Purple:

As a young man I was bold, outgoing, athletic, and musical. I had a lot of girls in high school and college to choose from. I had no idea about game or any of that. I liked woman and life and wasn't afraid of either.

Blue:

Met my ex at church. I was very popular and there were at least 5 girls in my church I could have picked from and they would have married me. Ended up picking my ex, because she was the most persistent. Everywhere I was, she was. Total sweetheart. We dated for about 9 months and tied the knot.

A quick note before getting into the marriage:

-Music was my life and passion -I only wanted one kid and wanted to wait at least 3 years before we started trying.

Both of these things were known to her before we ever got married.

After 4 months the relationship took a nose dive. Here are some lowlights:

  • 4 months in she demanded we start having children. Sex was completely shut down until I agreed.

  • Insisted I remove all females friends I had from social media and said I shouldn't talk to other women unless it was business, related.

  • Had our first kid, and within 3 months she wanted another one and shut sex down again until I agreed.

  • Demanded I spend less time on my music (my chosen profession) and more time with family.

  • Is a SAHM and spent the majority of the day on social media. (IE. chores around the house were mostly done by yours truly)

  • Had second kid and she had severe postpartum depression

  • Quit music career and got a cube job to be at home more with depressed wife

I had never even heard of postpartum depression, so I'm thinking my wife is a complete psycho and had no idea what to do. We decide to go to counseling (this was difficult to me, because I was popular in my church and didn't want anyone to know we were having problems).

Counseling went something like this: addictedtoyourface, this is all your fault, if you were doing the right things she would fall in line and do the right things back (sound familiar?). The problem was, all the "right things" that were suggested were strait out of the BP hand book (more chores, more talking, more gift giving, more romancing, etc): This was when I fell off the purple cliff into the blue valley. There is a lot that happened over the following years, but it boils down to the more I tired the worse it got.

Purple:

So, now we're 8yrs in. I'm at work early and come home late. I'm really hating my life at this point. One very nice benefit was that my outlet was the gym/sports. I got in the best shape of my life, because it was the only thing I could think of to bring relief (I was not drinking at all at this point). Well, being 5’10 and around 10% BF, I looked good. I've had attention from women my whole life, but tried my hardest to pay it no mind, because of religion. By this point I was miserable enough that I started to embrace, rather than fight, the attention of women. One day after a particularly nasty fight with the ex I said "Fuck it" Started chatting up a woman I saw at the gym. Slept with her and the flood gates opened wide. I started sleeping around like a hound dog. It was such a relief, I actually thought it would save my marriage, because for a while I was happier....but only for a while. After a few months the highs wore off and I went back to stone cold mode. Finally one day my wife asks, "what is wrong with you?" I looked her in the eye and said, I'm not happy anymore and I've been sleeping with other women for almost a year.

Tears, drama, and counseling followed. I felt guilty after seeing how hurt she was. The new councilor was better than the last, but I was done. I stayed for another few months out of guilt. One night the kids were in bed and she was hovering around me wanting me to come to bed. I didn't feel like it and she kept giving me all these covert signals. I told her I wasn't ready. She kept popping in and out all night. Finally gave in and went to bed. The next morning I got up, put my clothes on and walked out of the house. Had no plan, just knew if I stayed one second longer I was gonna snap.

A few things that happened after leaving:

  • While getting the divorce the judge awarded ex over half of my paycheck, because she had the kids and didn't work.
  • Had to fight just to get them to sleep over at my house.
  • Lost all assets except my instrument, one car and my weight set.
  • ALL friends and some family (including parents for a while) were on her side and told me to piss off. (A lot of it had to do with ignorance. On the outside we pretended to be the perfect couple, so many people thought I was just chasing tail, and didn't know the details)
  • We were in real estate and owned multiple homes. Two out of the four we owned were in my name and I lost both of them, because I could no longer afford to float the mortgages while I was looking for tenants.
  • Spent over 40k (Judge ordered me to pay for her lawyer fees as well as my own, because she did not work) over two years to win the rights to have my kids. Not going to get into details for doxing purposes but it was an ugly battle.
  • Got super depressed and for the first time contemplated suicide.
  • Became a functioning alcoholic almost over night. (I didn't drink at all until I was in my late 20s)

Red:

So, now that the sob story is out I'll discuss some things that helped me get through that time and things that have happened since becoming RED:

  • I never let anything stop me from being active. The gym was my new church.

  • Fought hard in the courts and Won the kids (as stated above). This was a huge burden off of me.

  • Met my current wife and laid down some serious ground rules. I was happy with her, but made it clear I wasn't taking shit from anyone anymore. (This is still before I found TRP)

  • Saved like crazy, did without for a few years and was able to pay off almost all debt.

  • Got a new job, worked my ass off and have been promoted twice. Was making about 45k (just from cube job) to around 87k since walking out.

  • Found stoicism and have been learning to meditate.

  • Found TRP and took a good marriage to great.

I have been hesitant to write something like this out since finding TRP/MRP, because I never wanted people thinking I was throwing a pity part. At the encouragement of one of the mods, I wrote this out over some days (I have edited it way down) and it's been therapeutic for me.
I still wasn’t sure I was going to post, but here is why I decided to:

One of my biggest struggles going through my divorce was that I felt alone. I thought I was the only one going through this shit, and no one understood my pain. I was wrong. There are guys that go through this every day, and worse. I'm sharing this so anyone that is going through something similar can know there are others, and it is possible to come out stronger on the other side. If that's you. Grind mother fucker.

P.S: After reading through all of this, I wanted to point out that I was a complete beta bitch that let my ex walk all over me. I didn't find TRP until well after I was divorced, but I have come to realize that a lot of the bullshit I went through was my own fault. So again, if you're in the middle of this, save yourself some pain and own your shit now rather than later.