[Q] Abstinence from initiation?

2015-05-19T07:13:16+00:00

As with everything, it's all about frame.

If every initiation you make is met with a hard 'no' anyway, and you want to 'go monk mode' as a way of training yourself that you don't really need sex while you focus on improving yourself, then I don't necessarily see a problem with it.

However, if your goal is to somehow punish her, or get her to initiate more, then it's passive aggressive and really comes from the wrong frame of mind.

UEMcGill · 2015-05-19T07:06:45+00:00

That's taking your toys and running away because no one wants to play nice. It very blue pill, as you are avoiding confrontation.

Me, I'm a sexual being. I express myself through sex in my intimate relationships. I will never deny that to myself and my partner. I'm also not afraid of failure. To me, it's just information. Neither bad, nor good. It's what I do with that info that counts.

So if you continue to better yourself, and your initiations are met with a hard no all the time, it's time to move on. Here we embrace abundance.

2015-05-19T11:50:22+00:00

You can do as long as you don't have a covert contract on what your wife is supposed to do.

Your wife might NOT initiate for a while and you CANT be butt hurt about that.

RedCML · 2015-05-19T07:15:19+00:00

Define "orbiter": /or-bit-her/ The male in the type of relationship where the female gains provisioning and validation from the male and demands the male have no sexual expectation.

What you are describing is textbook orbiter / BP. WTF are you thinking? This is the wrong approach in many ways.

You should always have the expectation for sex in a marriage if you desire to have sex (with her). An exception may be when you are married to a cow and have no desire for sex. You cannot turn off the expectation. You can't turn off the desire. You will just bottle up the anger and become bitter. She will not suddenly start responding because you stopped initiating. That's not how it works at all. Dominance is key.

If your sexual and intimacy base-level requirements are not being met by your partner then you work on yourself to build up the desire. Follow your MAP. This is a long process of self-improvement.

fasterpussycatdie · 2015-05-19T12:24:33+00:00

This is you waiting for you wife to initiate sex:

https://imgflip.com/readImage?iid=15215449

You lead.

dandar4600 · 2015-05-19T13:27:37+00:00

Red pill teaches you to be dominant (something I still am working on) and to always initiate and escalate. It's not a woman's job to initiate. The bull is not mad at a cow that she doesn't initiate.

If you're always met with a hard no, then reflect on your SMV. Is it higher than hers? If it isn't then you've got some work to do. Just turning on alpha behavior will not magically get her juices flowing. You need to have a higher SMV and she has to know it. Eventually you will fix the disparity or you will next her.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-05-19T15:52:32+00:00

Bad idea in most cases. If she denies sex, the solution is to ignore and go do your own thing. If you deny sex (by not initiating like the man) there is no solution. Yes it can build Dread=- which can quickly turn into giving up if it is not reinforced with a squirting dopamine shot every week or so at a minimum.

fnordsnord · 2015-05-19T19:43:12+00:00

It is both the nature AND the job of man to initiate. If you wait for a woman to initiate, you will be waiting for a long time indeed.

rediscover03 · 2015-05-19T21:59:57+00:00

Nah, don't abstain unless you're doing an experiment on yourself that's part of your self improvement plan. Otherwise, go to the well for water and be the alpha male any time you feel like it and your woman is healthy enough and in your orbit. That's why she's your woman and wife right? Go be a man, big guy. Enjoy.

2015-05-20T18:42:56+00:00

If I want sex, I initiate sex. If she wants sex, she initiates sex.

If I initiate sex and get turned down, no problem. I'm on year 2 of having sex 3-4 days a week. Getting turned down used to be catastrophic. Now, it's an excuse to focus on a hobby and build up another days worth of energy to unleash the next day.

2015-05-19T15:29:05+00:00

Quitting, or "removing yourself", is often used as an excuse to not push through challenges.

Title	[Q] Abstinence from initiation?
Author	RPAlternate42
Upvotes	11
Comments	20
Date	May 19, 2015 4:26 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/36gd73/q_abstinence_from_initiation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/q-abstinence-from-initiation.201896 https://theredarchive.com/post/201896