I was frustrated with all the stupid fights we had, scared of a possible divorce that seemed would come. We both had a lot of resentment and were very angry and unhappy at each other. Sex was suffering from this, which had been our life line before. MRP found me, and it really opened my eyes. I fucked up many times during my transition, not increasing my SMV as fast or effectively as I could have, and even had a victim puke. I worked hard on myself, but still had a couple of weeks of terrible anger phase. I felt disrespected by her, and exhausted by the shit tests. And then we had the main event, and I was exhausted, but I held frame and held frame and held frame. If I hadn't acted, then MRP would have been just a circlejerk on the internet that fed my frustrations. But I acted even when it was scary, I acted because I had to rock the boat to change things. And here I am, with a Thanks MRP post.
It hasn't been 4 months yet since I took TRP, but everything is so different. I am happier than ever since we married. I just feel in so much control of my life. Even though there are a lot of uncertainties, I just channel that into just doing more stuff that I control and make me happier. I work harder than ever on myself and on my household, because that is what the captain does, period. I don't look for approval from my work. Instead of fighting to maintain frame, I feel that more often I get strength from my frame. Stuff that used to irritate me or that i thought wasn't fair now just seems so ordinary, manageable and even useful. Stuff that I thought she had to change so we could be happy now are things that I see is just part of she being a woman and love her more for who she really is.
It isn't perfect, I make mistakes, I miss shit tests, she sometimes still gets to me and it takes me a bit to recover, I should initiate more sex, and I need to get to the next stage in my career. I will keep working on that, because men never stop improving. This weekend it really sunk in how happy and comfortable I feel looking at the world now, the real world. Yeah, it is harsh, yeah, there is no rest for us, no chance for weakness, yes, the burden is heavy for men to carry. But there is also a beauty in accepting it as it is, taking responsibility, and just carrying the burden, it makes me feel strong.
This weekend she threw some minor shit tests at me. I was calmed, I knew she was ovulating, I wasn't upset by the shit test, I just understood she wanted to fuck me, so she had to do this test to be sure I was worth it, and that is reality. I had a passing grade, nothing too memorable. Looking back, I should have used some amused mastery to pass it with flair, but I didn't. A bit after she came with yet another shit test. Instead of being resentful for it, I was grateful. She was so nice she was giving me another chance! I knew she wanted me to ace this test so she could fuck me harder. If that isn't a sign of RP love, I don't know what it is!
I ignored her stupid shit with amused mastery while I led her to do the bedroom by the hand because I knew that is what this was really about. We had fantastic sex. And the next day she was flirting and happy all day. She hugged me and started to squeeze my back, shoulders and arms, and commented on how I felt different. (I acted as if it didn't matter to me, but I know i've put work into losing the fat and getting some muscle tone, and it shows). And we had more good sex and fun all weekend.
We hadn't had such a great fun weekend in many months. She was so into me, it was just like when we had started dating: hanging out, having sex, laughing together, and having more sex. And I understood why so well. She was ovulating so she wanted to fuck an alpha man of high SMV.
And I am that man my wife wants to fuck.