Lots of men here refer to the lag time (aka the 1,000 ft rope) from when they started implementing their strategy to when their wives, or more importantly, other women started responding positively. Some report that their wives didn’t respond... but other women did. I’m 2 and a half years into this. A year ago I stopped measuring this by “her” actions and just continued to pursue my own happiness (sometimes selfishly) and to build my strategy with as many options and contingencies as I could. Was there “self improvement”? Ya, there sure as shit was but that wasn’t my overall goal. Building my strategy was. Improving myself was just the bedrock. Or was improvement just a bi-product of my strategy? Eh, another topic for another time.
As a long term MRP member I’m almost hesitant to admit that It wasn’t until a few months ago that I really started noticing consistent positive behavior from the wife. “Consistent” is the key word here. Examples;
She grabs parts of my upper body now during sex and squeezes them while gritting her teeth a bit. Always. She started using more affectionate words and phrases in texts to me. She apologizes for things like not having dinner ready on time or at all some nights. I always praise her efforts in this department because it adds value and she’s a good cook. So when she’s had a rough day and things aren’t all in place, I just say, “no problem baby. Let’s just order something.” Or “what can I help with?” The bloops will love this one based on their post about me and PMs I received about six months ago...She put her hand up around my throat for a brief moment while I was on top of her pounding away a few weeks ago. It wasn’t hard and it wasn’t for long because she caught herself in genuine surprise, covered her mouth and was like, “OMG I just choked you now.” And then she laughed. Surprised even herself. Whenever I put my hand up around her neck, she always says in a half-hearted, playful manner, “don’t choke me..” I realized that she’s mirroring what she likes, and even unconsciously in this instance. We had a good laugh. Uses me as validation in social circles. Photos on Facebook, comments to her friends, etc. Initiating more. Sometimes for sex, sometimes just for affection. Last night she asked if I would cuddle her in bed because she was cold. I still initiate most of the time because we’ll, I’m the man. Sometimes she’ll surprise me which is always nice.
Some women will respond immediately to your strategy and your better self. Others will take months, and still others will take years. Some may never and some may require more than covert dread and game, i.e. a more overt and jarring event to get it through their solipsistic head. See /u/DownVoteforDickPick’s post about his cyclical and recurring jaunt into DL10 to keep his wife reminded of what the expectations are. Some disagreed with this but I say, “it’s a strategy and it’s working.” And it’s assuring you aren’t being taken advantage of in Marriage 2.0. I don’t see any problems.
Occasionally there are debates here about whether DL10-12 type motivators are the right kind of dread to get the sex you want. In other words, is she just putting out now for fear of losing the comfortable lifestyle of a marriage and not because of genuine desire? To that I would say “it depends” and “do you give a shit if it does?” Depends what HER motivations are. Perhaps that sort of ultimatum is the ONLY thing that will cause the tingles in some women. Afterall, society has conditioned men to give up their commitment, time and attention freely and without any regard for our dreams and happiness. The longer you give these up for free, the less respect she’ll have for you. I would argue that this kind of motivation (the “fuck me or fuck you”) might actually increase her desire for you. Probably not at first. At first it will be to keep you and out of fear of blowing up the marriage. But as time goes on and you show congruence in your new steadfast frame to not be a doormat and to not give away your commitment for free, I believe she’ll come to respect you. With that respect comes attraction. All women are different. You just have to decide if that sort of strategy is going to make YOU happy. For some guys it may be the right move.
Regardless, As we always say, it’s not about her and it’s not about sex with her... it’s about your strategy to get the sex you want. That could be with her, with a plate, with her and a plate or with a new girl(s) in a post DL12 life. But remember if it is with the wife, she may be slow to come around. Mine is. I say “is” because I think I’m still finding how deep this hole goes, even after 2+ years at this. Maybe it lasts and gets better, maybe it won’t. My prosperity doesn’t depend on it.
All these things are small and incremental. It requires some patience and some distance from your start point to really notice them but for most of us, they are there if you open your eyes. There will be ebbs and flows and setbacks. If the overall progression is in the right direction, even if slowly, then it’s good.
Two plus years, gentlemen. Be mindful of the lag but also be able to recognize if your wife or LTR is unable or unwilling to properly respond to your value when other women are showing interest. That’s the linchpin for when to execute higher levels of your strategy. She only gets first crack at a sex life with you, not unlimited control over it.