First of a little about me. I am 34 in a LTR with a 26 year old woman. Fully took the red pill many years ago but am constantly still learning and evolving.
My gf was initially was one of my plates but over time she proved worthy of a much more serious commitment so I dropped everyone else I was seeing at the time and became exclusive with her. For the first 8 months of the relationship, everything was great. I fully embraced my role as a masculine man and she was able to relax and flourish with grace and femininity. I am the captain and she is my lieutenant. Things were great, until slowly but surely I lost sense of who I was and reverted back to my old blue pill tendencies.
As the relationship progressed, my love for her grew more and more. Gone was the idea that she was replaceable at a moment’s notice to thinking she was a rare Unicorn who I was going to marry and have children with. The thought of losing her started to become unfathomable to me. With those feelings came my beta like behavior. Never wanting to disagree with her. Making sure she was happy, without regard to my own happiness. Allowing her to change certain aspects of myself because I thought that is what she wanted (my hairstyle, what I ate, etc).
It was pathetic. When she was a plate, I never would have tolerated any such behavior because I wasn't scared to walk away. But over time I fell in love and slowly my masculinity drifted away and I was slowly letting her have my balls on a platter. As you can probably imagine, things between us became terrible. The more I was pleasing her, the more bitchy she became. We started arguing more, sex was less, and it never seemed like she was happy. To say I was resentful is an understatement.
I vividly remember the moment the lightbulb clicked in my head. I was at her parents house celebrating her birthday. She was being a bitch as usual and my phone happened to be on the table. She knew the password to my phone and started looking through my messages. I was very uncomfortable with the fact but I was too much of a pussy to upset her. I noticed she started to look through messages between my mother and I. I told her if she would mind giving me back my phone. She said no and kept reading. I asked her again. She ignored me and kept reading. Then the third time I regrettably whined and yelled at her and grabbed the phone from her hand. She then proceeded to scold me like a child and demanded that I never talk to her like that again. And then, it all made sense to me. I realized the problem wasn't her. It was me.
I lost my way as a man.
It was as simple as that. I no longer was this masculine man who was the leader of the relationship. I no longer was a man that people wanted to respect and follow. I no longer was a man who believed in himself and was willing to set boundaries and walk in a moment’s notice if those boundaries were crossed. Her frame became my reality.
How can a man expect his girl to love and respect him if he isn’t fulfilling his role as a man should be in a relationship? How can he expect his girl to be feminine and sweet if his actions are causing the polarity between the two to fade away? Her bad behavior was a result of my inability to be the man she fell for in the first place. Her bitchiness and nagging was her way of crying for help. It was her way of indicating I needed to change and be the man I know I am capable of being.
From that day forward the entire relationship changed back to the way it was before. Even though I love this girl, I realized that I had to respect myself first and foremost and make myself happy. Setting boundaries, telling her no, not changing my unique quirks just to please her. I had to adopt the mindset that things may not work out between the two of us but even if it does I WILL BE FINE.
Once I did that, the bond between us grew exponentially and things couldn’t be better. She no longer nags or complains because she knows I will walk. She is completely comfortable now being in her feminine because she can finally feel my internal strength again. She feels that if she pushes me to far, theres another girl ready to take her place.
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A women will never love you unless they respect you. In order to get that respect from her, you have to be the leader and never lose sight of that for one minute. Fellas, never play the role of victim. You are responsible for your significant others behavior. Be the captain and she has no other choice but to follow. She’s either in or she’s out. It’s as simple as that.
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