Everyone knows about the Dark Triad (machiavellianism, narcissim, psychopathy) but until I came across a book by Mark Smith (The tactical Guide to Women, How men can manage risk in Dating and Marriage) I hadn't heard of the Bright Triad.

The latter is not a common bundling of traits unlike the former, and takes some explaining. I read this book through the lens as someone already in an LTR on how to figure what I could mold/lead vs. what I could not (and what she had to fix herself\***). I've since sent a copy as a Kindle gift to a recently divorced male friend, both as a post-mortem and a guide for him in creating a better list than he did 20 yrs ago.

This book would be hugely helpful for younger men before they decide to pick an LTR from amongst their Plates.

*** which is also done through leading and boundaries. You have to be HV enough to get her to adhere, and the carrot/stick is your attention (or lack thereof) as a high value male. If she doesn't follow, she made her choice.

Although I do believe that tactically "Boundaries outweigh Vetting" some of the psych level conditions identified in the Bright Triad (or lack thereof) would be appropriate things to vet for, along with her father/daughter dynamic, at the strategic level of filtering and qualification. You must set and enforce boundaries as a way of living, but starting with/picking a woman deficient in the Bright Triad traits is a losing recipe.

Smith, a clinical psychologist, describes the Bright Triad as the traits of:

  1. clarity,
  2. maturity, and
  3. emotional stability.

Example of behaviors that signal Clarity:

  • she can maintain solid communication skills under any circumstance and doesn’t resort to passive aggressive or childish behavior.
  • she must also have an inquisitive mind that is open to hearing other opinions and possibly changing her own.
  • she must be able to self-advocate and be assertive in her thoughts and opinions.

Maturity can be noted in five emotional skills:

  • insight;
  • intellectual nuance;
  • resilience;
  • internalization; and
  • self-maintenance.

Emotional Stability ( men should avoid women who have mental health problems; 2x odds of divorce double when this is the case)

"Mental health problems include behaviors like substance abuse, depression and anxiety, and unresolved emotional injuries. Unless the partner is taking active and aggressive treatment for their problems, they must not be tolerated. It is not your job to rescue someone with these problems; it is their job. The problems go so deep that they will exhaust anybody who gets involved and rob much joy out of life."

I'm sure, even reading the short list above, has you spitting your bourbon at the screen "she needs to be able to view other viewpoints, while communicating and be resilient and insightful while not being crazy?... Where do you find such a unicorn?" .

Exactly. This is why actually promoting someone should be a process of being selective. Have your list of requirements. So many men don't have a list and their LTR is simply someone they kept "dating longer", a girl who was good enough to fuck and maybe take to brunch somehow through inertia became a poor life partner..... So develop a list, use the experience of a shrink who found these common traits - missing in the women in relationships doomed to fail, and common in those women who were worth keeping/able to be kept.

Smith is also

  • anti-cohabitation pre-marriage,
  • pro 2+ yr dating, and
  • warns of legal / financial ramifcations of cohabitating-

So he's no pusher of marriage, simply an observer of the traits of women who are not just bad matches, but bad candidates for LTR'ing at all.

Worth the read.