~ archived since 2018 ~

Stop Being Sitcom Dad (Practical Guide)

June 28, 2017

Sitcom Dad is a babbling idiot. He doesn’t get laid. Nothing on the menu other than maybe yearly anniversary sex at 10pm missionary style with the lights off to a dead fish pillow princess. Look at these Dads on any sitcom, he is pure BETA and can never do anything right. His wife runs the household and wears the pants (literally…man pants..) She’s domineering, scolds, and disrespects him in front of the kids…que the laugh track! It’s hilarious! Don’t be that Dad. Before the pill, there was a running joke in my family that DAD didn’t know how to do anything around the house… He was smart as shit, but goofy and couldn’t figure out simple things like how to work the fucking microwave. I was Sitcom Dad. Always deferring to my wife.

It was a challenge actually weaving MRP principles in everyday life. Sure, my inner game was developing nicely, passing sh$t test like a champ, but how would I really pull this off when you come home from work and have little kids running around, a wife trying to prepare dinner, she has a headache, cranky, the fucking dog balking, a million things to do on the weekend, and the house is a mess? These are immediate things you MUST do to own your shit and start LEADING your family. Use these things to start framing yourself as the LEADER. At first, she will not like it, you have been a drunk captain for a long time – you would trust you?- slowly, overtime you will regain power. But she will not relinquish it very easily.

Bottom line is, you must own you shit because b/c that’s what a fucking man does, but also you need to get to the point where you can show her that you really don’t need her around anymore… for anything… You are capable of washing the fucking dishes and laundry (correctly) and get the kids to bed on time, etc.. At one point she will realize that the only thing that she brings to the table of any real value is her wet fucking pussy… And she WILL bring it once you get your shit together. There will be a HUGE comfort test eventually and accuse you of leaving her… Pass it.. and then you can make it a point to tell her that you do want her around b/c she does have value, great mom to your kids, fun loving, etc. ass slap, walk away.

  1. Assume the Captain Seat at the head of the table:

When I awoke from long slumber, I realized I was sitting next to my wife at the side of the table while she was sitting at the head of the table. I was sick to my stomach. My Dad ALWAYS had his seat at the head, my brothers and I wouldn’t DARE sit in his seat. He was extreme RED Pill. How did I end up here? Different story. I assume that you are sitting down together as a family at dinner time… if not you need to start. Sitting at the HEAD of the table FRAMES you as the LEADER of the family. My wife bitched at first and wouldn’t let me sit in “her chair”. Don’t get butthurt, keep at it, eventually you will regain power. Then, you can use your kids as leverage. My oldest now tells the younger kids that DAD is coming and he better get out of the King’s chair! It’s awesome. Or I will simply point at him (like saying get the fuck out of my chair) and he will immediately move to the subordinate chairs. Get control of the HEAD of the table. Then you can work on going around the table and talking about how the day went, etc.. but that comes later.. Get fucking control. Would Spock ever sit in Captain Kurt’s chair?? Hell no, but Spock could command the ship as co captain. Eventually work in that dynamic and explain Captain vs Co-captain roles to your wife and kids. Mine bitched at first, but explain she has just as much authority and command as I do, but ultimately it all falls on ME as the captain. It’s my responsibility to lead. (I’m starting to think marriage is more appropriately similar to a pirate ship and first mate dynamic, b/c some wives will gut you in a fucking second and have a mutiny the minute that they see you weak).

  1. Get a Dry Erase Board Calendar:

When I awoke from long slumber, I realized that my problem was that I never knew what was going on that week or weekend. Kid’s birthday parties, soccer practice, band lessons, etc.. all that bullshit. I would always defer to her and ask what our plans were for this weekend. Stop deferring to her. You need to know WTF is going on. How can you LEAD the TROOPS if you don’t know what the plan is???? That way, on Thursday, you can TELL her and Decide that we’re going here, and then there, etc.. I realized that my wife was working off of 4 different calendars.. WTF.! One in her purse, one on the inside door of the pantry, etc. Women are horrible leaders.. don’t tell me that your boss is a chick and she is great.. bla bla bla.. Those are exceptions to the rule. Outliners. They suck at leading. She had all of the calendars and we were still a fucking train wreck. Go to fucking Walmart and get a dry erase calendar board and a fucking fine tip sharpie so you can actually write legible words with it. Hang it on the refrigerator with a fucking magnet. Compile all on her calendars into one. Don’t tell her what you are doing. Don’t DEER. Don’t run off to momma to show her what you did either. If she questions you and says that’s unnecessary, just say it’s for you. Write EVERYTHING on it. Treat this like a fucking business. I guarantee that you know everything that’s going on at work and are sharp and owning your shit, but why would you treat the most important aspect of your life like a drunk captain and leave it up to chance..or a woman..? TELL your wife that little Johnny’s birthday party is at 3pm Sat, let’s hit the waterpark early that day, & we’ll pick up the present on the way home, etc.. LEAD your family. She wants you to lead. I just did our July calendar, wife walks up behind me and says that she LOVES when I make the new monthly calendar… then she slaps my ass and walks off.. Golden.

  1. Family Meetings:

I started doing Sunday night family meetings. I make everyone sit on the couch. I grab my kid’s ninja turtle sword and wear a fucking superman cape.. It frames you as the LEADER. At first, this will backfire very badly.. wife will roll her eyes, kids don’t know what to think.. You’ve been drunk for so long what do you expect them to think? I start off with a little pep talk. Tell them that there’s only 3 weeks left of school, to finish strong, etc.. I then let each person say what’s on their mind or ask a question – but only if they are holding the SWORD. I pass the sword around the room and they take turns. Keep at short at first. Sometimes if I’m too busy or forget to do the meeting, my kids will remind me! Kids fucking love it. Wife will eventually get TINGLES. Few weeks ago, we’re out with some other couples, the Cackling Hens are talking about how hard it is keeping the kids focused, etc.. My wife says that we do family meetings… The HENS were blown away in amazement and asked if she saw that idea on Facebook or Pintrest? She said that Alpha_engineer99 runs the meetings.. Que all the HENS looking at their Sitcom husbands with their Dad-bods sipping their little beer with faces beat red… Losers.. Hens were all over me that night. Wife rode me like a champ later that night. Be a fucking man.

  1. I’ve Decided:

Start making fucking decisions. Start announcing them. Even if it’s something small, insignificant, and funny. It’s even acceptable to tell your wife that you decided that you will let her handle this one. – even if it’s obviously she is the only who can… Do you like the black or brown shoe with this outfit? The brown one. Make a decision, don’t change your mind. Do you want chicken or steak. Steak. Immediate decision. Don’t DEER. I TELL my wife that I’ve decided that she will bring the kids to little Jonny’s birthday party on Sat 10am while I cut the grass. Once they come home, we have Kid # 2’s basketball game at 4pm. Let’s hit Outback for dinner after that. Beta me would have been forced to go to little Johnny’s birthday party.. Now, I get to decide if I want to go to his bullshit party.. (being miserable and only thinking about how fucking high the grass is)

Start implementing these things NOW. Regain the POWER. Frame yourself as the one in charge.

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