~ archived since 2018 ~

Starting, Developing, and Evolving Hobbies

May 5, 2020
77 upvotes

There is a scant little discussion on developing hobbies on both this sub, and on the r/RPChristians sub so I'm going to go over what's been helpful for me, and why it should matter to you:

Why Hobbies Matter

  1. If you don't do what you want to do, you're always going to end up doing what someone else wants you to do. Having good hobbies is a way to maintain your own frame.
  2. Hobbies are distinct from your mission, but they can certainly support it.
  3. Attractive men stand out from the crowd. They don't blur in with it. Establishing hobbies that reflect who you are give you an outlet for bold expressions of passion that do for your character what peacocking does for your attire.
  4. It's just fun. What's the point of being "red" or "blue”, “Alpha” or "omega" or whatever if you're not enjoying life?

Identifying Hobbies that are Worthwhile

There is a difference between a hobby and a chore/work event if the activities are the same. If you use working out as a means of maintaining health and nothing more, consider it work. However if you are bodybuilding, getting bigger better and stronger, etc. This is a hobby. Part of being a man is to stay fit, but not necessarily to be a body builder.

Do not limit yourself to only one or two hobbies - especially if you are very very passionate about them. I generally prescribe 3 or more to people. These are not things you have to be constantly working on. You could take a break for a month then come back to it. (For example, if it only snows for 4 mos. a year but you love snowboarding/skiing.) Limiting yourself to a few high passion hobbies can lead to pedistalization of those hobbies, and just like doing it to women, it will But that they exist on the back-burner to be worked on when you have free time. Hobbies are major identity pieces, and just like women you can pedistalize a hobby.

The 5 primary categories of Hobbies.

1) Physical Activity/Health ex. Weight lifting.

2) Financial Gain ex. Picking up scrap metals and selling them.

3) Artistic Expression ex. Cooking, art, music.

4) Social Exposure/Networking ex. Volunteering.

5) High Mental Stimulation ex. Reading, taking classes.

While you can ultimately do what you want with your hobbies, I've found that maintaining balance in my life has been of great benefit. So, here's my model. Out of your 3+ hobbies, all 5 categories should be exhibited. Of those 3 each hobby needs to be a combination of at least 2 of these. If you have a hobby that is only 1 it either needs to be developed, or is a waste of time. For example, if you are an artist who never does anything with your art, either get involved in the art scene, sell commissions, or stop. Analyze your hobbies, can you confidently say they are all more than one?

Tips and Tricks:

Finding Forum

There are a number of places online and offline that can be resources for upping your 'hobby game'. Search for Facebook communities or events and go to them. They are worth the extra $20.00 to go to the event. Joining a club or organization. Finding peers is essential to steady progress.

Plan Your Schedule

Be deliberate about your time spent, everything needs a beginning point AND an end point. If you do not have a daily calendar yet, get one. Schedule time for working on your hobby. If you need to shop for supplies, or seek out some kind of inspiration. Give a time limit. Still not inspired? Oh well, start practicing anyway.

Seeking a Teacher

This last part is a no brainer, but seems to be misunderstood once people get out of their college age. Seek someone more experienced then than you - actively seek them out. Of the three, my guess is most of you will grow quickest from this. How do you find a teacher? By joining those forums and watch for the men who  are succeeding the most. Ask them if they can help you out. Altruism is related closely to ego, and there is no short supply of that. Take advantage of it!

Further Development

I have found that the more proficient I am at a hobby, the more I enjoy it. The nuances that I didn't notice before become alive and help me appreciate not only my own effort in what I'm doing, but also even observing other people who share the same hobby, making it easier to utilize hobbies for greater social development, intellectual stimulation, or any other one of those facets I described above. To that end, one way of developing a hobby is to expand the scope or depth of how you're utilizing it, preferably in a way that adds one of those new facets to your practice of it.

Take cooking, for example. It starts off as "artistic expression." You make some food fancy for yourself because you watched Brad from BA make a pantry sandwich. Good job. Now you're interested so you start learning about abstract food - molecular gastronomy, or traditional French cooking like cooking butter in butter or something. And Damn it tastes good. So you invite some friends over to try it. They loved it or hated it, so now you have to improve. You go to a class on cooking and learn knife skills, and wow you didn't cut yourself. Now you're going to the farmers market because rutabaga or some other disgusting vegetable is in season and the hot woman running the business is impressed because "Wow, you shop farm to table?" Yeah unlike all of your friends who still by Green Giant frozen peas. You realize that all this food has made your waist grow by 2 inches, so how do I make healthy food taste good? Now it's contributing to your workouts. Seriously how do I get 150 grams of protein a day? Your coworker notices your food prep looks bomb AF. You offer to make twice as much and prep for them if they pay you. (Now you're making money for something you were spending money on.) Now you can move out of your mom's basement. Great job, killer.

Get the picture?

"But Praex, what does this have to do with RedPill?"

A man without hobbies is an aimless man, at much higher risk of pedestalizing his wife and kids. You have to know what YOU enjoy doing before it makes sense to ask anyone else to join you in doing them. More to the point: if you don't have things you enjoy doing apart from your family, you will end up becoming co-dependent on them for satisfaction and fulfillment in life, which will give them power over you. Find things to do apart from them to bolster in your own mind that you are independently stable, which will make you more attractive.

Hobbies are also an area where a man can find something to strive for. The male drive for improvement is extremely powerful and should be fostered whenever it can. A lack of hobbies forces men to be very narrow in those things which they can build up, which can increase the risk of becoming a workaholic who doesn't know how to have fun or the guy who becomes co-dependent on his wife. Too many hobbies can, of course, spread a man's efforts too thin so that he never becomes truly excellent and admirable at anything. Find a balance and live in that balance.

Then there's dread. If your wife is the only person you go to when you want to have fun and relax, it means you're not out in the world away from her. She always has tabs on you and feels more complete in her knowledge of you. The mystery is gone. By learning how to leave your home for a hobby here and there, even if she knows what you're doing, she doesn't actually see it - and who knows if you're actually doing what you said you're doing? The goal here isn't to make her jealous. But there's value in her realizing that she doesn't have you all figured out - that there are parts of your life that extend beyond her. This also has great value in establishing a precedent that she isn't pedestalized in your life. While this can make her more drawn to you (because women love to know about "EVERYTHING" in their man's life), it's more significant for YOU that you know you can be fine independent of your family. This breaks the co-dependence, increases dread, and ultimately makes you more attractive and stable as a man ... not to mention that you learn to have more fun out of life!

Labeling your hobbies under a few of those 5 categories can help give you purpose and focus to a hobby. In regards to Redpill it will give you opportunities to test out the material you are suppose to be internalizing.(For my RPC brothers) it is essential to have focused hobbies, as this allows you to use them as a means for furthering your mission and growing your sphere of (Godly) influence. Passive hobbies like uninspired television watching doesn't add to those around you, nor does it paint you with the image of a purpose driven man. If you're going to engage in a passive, non-social hobby, like watching television, make sure you think long and hard about how you intend to redeem it - and then ACTUALLY do so. If you say you're going to watch a TV show to connect with other people who watch the same show, what effort are you actually going to take to find those people? Do you already know anyone? Are you going to use the show to build the relationship and ACTUALLY share the Gospel with them through that relationship, or are you just going to have another friend and move on? If you have to change a hobby to be more involved in it, to develop e it into something that challenges you more, there will be more opportunity to influence others and to lead them.

Now, share some of your hobbies here and why you do them. Let the guys without hobbies be inspired by the things that keep you amused so they can learn from you and be inspired to figure out who they are and what they enjoy as men.

TheRedArchive is an archive of Red Pill content, including various subreddits and blogs. This post has been archived from the subreddit /r/MarriedRedPill.

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[–]rn788918 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’ve started fishing the last couple years. I mean truly obsessed over it. Studied the lakes I fish and kept notes. Every time I go out i strive to get better. I’ve also had competitions with my fishing buddy as well. It’s been extremely beneficial for both of us. Naturally our wives fought it but we have been persistent and It’s completely changed our lives for the better.

[–]zuhal9314 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Breaking my usual lurking to say, this is the best post on MRP I've ever read, and I read a lot of these posts. This is next level shit, yet so fundamental at the same time.

Thank you.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

How timely. I'll use this framework when I start digging into what I want out of my life. A good portion of what I wrote down for myself would be considered hobbies and this is very relevant to that.

I'll also point to "The 4 Hour Chef" as a resource for learning about learning. If you're interested in picking up a skill and taking it to proficiency quickly, the book models a good mental framework to operate within.

[–]turbospeedsc3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks a lot man! this is one of my favorite posts here, its easy to forget yourself once on the daily grind.

You inspired me to go fishing again.

[–]zanduraHOU4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I read this, and my initial thought was: "Who the fuck has time to do 3 or MORE hobbies?"

But then, it made me realize - that reaction showed me everything I need to know about the way I've been approaching life. Hobbies, things that I enjoy and do purely because "I want to" have felt selfish. My whole life has been my career, my wife, my kids.... but not me.

I've got a hell of a long way to go, but this post was really helpful as I'm thinking through what it looks like to live the life I want on my terms and do the things that I enjoy.

[–]Praexology[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’ve been creating a board game over the last year and a half. I’ve regularly had friends and acquaintances over to help me test R&D for it. Having to think and navigate the rules, design the artwork, play test, and discussing selling it through some local game shops.

  • Mentally Stimulating
  • Social Networking
  • Artistic Expression
  • (Hopefully) Financial Gain

I’ve done financial “help” for a few people and have gotten the chance to charge for it as well. It works like this: someone asks me to help them build a budget, I get whatever they save for the first month. (Online contract for it. Law Depot is pretty nice.)

Or if I find unclaimed assets that the person is owed I get a small cut. I personally love digging through things and word gets around when I find someone a sizable amount of cash.

  • Mentally Stimulating
  • Financial Gain
  • Social Networking (Seriously, people adore you if you find 10k, or cut their budget by $180.00 a mo.)

I’ve been partnership dancing for a long time and was a paid “professional” teacher for hot minute. My wife and I get hired to work dances or weddings or teaching group lessons at a local studio. (It’s also seriously one of the easiest ways to dread my wife.) Plus the cardio is a nice side bonus.

  • Physical Activity
  • Financial Gain
  • Artistic Expression

I have a few others that I work on, but these are just some examples. Happy to answer questions if anyone has any.

[–]Red-Curious3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I love this post, brother. Very well done. In no particular order, some of my hobbies include ...

(1) Reading/Writing (including reddit)

  • I chat with other writers

  • I use it to advance my mission

  • It's a fun, creative outlet (especially when I write fiction)

(2) Lifting/Running

  • I usually do it with other people, making it socially engaging

  • It's a fantastic time to parent my children and have deeper, more stimulating conversations

  • It provides internal confidence and physical stimulation, as well as just makes you feel good about yourself

(3) Recreational Swimming (seasonally)

  • I love just taking my kids to the pool. Lots of fun screwing around.

  • It's another great way to meet people.

  • It also has some value in staying in shape, depending on how hard we play.

(4) Logic Puzzles + Movie/TV/Audio Book

  • Whenever possible, I enjoy multi-tasking to logic puzzles. My current favorites are Griddlers (aka Nonograms), for which I'm currently ranked 175th in the world by points (i.e. difficulty of puzzles solved, not quantity).

  • When I was in college, I was infatuated with minesweeper and was, at the time 3rd in the world for fastest time on expert setting.

  • These are simple tasks that, while intellectually stimulating, can easily be done without losing focus on other visual/audible things, making it a great multi-tasking form of enjoyment.

(5) Distance Biking (seasonally)

  • It's fantastic physical exercise.

  • It's peaceful and relaxing, providing lots of time to either think or converse with my children (I always have two of them in the trailer with me).

I have a number of other small things I engage in with less frequency - back-burner hobbies, if you will. These are things that I could take up again and readily enjoy if I find myself lacking in things to do.

  • Racquetball. I used to play on a professional level and with professionals (though not actually as a professional). I've never been beaten by anyone under the age of 40, including among the professionals. It's been a great tool for connecting with other people - especially new people, expanding my social circle. That said, since moving last year, I'm now 30+ minutes from the closest courts, so this one got put on the sideline for now.

  • My wife and I are pseudo-competitive with jigsaw puzzles. We've talked about joining official competitions (rather than amateur ones we do with family/friends) to test how we'd rank against other competitive puzzlers. We are collectively undefeatable among those we know personally. My wife and I tested against each other once, using the same puzzle on a computer (i.e. not actual puzzle) and she managed to beat me by 14 seconds on a 30+ minute effort, so we're generally pretty evenly matched, which makes it more fun.

  • I used to do a lot of singing/song-writing, leading worship for churches, and generally enjoy playing the guitar and recording music.

  • I always note cooking as one of my hobbies, but I don't extend it beyond occasional experimentation yet. I do research, from time to time, different types of ingredients and how they work together or affect the palate (the "learning to cook without a book" idea).

  • I love watching musicals (preferably live), but they're sparse enough it's hard to convert it into a dedicated hobby. At best, there are about 5 decent ones a year, which is less than one every other month - unless you go to NYC and watch them on Broadway (which I did last year and am doing again next year).

You get the idea.

[–]DrBeaufort3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's really easy to rationalize yourself out of doing hobbies, but don't let it happen! Other people will give you great reasons not to start. Whenever I take up a new hobby my wife suggests that I don't have enough time for it, and should wait until after retirement (I think she means death).

"I’ve always wanted to sail to the South Seas, but I can’t afford it." What these men can’t afford is not to go. They are enmeshed in the cancerous discipline of "security." And in the worship of security we fling our lives beneath the wheels of routine — and before we know it our lives are gone.

What does a man need — really need? A few pounds of food each day, heat and shelter, six feet to lie down in — and some form of working activity that will yield a sense of accomplishment. That's all — in the material sense, and we know it. But we are brainwashed by our economic system until we end up in a tomb beneath a pyramid of time payments, mortgages, preposterous gadgetry, playthings that divert our attention from the sheer idiocy of the charade.

The years thunder by. The dreams of youth grow dim where they lie caked in dust on the shelves of patience. Before we know it, the tomb is sealed.

Where, then, lies the answer? In choice. Which shall it be: bankruptcy of purse or bankruptcy of life?

-Sterling Hayden

[–]RickTickTickyshaw1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What a great post here. My hobbies are :

The 5 primary categories of Hobbies.

1) Physical Activity/Health - Weightlifting/Mountain Biking/Trail Running - Love getting stronger and pushing myself to get bigger. Got nature and trails to destress and calm my mind.

2) Financial Gain - Realestate investing and Stock Market analysis - Very interesting how industries work and looking at different ways of putting my dollars to use.

3) Artistic Expression - Looking a different designs for inventions and keeping up with fashion trends.

4) Social Exposure/Networking. Really enjoy Habitat for humanity, going to friends parties, like to meet new people and gather different points of view about life and direction.

5) High Mental Stimulation - Taking software classes at the local college for solving puzzles and doing something with my mind.

[–]keepingittogether20Unplugging - quit smoking pot, getting shit done.0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great post, and a solid reminder. I am seeking new hobbies right now, and if things fall into place will get both a boat (family hobby) and stand-up jet ski (my hobby) this summer

[–]luckyguy19-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Damn, if you have to work that hard at hobbies then you taking all the fun out of it.
I guess I've had it wrong all along riding dirt bikes and mountain bikes. I don't have time for anything else and there's not chance I'm going to give them up.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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