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The Autist's Formula for Tingles

September 6, 2019

Some of you guys are so damned nerdy that it makes even a spreadsheet-loving faggot like myself cringe awkwardly. So, because it’s Friday and I’m better than you, I’m going to pander to your sperginess and make this easy for you to grasp. There is a very simple formula for generating true, lasting tingles. Get our your fountain pen, faggots, and start writing this shit down. Here is the formula with the variables on a 1-10 scale (obviously 1 being you guys and 10 being me).

Frame + Game + Attractiveness = Tingles

The higher your score, the better / hotter chick you can land. Simple, right?

There’s one big catch. This formula is completely wrong because women aren’t fucking robots. They are real people and real people have different preferences all the time. Some bitches like tall guys, others like taller guys. Some bitches like strong guys, others like stronger guys. Some bitches like rich guys, others like even richer guys. You get my point?

However, for the autists that need a formula, I’ll allow my inner sperg to come out just a bit more. Write out your formula on a piece of paper. Maybe you would give yourself a 6 on frame (we both know it’s a 3 but fuck it, it’s Friday, stick with the 6 you lying cunt), a 2 on game, and a 6 on attractiveness (lol, you fatass). So you do some highly complex mathematical equations, jerk off to some hentai, and arrive back at a formula that looks like this:

6 + 2 + 6 = 14

Almost average, right? That’s got to be good for something, right? Wrong. Go ahead and scratch those 6s out and round those bad boys down to 2. Now you have:

2 + 2 + 2 = 6.

That’s more like it. That’s why you can’t get her wet. That’s why she has a headache and thinks about her friend’s husband when she starfishes you 1x a month.

Why? Because you are your weakest link. So replace your other two scores with your lowest score.

For example, If you have a 7 figure salary and have decent frame but shitty game, you will end up with a woman who throws pity fucks your way occasionally but is otherwise completely content to live an expensive lifestyle on your dime. You aren’t generating tingles and you will eventually find your way in here or somewhere like this bitching about how she can’t throw some passion fucks your way even though you threw a Mercedes her way.

Or maybe you have game and are attractive but have terrible frame and are a whiny bitch. You wonder why the marriage bed now is so damned starfishy compared to what it used to be. You are your weakest link.

This shit is not complicated. It’s pretty damned simple actually. You want a woman who is fun to be around, fun to look at, and fun to fuck. You probably won’t be satisfied with a chick that is a 2 in one of those categories. If she fucks like a champ, loves sports, but looks like Shrek, that’s a hard pass. Now, if you are a piece of shit, maybe that’s the best you can do. That’s on you.

Similarly, women want a man who has frame, has game, and is attractive. You can exhibit a huge amount of control over the first two and a moderate amount of control over the last one.

So step your shit up. Get off the damned formulas. Stop getting lost in shit like “durrr hurrr my bench is 180lbs, why won’t she fuck me” you weak, autistic faggot. She won’t fuck you are about as worthless as a deflated kickball. You have the personality of a well-used sponge.

Think this shit isn't fair? It isn't. Life isn't fair. It never was. But you bitching about it not being fair simply retards your progress, retard, and makes it just a bit easier on the rest of us by you contributing to the lowering of standards due to population means. So play the game correctly or get the fuck out, I don't care. But whinging and whining and making complex spreadsheets doesn't fucking help.

And just remember autists, the formula is simple.

Frame + Game + Attractiveness = Tingles... but you are your weakest link.

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