I haven't been around. I have had work to do. I found I was spending too much time in my head here. Had to get out...put into practice what I was reading, and find my way.

Sometime ago it just happened. In my job I am able to walk into a room and stop a situation by my presence. I often thought it was because my reputation of not dealing with their bullshit. Maybe that’s how it started. I don't know. However it started however it happened I can walk into a room of convicts and shit stops. I am often called in to be present when they book a high risk inmate or taking one out.

Then I began to notice it at home. I come home. I can hear the chaos outside. I used to get stirred up. Emotions broiling. Anger set in. I would be pissed, exhausted, I just stopped an inmate from curb stomping the booking officer and now I come home to this?

Now? It’s nothing. I am the same at work as I am at home. Calm. In control...just another day. I walk in. The kids stop smiles appear, high fives, I ask what they’ve done and set them to tasks that weren’t or still need to be done. They run off eager to get shit done. My boys have been getting the red pill vibe of late.

The wife…well…things progress but there are more smiles when I come home. She's picking up things have changed, but she's going the wrong direction. She doesn't want to loose her control. Shit tests are fun. I can see them coming now. There is just a demeanor about her that changes and I can tell it's coming.

She’s still lazy as fuck. Though she is remarking that I work hard and will eagerly say she’ll do this or that….then all too often doesn’t. I have noticed that she is very eager for me to take a break, rest, or just do nothing. This is an odd shit test if it is one. I may sit for a minute but it's to regroup my thoughts on the next batch of tasks. Then off I go.

I actually find I enjoy when people remark at how busy I am then wonder when I relax. Frankly I feel the opposite. There is always an excursion on the weekend I take the family on (this last weekend was a trip up north 4 hours away)...one day or two. Yeah yeah...I got a ton of shit for not going to Disney. Mainly I didn't explain myself well here. Any case, I have trips planned out. All within budget and ones that can accommodate her changing school and work schedule.

Overall though I just keep moving. I really feel like I have more time then others. When really I am in control of it. That's the key see? You have to just do it. Time is time. It never changes it's always constant and present. Some people whine that time flies by but really it's because they don't do shit and then wonder where it went. But if you master yourself, you end up controlling time.

jobs don't take that long if you just do it. Just buckle down and get them done. Far too many people want to hang on to every moment. I digress....

Sex...not much change on this front. Quality and quantity are still not where I want it. She is truly embedded into this low libido thing. It will take work....lots of it. Her general attitude is different, not positive yet but it's shifting....to where I am not completely sure. She has pulled back...remarks about the change she sees in me. She's on the edge I recognize that.

She still has her anger outbursts...she still gets left behind at home if she pulls one. Two weeks ago had to do this. Once again some outburst while we are leaving to go out to breakfast....left her at home, me and the boys continued on.

Career is taking off actually. I went to a conference a few weeks ago, meet a well known person in my field and struck up a conversation with him. we discussed training methods and tactics for a good long while. Turns out...he wants to author a book with me on my ideas. I would have never done this before. I would have been content to stay in my little pond. Now I am not satisfied. I want more.

In addition to training and running the county jail extraction team I am also on the county SWAT training team for close in situations.....the nice term for hand to hand. I have also been requested to teach a couple of classes at other county jails.

Life is pretty fucking amazing I tell you.

A quote from Seneca keeps rolling in my mind.

Very little is needed to make a happy life. It's all within yourself. In your way of thinking.

Keep on, brothers.