TLDR; I've made many personal improvements and give less fucks every day but still long way to go. Sex quantity is way up but quality still has much to be desired. Do I go down the u/TheFamilyAlpha trail or more u/theultmatecad strategy now?
This is not a theoretical post and not really an FR. It’s more of comparison of two different sets of RP tools and my current struggle with knowing when to use each. Puss-fag warning: there are a lot of “shes” and “hers” coming up. I’m stepping out of my frame and my progress for minute to describe an internal struggle I’m having with my MAP, which fittingly betrays the fact that I’m not always in my frame.
I recently read Rollo’s blog post on “The Gift,” which lays out this concept of negotiated vs commanded vs genuine desire -- https://therationalmale.com/2014/02/17/the-gift/. This blog post really resonated with me and where I am in my particular MAP and progress. I’m six months in from discovering MRP. I’ve read the sidebar plus some extra books and MRP members' blogs. I’ve read almost every post here in those six months. Currently reading the BPP’s book now. I’ve made some great improvements so far but am still far from just “getting it” without all the internal game analysis bullshit. u/bogeyd6 recently had a post entitled, “A post I declined to make.” Well I almost didn’t post this for the same reasons Bogey talked about but figured I might as well. Maybe it’s man-vagina bullshit or maybe it could help someone else who is at a similar stage.
One of the things I’m struggling with is balancing the fun, OI, confident, playful husband against dread level 4 (conditioning your availability to your wife with her treatment of you). Let me put this into MRP terms that the vets will understand...I’m struggling with balancing the things talked about by u/TheFamilyAlpha against those of the legendary u/theultmatecad. Both have their place and are dependent on the man and situation and probably woman, for that matter (even considering AWALT). I understand that. But I haven’t calibrated when to employ which yet at my current phase. On the one hand I’ve become better at believing and embracing the below traits (TheFamilyAlpha stuff);
A quality man has a positive, fun and playful attitude with his woman,
Not hiding or repressing your sexual strategy and desire,
Making your woman feel good about her role in your life and encouraging her to be better with you by being that example,
Being independent of her mood swings. (This is just foundational MRP)
But on the other hand when should you dial down that “fun, confident, horny guy” (which can be perceived as “rewarding” the wife on some level) and start removing time, attention and affection when her desire is not genuine, when she still doesn’t show much affection, where she still lashes out occasionally in displays of disrespect? (the u/ultmatecad stuff)
Being an Alpha-dick,
Leaving the house,
Not putting up with crap sex .
Going to dread levels 6, 7, 8 and 9.
Because if she's still being shitty then acting like all is good and life is good and you are totally happy and moving on with your goals despite her crappy behavior isn't always realistic. Her desire and sexual responsiveness to me isn’t covertly contracted but it’s definitely not genuine and hot, more like obligatory submission that usually turns into her being into it. Like most women, my wife's sexual desire is mostly responsive (I realize this is normal). Most of my gains in the bedroom have just come from being more aggressive, dominant and frankly just initiating more. Either way, it’s a phase I want to move on from. I want to create my slut (i.e. u/TheFamilyAlpha).
Let me elaborate. As far as sex with Mrs. JD, she is now more responsive to my advances. Sex frequency is up about threefold but quality still has a lot to be desired. She even initiated twice this week already. That’s a HUGE step forward. All thanks to MRP and the sidebar. But now I seem to be experiencing “noob gains” in my MAP that have plateaued. It’s usually not starfish and sometimes it's even way better. Sometimes when she’s really not into it or I see starfish coming, I either don’t initiate or I flat out put my dick away and end it. I’ve done this a few times. The first time (I was weeks into RP) this resulted in a fight. The second was better and the third she basically felt bad, came over to my side of the bed and apologized and asked what I’d like to do (sexually). Probably was still out of pity but this wasn’t happening a year ago.
I’m almost positive the missing ingredient is dread (still working on this and probably needs to go more active than passive), but she also sees her SMV as higher than mine. I’m certain of this. However, I’m starting to see some cracks in this armor...this perceived SMV belief, because a few times she’s made some unsolicited comments about how I could never do better than her. This came out recently while I was teasing her and she was shit testing me before sex in a playful manner. It seemed to come out of the blue and once she even demanded that I verbally say “I could never do better than her.” This legitimately caused me to laugh and her to get mad at me. I kept up the AM and told her that I’m sure I’d do fine on my own. This is either a shit test based on her perceived belief of our relative SMVs or she’s doing it because my improvements are starting to make her nervous and she wants to see what I think. I don’t know for sure but I want to believe it’s the later (oops, there’s that fucking ego again). Ok, it’s probably because my SMV is lower and I’m still a half puss-fag.
So in summary of my overthinking, under-acting analysis (sorry u/stonepimpletilists, I’m working on this); when do you go ultmatecad and when do you up the positive masculine/alpha when you still aren’t getting that genuine desire? I haven't had a good ass kicking here in a while...