Two months ago I filed for separation. A month later I made a comment that I would put a post about apathy being the end of the beginning of MRP.
So here it is:
We all came here in one way or another looking for a way to to get respect from our wives. Most of us were in the Deadbedrooms. We were looking for a way to have our partner show us the respect that only a woman can show a man for being a man by the sole virtue of being a woman. We came here because none of the ways that we learned – or were taught – that this form of respect should be earned – worked.
For some it was about sex. For others it was about having a ride or die bitch with us. But it all comes down to one thing. We wanted that respect that a woman shows man by her desire for him. She can respect you as a good father, a good provider, a good listener, a good problem solver and a and a good man. But unless she shows her desire for you do not feel her feminine respect for you as a woman.
So we start trying new things. Lifting. Passing shit tests. Being cocky/ funny. Even owning our shit.
We become the man women describe in their dating site profiles. Funny. Witty. Charming. Muscular. Outgoing and handsome.
Suddenly shit tests are cute and funny. Suddenly she wakes up to get laid - by you !!- in the middle of the night. Suddenly a “not tonight babe” is just that - because your dick is sore from her anyway.
But just as she can not unsee the years or decades of billy beta - you may not be able to unsee the years of disrespect.
And now you transition from earning respect - to living a life that expects that respect.
And you no longer care if that respect comes from her or not. Suddenly you expect more - not just from yourself - but by extension of that - from the girl you chose to bring along on your ride through life. Some girls no longer deserve that invitation. In fact - you can say a different person invited her originally. Or if you really were “alpha turned beta” - you can’t quite convince yourself that this girl who disrespected you for so long should get to continue being your partner.
It’s not that you don’t love her. Or that you hate her. Or that you’re angry with yourself for years spent in quiet and not so quiet misery.
It’s just that her respect is no longer important to you. When you look at her - you don’t see the girl who wants you now. You expect that. It’s a given. And if All she adds is that - you feel apathy about her. About her needs and wants. About her moods. About tracking her cycle or passing her shit tests. You simply cease to care.
For me - and I think for others as well - this is the end of the begging of MRP. This is when you choose to keep her or leave her. This is when you can actually make that choice again - to add her back to those things you care about - or to leave her behind.
This is when you can start to decide where you will Start to go from here - and which parts of your old life get to come along.
End of the Beginning