming natural at it. That's when you start developing Frame.

[–]Poofysmoof2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Abundance helps this, if you know you can get other women easily your on the right track. You should know you are the man and you add value to her life. Even though you don't plan on leaving be the man that she wants and others want. This keeps you in the right mindset.

I live by strong body, strong mind, strong soul. I've improved those core areas in my life and I now control my life. This helps you raise your value.

If I can keep her in the right mood I know I'm in the right frame, it only takes one bad day and you can move into her frame which is petty arguments, nitpicking and such just an emotional train wreck. I make sure she's as happy as a gitty school girl. This helps you sense any incoming issues. The best part about keeping her in this mode are sex and blowjobs are just around the corner.

[–]alphabeta49MRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Abundance helps this, if you know you can get other women

But abundance comes later. Owning of the shit comes first, for it's in that owning that our confidence, and thus abundance, grows. If you're not owning your shit, then deep down you know, maybe even subconsciously, that you're a shit person and that no one else should want to be with you.

Own your shit > abundance > real confidence > a better life

[–]Bulk_king111 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Not always. I didn't have my shit together at all at one point I mean at all but I had abundance.

I was a drug addict/alcoholic lazy and always trying to find my next high. But God dammit if I wasn't banging a new woman every weekend and even during the week then I don't know what I was doing.

Now that I am getting my Shit together and owning everything I feel great. The abundance is still there but for me it always was

[–]alphabeta49MRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Makes sense. Was speaking too much from personal experience.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I wasn't trying to think all complex about the phrase, prob seemed like that but I was just asking. I understand now, thanks for taking time explaining.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

He said don't DEER.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Gotcha

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

But how do you "own your shit"? Do you just do what you want to do like go to the gym, bar, etc. And then take care of shit at home as well, like handle shit test, keep frame, etc?

I will tell you the opposite of owning your shit.

  • Let the house fall apart. Wife has to make you a "honey-do" list. Ignore the list until you have holes in the floor.

  • Turn on the window air conditioner while the other window is open

  • Forget to turn off lights at night and lock the door. Go to bed early. Make it wife's problem.

  • Leave the door to the basement open and the toddler walks into it.

  • Promise to call the plumber and don't do it

  • Let her get the kids to bed, or out the door. ALL the "leading" stuff.

  • Insisting on watering the lawn and leaving the sprinkler on overnight, creating

  • Taking a shower at the wrong time messing up bedtime for everyone.

----> The first stage of owning your shit is not actively making her life harder by not forgetting important stuff, breaking stuff, losing stuff, or screwing stuff up. The second level is proactive house maintenance and leading the family. (Another level-2 activity is setting your own goals and commitments and keeping them.) The third level is proactive family maintenance - getting the kids clothes, registering them for softball, making sure they have all the softball stuff they need,

At each higher level she can sit back and relax and trust you more, allowing her to be more feminine and to excel at the tasks she has. You don't have to do all of them; you might ask her to sew or cook or whatever. (And yes, these can be negotiated. Just lead at it)

Getting the clothes that need to be sewn to her in time so she can fix them, or say they can't be fixed, so you get junior new softball pants in time for the game so she doesn't need to run out at the last minute - that is OYS.

I write this to clarify and remind myself as much as for oyu.

[–][deleted] points points [recovered] | Copy Link

What would you do if you were single?

Do that.

Basically, be 100% in control. Of your life. If she wants a part of it? She has to give value

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What would you do if you were single? Do that.

I wouldn't really put it like that. Some people live filthy sorry single lives.

[–]Flathatter45Unplugging4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Learning to trust my instincts and stop being a people pleaser has been a big hurtle for me. Making progress, though.

[–]redwall924 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Making a living trying to not make people unhappy. That's how I've described my history a few times.

Square in the jaw for sure.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

most of us have been there to some degree or at least our experience rhymes and we can relate.

I do want to note that my involvement in childcare and household maintenance is probably higher than pre TRP.

But now I do things that need to be done and I need nobodys approval nor permission. And its my approval that is sought and Im the one using sticks and carrots and everyone is happier.

Edith Bunker would snipe at todays Low T, Chubby half hubby

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wrt you crying about "too hot". That's not pathetic. It's ok to have a real emotional reaction to abuse. The best response is DNGAF about her being an abusive cunt, but abuse is never your fault.

[–]maxofreddit8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

but once you’re married, you have the added burden of owning your shit. Getting you shit handled. Keeping your wife comfortable that the shit is taken care of and that she doesn’t need to worry her pretty little head about the shit.

This is what most of us mean by MRP being RP on "Hard Mode."

Solid stuff. Well done.

[–]Flathatter45Unplugging4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The absence of resentment and hate will feel like love to her.

This.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

The guys at Dead Bedrooms hate this real talk of yours.

They believe they are owed sex and are upset the bootlicking appeasements are actually worthless to women as the world is chock full of manginas who also slavishly provide and dont get a whiff of the pink

[–]RuleZeroDADMRP APPROVED6 points7 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

So all those foot rubs mean nothing?

This is so unfair. Is the fact that she's going back out on a Tuesday night to discuss work with her "jerk" (her words) boss a red flag?

Ain't she great?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

these misguided fools dont want to join the party and become jerks because thats not being true to themselves

heard that one like ten x

[–]RuleZeroDADMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Nothing truer than dry dick.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

dry dick

is that a Navy term?

[–]RuleZeroDADMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I assume if you have the worst game in dry dock, you'll end up with dry dick.

[–][deleted] points points [recovered] | Copy Link

If Dirty Joe can fuck a boundary in rope stores, then there's no excuse for you

[–]RuleZeroDADMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Go take your jackspeak to fleet week.

[–][deleted] points points [recovered] | Copy Link

Whatever, you're just jelly that lawyers don't take over a downtown for a week of partying.

[–]RuleZeroDADMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

You're off in tight quarters with many dudes allowing us to fuck your women while you're away. So I guess it's the least a few cities can do for sailors to make up for that.

[–]TheBunk_TB0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Excellent reference. If you werent trying, you were dry(ing).

[–]chachaChad3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I’m lucky I posted in dead bedrooms. Some one form here saw my little whine about not getting kisses and turned me onto Red Pill. I was totally in the bootliking camp but now work dread and learning to recognize and pass shit tests. Just wow...

[–][deleted] points points [recovered] | Copy Link

Surprised you did. The blue pill brow beats them into banning anything redpill on sight

[–]chachaChad0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yea, someone private messaged me. Of course, it took me a little while for it to sink in. Some of the early posts I read seemed to be filled with a lot of hate and anger towards women which didn't make a lot of sense to me. I responded pretty well to the idea that I'm where I am because of my own actions and not someone else. Granted, there are plenty of things beyond my control but I love owning my shit now.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This was all covered in great length by Esther Vilar 46 years ago. Funny how we think we are discovering the promethean flame in here but we are really just trying to reinvent the wheel. Western men are bunch of pathetic cucks.

[–]bunny_throwaway5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Not married but still a Great post!

Ps how do you type such long articles and spend time on trp without your wife knowing what you are doing? :O

[–]dontbedenied5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Same here. This sub is pure gold.

I was such a Beta bitch with my Ex...by the end of the relationship the sexual fire was gone, but she still really liked me in some different way, and I couldn't figure it out. Here it's explained perfectly... I was doing great connecting emotionally, but I was a disaster in attracting her sexually.

I thought if I could make the emotional connection, the sexual attraction was a given. Nope! We could have the sweetest night out, laugh and smile and talk all night, stare into each other's eyes and hold each other and kiss for hours at the restaurant or in the park. But when we got to the bedroom it was like she couldn't wait to get it over.

Conversely, I'm sure that now she's sucking a different Chad's dick every weekend, and enjoying that for what it is. But there's no emotional connection there, and it's not even an issue as long as that expectation isn't there.

[–]RPJMRP1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

On point as usual.

[–]saysomestuff points points [recovered] | Copy Link

I have 2 good days of OMS and then come back here and realised I'm an ant standing at the bottom of everest.

How do you control the anxiety of knowing how open you've left your wife to Chad but you're now so unattractive to her you can't do anything about it for months? I literally have constant tension/indigestion and jangling nerves knowing that play by play I've set this up by being a burden and a passenger.

Any tips on clearing the mind of these "what ifs", they are killing my fun vibe and outweighing my motivation from the little wins.

[–]PersaeusMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Get busy , very busy ; and come here less.

[–]RPWolfUnplugging1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This.

[–]bogeyd6MRP MODERATOR0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You didnt have a problem becoming unattractive for years, but now a few months will go towards fixing the problem.

[–]innominating0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Fuck a 24 year old HB. Or, at least become a man who can.

[–]bogeyd6MRP MODERATOR2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Let's not go straight to cheating on your wife. That is a beta move.

[–]innominating0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

K, become a man who can.

[–]AechzenMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I half agree with you; it really depends on where you are and where she is. I would emphasize the word straight. You should keep improving and keep raising the dread levels.

I and others here have discussed how our wives jumped us shortly after we were with other women. Back to back days twice in the last year and a half or so. Not sure whether they can literally smell it, or if it's more like how we walk taller and prouder and wifey can tell the husband has options.

[–]DamnDirtyApe871 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wow, great read. Stuff like this should be a mustread for every guy getting married/in an LTR.

I'm not married but I read this sub now and then since I'm in an LTR again and the usual ' lift, spin plates' advice on the regular sub doesn't fit 100% anymore. Stuff like this keeps me clear minded, thanks for posting.

[–]innominating1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You summed it up with saying don't let her pretty little head worry about shit.

If you want a sexy, personal slut for a wife you have to give her plenty of time to tan, get waxed, and plan on how she'll suck your cock next.

[–]rp_findingmyway0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great post. Just when I thought I understood hypergamy and AWALT, you hit me with this...

[–]jbird6690 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

Lots of good stuff here. HOWEVER, I'd also like to see examples. A lot of redpill advice, while awesome, doesn't include real world examples. THAT is how we grow, gentlemen.

[–]discobolus_ points points [recovered] | Copy Link

"Thanks for cooking dinner. Now, if you wouldn't mind, cut it up for me and put it in my mouth. THAT is how I eat."

Any other critiques? Formatting OK?

[–]jbird6691 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wow, butthurt much? Redpillers should help other men, not berate them. A rising tide lifts all boats. You say own our shit? What are we supposed to own? Apologizing all the time? Being a beta?

[–]jbird6690 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

A much better answer, one which helps all, is post a link: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/5jgxe9/the_importance_of_owning_your_shit/

What I think of owning your shit, and what the redpill does, are different. I'm glad i asked the question. Are you glad you acted like a child?

[–]discobolus_ points points [recovered] | Copy Link

You don't get to assign homework.

If you see something is lacking here, provide it.

[–]jbird6690 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I tried (suggestion for improving articles), and you ridiculed me for it.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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