A lot of text has been used up trying to figure out how to differentiate the ubiquitous "Shit Test" from the less common but even more dangerous "Comfort Test."

If you fail a Shit Test, she loses a tiny bit of attraction and you are not getting laid that night. If you fail a Comfort Test at the wrong time you can destroy your entire relationship.

I am at a conference in California this week and my loving wife decided to take the boys to Disneyland since my school was kind enough to pay for a room.

She came home from the Magic Kingdom in an incredibly bitchy, nasty, angry mood, pissed that the younger one was a whiny brat all day. The little punk actually said that he was bored and he wanted to go watch SpongeBob in the room. They were back before I was done with the lectures at 5:30 and she was fit to be tied.

Seriously, bored at the Magic Kingdom?

Anyway, it was one nasty, shitty Shit Test after another. Complaining about my clothes. Snippily demanding that I go get her some food. Basically being a nasty, disrespectful harpy.

I was pumped after finally getting through almost 9 hours of lecture.

As another poster said earlier today- let the battle of the frames commence!

I made her apologize for speaking rudely and forced her to "ask me nicely." She tried to beg off, saying I am not in the mood. Of course that gave me plenty of ammo to tease her mercilessly- "What, not in the mood, where's the Viagra?" I kept at it until she said "fine" and then in her sweetest little girl voice: "Can you please go get me some food. Please." She even threw in a batting eyelash so what was I to do but walk to the resort restaurant and order the Filet Mignon, medium rare.

After I brought it back for her, she apologized again, this time unbidden, for being so rude. Then she chattered on about how disappointed she was and how much money she spent for just 6 hours at the Magic Kingdom.

Which brings me to the reason for this post which is not for bragplanning but to illustrate the difference between Comfort and Shit Tests.

The first thing you have to do is recognize them.

I knew her bitchy behavior was a Shit Test (Duh!) and there was no way she was going to bring me down. I also knew if I held frame it would eventually improve her mood when she accepted my frame.

The trick was recognizing when the Shit Test crossed into a Comfort Test.

My question for all of you is when do you move from Agreeing and Amplifying and Nuking (calling her outright on the behavior and ordering her to knock it the fuck off) to providing comfort? When do you know to move from the standard Shit Test response to a Comfort Test response?

I have been married for 20+ years and if I keep my cool I can read her like a fucking book. I just bet you can read your wife also. The key is to think of yourself as a hunter! Study your prey carefully. Watch her movements and her behaviors. That is the entire key to good game.

So I knew exactly what to do when her bitchy tone suddenly stopped and she started whining about how the boys don't appreciate all that she does.

I took her in my arms, made eye contact and told her: "You know that's a covert contract, right? The boys are not a party to your little contact."

She was shocked into speechlessness (which is extremely rare for her). Then she laughed- a forced, bitter laugh.

"Your right. But I feel bad anyway."

I put my hands on her cheeks and lifted her face to mine and told her in my most earnest voice: "Babe, the boys are not going to remember anything bad that happened today. they are going to remember that their momma took them to Disneyworld."

Then I tried to escalate but she pushed me away saying: "I am not in the mood. I need to take a shower" Did you catch how she moved from Comfort to Shit Test without missing a beat? I mean that is professional level fitness testing right there.

So of course I used a hanger and broke into the bathroom after enough time for her to get undressed. I gave her a smart slap on the bare ass: "Get yourself in the mood then" was all I said and walked out.

Then, less than an hour later.....