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Swallowing the pill is only the beginning. This is a years-long process. Internalize that NOW.

April 13, 2015

Gentlemen, this sub has a patience problem.

Many among us seem to have forgotten that "LT" in "LTR" stands for Long Term. You are in this for the long haul. There are no shortcuts here and you should not be seeking them.

I bring this up because there have been an awful lot of posts containing phrases such as "I swallowed the pill two weeks ago" or "I have been hitting the gym for a month" or "Since I began asserting myself these past ten days." Let's be extremely clear:


If you are escalating to level 7 or 8 dread after hitting the gym ten times in a month and saying "no" every now and then, you are going to blow up your relationship very quickly. That might work just fine for single guys or plate spinners because they can Next a girl when she gets pissed that they are changing and find one that only knows the new them. This does not work for us, we carry the baggage of years of plugged-in behavior that our women have witnessed, become accustomed to, and now expect from us.

Consider this from her perspective. She has been with a sweet nice guy for years and all of a sudden he hit the gym and became a bit of an asshole. She is not going to think, "Oh, goodie, a whole new him!" She is going to think it is a phase, a mid-life crisis, or that you are ill. It will take a LOT of time before she gets used to the new you even if you are very consistent with RP behavior. I've been back in the gym regularly for 4-5 months and my wife still asks if I am off to the gym in a tone that suggests she feels I can't be all that serious about it. Months and it has not sunk in that it is more than a phase. These are the timetables with which we are dealing.

Because your actions and newfound balls are going to be a jolt to her worldview, you need to slow down. A lot. Frustrated that you have not seen results a month after manning up? No shit, we all are. Stay the course. Do not go upping your dread game hastily, as you WILL destroy your marriage.

The ideal scenario for you is that she does not notice a change in you. It was so subtle and took place over such an extended period that one day she wakes up and realizes she has the tingles for you again and cannot figure out why. It's because you have been working your ass off to be a better man for months on end, but you won't be sharing that with her.

So do yourselves a favor. The next time you want to post and ask for advice, take a careful assessment of your progress so far. Step back, breathe, and remind yourself... This shit is LONG TERM.

EDIT: Per /u/TheGreasyPole's suggestion below, I'll add this tidbit:

Another huge reason to take your time with internalizing TRP before applying its concepts within an LTR is that the anger phase is NOT the time to be applying higher-level dread or other hard TRP concepts. When you are still in the anger phase you may feel spiteful, resentful, and distrustful of your wife (and/or all women). These feelings will very likely present themselves in your behavior whether you like it or not. Fomenting the main event while still in the anger phase is a terrible idea and you risk being heated in any discussion. You need to be prepared to deal with it in a sanguine state.

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Post Information
Title Swallowing the pill is only the beginning. This is a years-long process. Internalize that NOW.
Author Shackmeister
Upvotes 63
Comments 20
Date April 13, 2015 7:27 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit /r/MarriedRedPill
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