Some of you faggots need a reality check. So here it is.

First, I just got my DEXA scan completed, and cross compared that to a BIA scan I also completed the same day. I took the average of those two scans, since neither are 100% accurate. But there were pretty damn close.

The scan highlights:

I am 39y/o, 5'10". My current weight it 227 pounds. My BF is 15.2%. I have a lean body mass of 192# and carry 35# of fat. 23# of that is carried in on my trunk. I have 120# of skeletal muscle mass, which is 150%. My Visceral Fat is at a 7, which is low. My estimated metabolic rate is 2560cals a day. I have a current combined Big-3 lift total of 1360, which is not my ATH, but I do sick amounts of volume when I lift.

Here is what I looked like in 2016 when I was logging 1000's of miles a year swimming/biking/running. After I did my last Ironman I started lifting. Red hat is one year ago, black hat is present day. I am still bulking. I have been on a average dose of TRT of 90mg a week for the past 8 years, with periods of time with no TRT (due to no source and/or sick of pinning) to blasting on 500mg of a week of test. I consume in excess of 3000cals a day, but I don’t really keep track.

Current stack (1 week in) is 200mg a week of test, 50mg of Winny ED, 20mg of Nova MWF and 12.5mg of AI Tues/Sat. Daily ancillas include 10mg of Cialis, 2g of Taurine, 1G of Pantothenic Acid, 100mg of Chelated Magnesium, 1g of Krill Oil and a Centrum Men's Multivitamin with breakfast. Currently on Winny I take 500mg of TUDCA for Liver Support.

Previous stack was completed on May 10th and was 300Test/500Tren for 12 weeks. In previous cycles I have also ran other orals such as Winny, VAR, and injectables such as Masteron and NPP. I have ran 5 cycles since Jan 2017. Most were dirty bulks.

I have been lifting for while now, most of that time has been not Natty. So, let this serve as a reference, not of what is the maximum possible - because I could be GLO and certainly run more gear, spend 6 days a week in the gym instead of 4, work harder, risk more injury and maybe see more results. But bottom line - for you mid 30 year old guys who are lifting, esp. natty - you have a TON of work ahead of you. This is a multi-year commitment you have to be willing to accept. Sure, you will get some beginner gains, and yeah if you do IF or Keto you might loose some weight. But in terms of moving serious iron? Give yourself some time and be patient with yourselves. Bottom line - what is your goal with lifting?

It took me the better part of a year to really get into lifting and switching from cardio. I also kind of tweaked my back in 2018 working way to hard to a 6 plate DL and ego lifting and had to lift baby weight for the better part of 4 months. This was at the start of my divorce. Why did I lift? Cause I was sick of cardio. Then I lifted for stress, now I lift to be a fucking monster.

I have been in a LTR with Mandy for about a year. The first two months I was still a man whore. At around 60 days I dropped to just Mandy and Shelly. About 7 months ago I went monogamous. She didn’t know about Shelly, and kept her head in the sand while I was spinning plates. I have no reason to suspect, nor really care if she was seeing other men for those first few months. TBH, she could be fucking someone else right now, and I wouldn’t care other than STD. I have no ties to this woman, so next is easy as block and ghost. I also have zero reason to suspect she is not 100% faithful.

I slept with Mandy on our first date. I could tell from how she was in bed that it had been a very long time (if ever) that she had been properly fucked by a real man who knows how to fuck. She couldn’t suck dick to save her life, had a gag reflex that was uncontrollable. No anal, not even a thumb. When I went down on her the first time, she literally blew up all over my face in about a minute due to no oral for who knows how long. The first time I came all over her face, her reaction was priceless. In the better part of 7 months I have turned this woman into an absolute submissive slut who will do anything I want, at any time.

I have trained her anally, orally, physically and mentally. She obeys commands with zero talk back when we flip into "playtime." About 3 months ago I was sick as a dog. Unannounced she came over my house after she got off work, made me soup, cleaned my kitchen, did my laundry and left at bedtime with her kids. So she does "girl" stuff to, which I do like. She is an absolute model of HSP's "Bitch Ladder."

I have never been rejected for sex, nor received starfish sex. In 12 months we have had two arguments, and these were due to me giving zero fucks about "manufactured drama." Both times, she also consumed a good deal of Jack & Coke so there is that. In the first instance I simply left her house and ghosted her for 18 hours. The second time I went into my pool to chill. She came out 10 mins later naked and got in with me. Anyway, I suck at comfort tests, because I do not care, and I suck at manufactured drama.

I have learned over the past year that Mandy has had in the approx. range of 20-30 sexual partners, all but 3 of them were in College. She has one baby daddy, and since her divorce 2 years ago she slept with one other man other than me. She had a 5 month long relationship post divorce, then was dry for 5 months, then met me. All of this has been trickle truth as I vet her, either when we are high/drunk and people tell the genuine truth. She is not fond of my sexual history and hates the fact I wont give her a number - other than more than 1, less than 1000 but - she would never admit it openly that she doesn’t really wanna know. Bottom line, I don’t GAF about who she slept with prior to me because I can tell based off her sexual performance when first dating, it was all boring vanilla sex.

Many of you men have women who have beta orbiters. Guess, what? Mandy did to. When we first started dating she had at least 3-5 beta male orbiters that would DM her, like every single SM post, text her, call her, whatever. In less than a month, that number went to zero. In the beginning, I could tell her orbiters made her nervous, when we started dating. Not due to me mate guarding, but because I laughed at it and told her it was cute. I described to her (possible fight club rule break) exactly what they are, and that if she wanted that kind of attention, well for right now, I didn't care. But a LTR woman/wife who wants me - doesn't have a bunch of thirsty orbiters sliding into her DM's. Mandy has many male friends at work, as we all do and I have many female friends. But for you guys who have wives with legit beta orbiters - y'all have issues.

I walked into my relationship with Mandy operating 100% in my frame. There has been no Alpha->Beta slide or any type of recovery needed. What I have been able to accomplish with her in 7 months of training her is nothing more than a testament to building my own slut. But, it also serves as a caution to your married guys with wives on 1000 foot ropes who think you have this awesome "on the road to 100% recovery MAP and relationship" shit going on.

You fucking don’t. And you likely never will either. I went from Alpha->Beta (fucked up really) and the relationship was over. It was never going to get back to the baseline I had established in my "head" so I checked out. I didn’t have the patience for the 1000 foot rope, didn’t care about the marriage (esp. after she tried to take my kids away) and went full on Scorched Fucking Earth.

Other than the duration of my D and the financial cost associated with it, the scorched earth approach has worked. I have weathered false DV claims, CPS inquires, etc. But I am still not a 100% free man, and that causes cyclical depression and anxiety for me in my life.

I have scripts for both Trazadone and Ambien, and use them both to calm my nerves and sleep when necessary. Personally, I love the Ambien (10mg) and take it every night around 8:30pm when in bed. I wake up at 5:30am ready to kick some ass. Trazadone I will take 25mg when the Anxiety hits real bad, but it take the PRN only.

Getting back to reality and expectations. As I look at this sub lately, I see a lot of men talking about their wives, the sex they get, what they lift, how they eat, when they take a shit and how many ply's of TP they have.

Listen, I am in the - "you are never going to get there camp" after my personal experiences with my relationships. But I also didn’t care.

What I am here to do, is tell you about what a possible relationship, under really good initial conditions can look like in about a year. But what you have to realize is that what I walked into with Mandy, is not the relationship I had with my wife, nor the relationship you have either. While I absolutely enjoy and even "love" my relationship with Mandy, I know that she 100% replaceable with 10 other women just like her. I have zero ties to her. No shared kids, no shared resources, nothing. We stay at each others houses often, but the bottom line is that where I live in Dallas - I am not moving out of until my kids are done with school because the schools are the best. And right now, cohabitation is not even something discussed.

This literally gives me all the power in the relationship.

Mandy knows she is 100% replaceable. The fact she has no real ties to me, adds unspeakable amounts of dread to her life. There are times where I feel sorry for her, and I know I fail a ton of comfort tests. Just recently she made the comment "I know if we broke up, you would have 4 other women by the end of the week." My response "Easily" was not the best, and I do need to work on showing a little more comfort at those times.

Back on track, you need to understand that there is zero motivation from your wife to turn herself into a Mandy, unless you are willing to walk away. The levels of Dread are not enough. You have to, in your core believe and be willing to TAKE LESS THAN WHAT YOU THINK YOU ARE WORTH for the duration of your reboot phase in HOPES you will get something back. Good luck dealing with that mental anger and baggage. I sure as fuck couldn’t, and didn’t want to.

For me, at 37 years old, with probably less days ahead of me than I would like…….

I was unwilling to make that commitment and make those deposits into the bank. My balls are snipped. I have my kids. I have a finite amount of time on this rock, and once I took a pragmatic approach to it, I was done. The marriage was over. I started banging bitches and started working on my exit plan and putting it into motion.

This post, is not to tell you, that I do not like women and/or relationships. I actually really enjoyed being married and I enjoy being in a mutually beneficial LTR with someone. But once I am divorced, I will never get married again. I will cohabit with someone likely, but no marriage. I already have my kids, cant have more, don’t want more, so the prospect of betting 50% or more of what resources I have left after this divorce, and what I will build in the future, are not worth it.

Most of you guys need to chill the fuck out. You have a long, tough road ahead of you. What I see is a bunch of men who are either unwilling to put in the work to better themselves, put in the work to exit the relationship or just lack patience and ability to execute.

If you cant commit to lifting, then you will never fix your shit. That is the #1 piece of advice for a reason, because it is so critical. Over three years of work. 18 months of divorce. 6 months of planning before that. One could say lifting gave me the resolve to do what I needed to do.

You, sir faggot - you need to fucking decide what you want. Stop with the fucking mental debate and masturbation, stop with all of it. You either have the balls or you don’t. You either are willing to make those big, heavy deposits into the bank, or you are not.

It is all on you.

The simple question is…

Are you willing to live below your possible means in your relationship in hopes of a sweet payout later? Or are you going to jump ship like me?

Keep in mind, the relationship never defines the man.