The series starts here. Last time I discussed the Intellectual Basis. Today, I’m focusing on the Emotional Basis of your frame. I’ll discuss what it is, how to improve it, and explain how a weak Emotional Basis affects your Frame. I believe a weak Emotional Basis is the least studied basis of them all, yet it is one of the most important ones.
If Frame is a tripod, the Intellectual Basis is one of the points it touches the ground.
Having a strong Emotional Basis means you understand and accept your emotions, and can take steps to be true to them without blaming others. On the contrary, a weak emotional basis leads to most of the issues of unplugging: the anger stage, being butthurt by shit tests, being needy, and the worse of all, victim pukes.
Beta men often think that if they only display a bland happiness as their emotion, women will love them. This strategy does not work, which frustrates them, and they come off as needy. The beta man swallows all his emotions, in particular, the negative emotions, thinking that if he stays seeming nice, he will get the pussy he pedestalizes. After a long time in a relationship of the beta man ignoring his emotions, they all explode in a huge messy victim puke, which makes him seem weak, it makes him feel weak, and worse, it makes him very unattractive. Some victim pukes can hit the perception that your wife has of your SMV so hard that it can take a very long time to recover.
This is why a weak emotional basis might be the single most common issue men face when taking the pill. It is way easier to read up on game or how to lift, but it is much scarier to understand your emotions. I suspect this basis is not discussed often enough because it is so scary, which makes it all sounds mystical to the point some people confuse the emotional basis with the whole frame. I want to dedicate this post to discuss how to strengthen your emotional basis.
The first part of your emotional basis is to be in touch with your emotions. This might sound like hippy-dippy bullshit, but bear with me. I don’t mean crying when Jack dies in Titanic. Instead, think of yourself as a samurai warrior in the woods facing your fears. As a man, instead of ignoring your emotions like a beta, or living through emotions like a woman, your job is to understand and act in rational ways that show you respect and value your emotions and are not ashamed of it.
The requirement for this is to pay attention to your emotions. For this, I suggest you look into mindfulness techniques, stoicism and even forms of meditation. All these are used to support troops recovering from emotional trauma. If it works for them, it fucking can work for your. Mindfulness is just an umbrella term for using your fucking brain to understand your emotions and thoughts. It is that simple. If you don’t do this, you make the mistake of confusing emotions, which then leads to unassertive answers. In other words, mindfulness is being able to take a step back so you can see your own hamster operating and you can decide to not let it affect your behavior.
For example, if you have a weak emotional basis, and your wife shit tests you, you feel insecure and judged. Instead of accepting those feelings, you get angry, which is another feeling covering up the originals one, so you act all butthurt and like a snappy teenager pretending to be a man. And you lost frame. It is much much better to detect you feel insecure from the judgement, and then remind yourself “i’m the judge of me”, so you ignore the judgment, and just go out meet with a friend. Yes, this isn’t as fancy as a brilliant “Amused Mastery”, but you can’t pull AM unless you can feel comfortable with your emotions, and it is much better to just ignore and go away, than to fuck up with a victim puke.
After you are in touch with your emotions, you can study them using simple techniques from the stoic and buddhist literatures, and even other traditions. It matters little where you draw it from, I happen to like Stoicism, but what does matter is that you have a robust way to understand and parse your emotions because this lets you see that emotions are both important and also just emotions. This is very hard work, as looking at your own emotions, for example, accepting you are afraid you can’t find a better woman, or you have issues, can be painful. However, as a man, it is your fucking job to do this hard work. Stop the bullshit, and when you look at your emotions, don’t run from them, understand them, study them, don’t be afraid of them. Fear is just an emotion to hide the others. Face that fear, and you will understand the emotions.
Important note: if you have a weak emotional basis, this sub can't help you with that. This is why too often the only advice given is "Hold Frame", to mean "rely on your strong emotional basis to hold frame". The reason why this sub sucks at helping you with the emotional basis is that it is about your inner conflict facing your own bullshit that you refuse to look at inside you. Here in this sub we can't access that bullshit, only you can.
When you can understand emotions that well, you can then decide to act in ways that show your emotional side that you respect them and take care of them. This can come from simply walking away when angry and doing something good for yourself (i.e. Dread), to just being honest you are a horny caveman and tapping into that to flirt with your wife.
Other important ways to strengthen your emotional basis is to have male friends. This makes you happier, which makes you less needy. Another useful thing is to do some intensely emotional sports, such as a combat martial arts (Boxing, BJJ, MMA, etc) where you face an intense opponent wanting to fuck you up. In doing this you will learn how your emotions mess up your game plan, and how to address that. You will become stronger in the process.
Some other books I recommend on this topic are “No More Mr. Nice Guy”, “When I say no I feel guilty” (the first chapters) and “A Guide to the Good Life”. If you have other resources, please share them.
Developing a strong emotional basis is a lot of work. But it is very worthwhile, and one of the most durable aspects of all the things you can do for your frame. By having a strong emotional basis you will pass shit tests without thinking about how to do it. By having a strong emotional basis, you stop needing women to make you happy, and this makes you more attractive.
Now we have covered the three basis of the frame: physical, intellectual and emotional. If the physical basis is handled by diet and lifting weights, the intellectual one by reading books, the emotional one is done by techniques were you face yourself.
In a future post I will discuss the peak of the tripod, the Vision.