There was a post, very recently, in AskMRP wherein user /u/throw_away_acct4 seeks help in his 17-year marriage.

My Take on His Marriage

I believe he got married young. He clearly did it too quickly (3 weeks after meeting her) and this indicates a strong sense of oneitis for this woman. My guess is that she wasn't quite at the wall, but saw it on the horizon and thought she might be able to secure her place in the feminine social structure, and avoid the wall altogether, by marrying a guy who was nice enough, I guess... and kind of cute but wasn't her ideal exit ride on the CC.

^^I ^^don't ^^know ^^his ^^chronology ^^or ^^her ^^sexual ^^history, ^^but ^^I'm ^^applying ^^broad ^^strokes ^^to ^^his ^^picture.

Summary of his post

Married 17 years, not well-off, but better than financial survival. He's in a DB and she is emotionally withholding from him, meanwhile, she babies their 14 year old son as if he was half his age.

He is aware of Red Pill but seems to be wielding it bluntly, clumsily, and only with purpose towards her. He thought losing 22 lbs would be a magic bullet and I'm guessing he constantly talked about his progress looking for validation and a gold star sticker for his reward poster hanging on the fridge.

I don't believe he has read the sidebar otherwise NMMNG would have nipped this in the bud a while ago, WISNIFG would have informed his actions towards his (lack of) child-rearing ability, and MMSLP would have assisted him in creating a comprehensive MAP for himself.

Prologue

There have been some great Comments in response to this from the likes of /r/Archwinger and /r/JackTenofHearts, and /r/UEMcGill (you know... the usual suspects.) One of the great things about this subreddit is that it gives everyone almost instant access to respond and that everyone offers a different point of view. Some will offer almost exact information and advice and some will offer slightly different POVs.

Absorb everything you read in here; someone's responses and posts will resonate deeper than others. We are all different and the women we are with are all different: RedPill is not as cookie cutter as the main sub would like you think.

I had started to write this as a simple comment response, but as I am oft to do, it ballooned from a simple set of observations to a need to a whole thing.

Without more ado:

From Your Post: Your Problems

I've applied some of principles of theRedPill to my marriage and it's done more harm than good

You don't apply RedPill to your marriage; you apply it to yourself.

We have very little sex. She does not enjoy sex at all (she has no desire and cannot orgasm). I knew this going in to the relationship but I thought that would change.

She does not enjoy sex at all with you.

She is not emotional, cuddly, touchy-feely. She could go day after day with no touching, hugging, etc. (I'm the opposite though I wish I wasn't)

I'm willing to bet you are more touchy-feely-cuddly because you see it as a stepping stone to higher intimacy and you are looking for a crutch for the missing intimacy; If she would just hold me, then I would know that everything is alright.

She is emotional, cuddly, and touchy-feely. She just isn't those things with you.

I can't say anything to my son in a negative, fatherly way without it being an argument with her. She still clips his toenails, cuts up his meat at dinner, and things like that. If I bring it up she goes off on me.

You won't be able to stop her from doing anything... right now. However, there is hope.

The Red Pill, and You

Married Red Pill isn't for your marriage. Married Red Pill is simply Red Pill praxeology applied while in the confines context of a marital relationship. Married Red Pill isn't about your marriage any more than The Red Pill is. I would even go so far as to say that The Red Pill is more about marriage than Married Red Pill is. Of course, I don't mean literally, but I will explain this paradox.

Go on the main sub and especially /r/AskTRP and witness how almost every post and question involves how can I... girls or what si the best way... women, and the every-increasingly popular and quasi-MRA posts about feminist this and feminism-that. Everything they do, whether they choose to admit it or not, is centered around women. Of course, this stands to reason as The Red Pill is about Sexual Strategy but they always smack, at least to me, of validating through women in this small way. Still, when stripped bare, they will hold the line of "male improvement."

Married Red Pill on the other hand knows that we are (for the most part) without the availability of other women with which to apply the RP sexual strategy. Since we are "stuck" with the one woman, we don't worry so much about doing things about her or towards her... we are more (in my opinion) specifically centered on True Self-Improvement.

You claimed that Red Pill may have done more harm than good. This is impossible since Red Pill is about you and not her (or even your marriage.)

The first thing you need to internalize, from this point forward, is I am a married man who is now practicing to be single.

As this path continues forward, as you improve, as you become more physically, emotionally, and psychologically attractive, you may find that she likes this improved version of you and wishes to hang around you more often.

Or you may find that she is still a sexually-withholding shrew or that she still doesn't find you attractive in any way and divorce is the only way.

Stop trying to fix your marriage and start fixing you. You can't fix her and if you are fixed and she is broken then the marriage is broken. Once you start focusing on you, then, and only then, will a truly assertive and attractive man be revealed not just to her, but you as well.

The Sexual Desert

You didn't state how often you have sex. You only stated that she doesn't like sex, and din't before the marriage.

Well, I hate to break it to you, but the only way she will enjoy sex (if the above is true) is that you become better than you were when you first met. I won't even delve into how thinking you could change her opinion of sex with you is even possible.

Yeah, You read it correctly: with you. the fact is that your wife loves sex. And given the right guy, she would spread her legs with intent to multiply your brood faster than a catholic rabbit. You, however, do not inspire such feelings. Hey, I get it because I was in the same boat: she loved having me around for the social and financial security and the reminder that she is worthy enough to be married... but I didn't inspire the tingles.

The good news is you can only go up from here. You need to stop being so thirsty about and stop allowing it to dictate your life. This is where we employ OI and the IDGAF attitude ^(see ^the ^end ^for ^what ^this ^truly ^means). when she rejects you, "okay," and then go do something else. You're new enough at this where starfish sex is basically the same as a rejection for sex. If she is going to be indifferent about sex, then you can be indifferent as well: zip up and go do something else without her, or fuck her like a despondent hooker and then zip up and go do something else. I've employed both tactics to positive results.

On top of all of this, you need to live like a man with options. She knows she is the only oasis in this sexual desert. When she sees that you are being offered bottles of water without her, she will respond. Dread Levels 1-6.

Emotional Availability

This one will change when the sex frequency changes. Remember the guy that would make her fuck like a pornstar? Well he's also the guy she would hang on and hug, and touch, and kiss, and do stuff for. The guy who inspires the most tingles is the guy who gets the most attention from her. With a lack of available options she will turn that energy into something else.

Once you have passive dread working for you, are using OI successfully, are improving physically and in the way you dress, then sex will improve, rejections will cease, and starfish will turn into better sex. As this happens, you will notice changes in her emotional availability.

However, it's important to note that you shouldn't be looking for emotional support or validation from her; expect none of it. As far as she's concerned, right now, you aren't worthy. And you aren't.

Self-Improvement

You need to start reading the sidebar yesterday. MMSLP is the book that literally opened my eyes to Red Pill. If I had to put one book out there that I would recommend only, MMSLP is that book. It very cleanly wraps up RP in a very easy-to-digest manner.

You, however, NEED NMMNG. You seem to require validation from her and you probably throw little temper tantrums in your head and have fake conversations with her when she isn't around. I didn't need NMMNG so much. I already had the selfish-like attitude nailed down.

WISNIFG is another you NEED. You seem to have a problem with setting boundaries and expectations (which NMMNG will also help with) but WISNIFG will help you enforce those boundaries. Boundaries, specifically, pertaining to your kid.

Epilogue: What is IDGAF?

It literally means I Don't Give a Fuck. But this is misleading, especially for a novice. IDGAF becomes I'm angry and I don't care about anything you do or say.

IDGAF, when deployed properly is actually selective indifference. When something is going your way and she is good, you are happy, chipper, and altogether pleasant about it. When she is "mean" or "bad" you are indifferent towards her but happy about everything else. The key to proper IDGAF is never being angry.