~ archived since 2018 ~

The Mindset...of a Man Who Fucks

January 22, 2021

I wanted to add a few things to Horn's post that I think warrants a separate discussion.


Being a man who fucks

Are you a man who fucks? What does that mean? Not the "who fucks" part, but the "being a man who" part. (What blarg? That doesnt even make sense). I'm going to bring up a post about perceived identity that a guy I know really well wrote about a long time ago.. The main message at the end of that rambling post (man that guy can really ramble huh?) was that you craft your own identity. And the identity you have to others is that which you choose to display to others. Not only is that identity your choice, but it is also malleable.


But recently I've noticed some things within myself that relate to this topic. And one of those things is my identity as I see it, as opposed to how others see it. And what that means and how it relates to my decisions in life. See, when I think about myself, I can describe myself as a guy who's "woke", as a lifter, as a father, etc. And the reason I can do that is because those are the things that I consistently do and which are important to me. Just like Billy the gamer in the referenced post is a guy who games.

But something happens when I find myself in a spot where I havent consistently done those things. For example I'm an avid climber. I've been going indoor climbing with friends almost weekly for about a decade. But there are times where situations come up, or friends arent available, where I havent climbed in a few weeks. When this happens, I find an intense anxiety within me that starts driving me to go climbing RIGHT NOW, with or without friends, regardless of logistics, or (most importantly) IF I EVEN WANT TO GO CLIMBING RIGHT NOW OR NOT.


And upon noticing this, I've learned that that feeling that's driving me to go climbing is my own ego protection of my identity as a climber. A climber is a guy who climbs on the regular. Billy the gamer is a gamer because he games on the regular. So if I havent climbed in weeks, can I say that I'm a climber? Well that starts getting called into question now doesnt it?


Are you a man who fucks? I've said it before in OYS that an important part of removing the validation seeking behavior between you and sex with your wife is to ask yourself when you have the idea to go have sex with her: "Do I even want to have sex with her right now? Or is this just for validation?" In the same vein then, you must ask yourself: "Do I want to have sex with her, or am I just trying to protect my identity to myself as being a guy who fucks?"

And yes, honestly I've been a victim of this too. I'll have gone 5 -7 days without having sex with my wife and I'll start to get a feeling. And I'll say to myself "Hmm, I havent fucked her in awhile. I should go fuck her." But then I catch myself and ask "Wait a I want to fuck her right now? Or is this feeling coming from a place of SELF validation that has convinced me if I dont go fuck my wife right now that I'm NOT A GUY WHO FUCKS."


The lesson here is this: Take these examples I've given and see where they apply in every facet of your life. Self identity is so important that it can be classified as one of our basic needs along with food, shelter, and sex. Get a hold of your own mind and ask yourself when you feel the urge to do something: Is this urge natural? Is it really who I am? Is it what I want to do? Or is it coming from a place of neediness, of validation, to others, OR MYSELF, that satisfies a covert contract that unless I do what I'm being pulled to do, then I am not who I thought I was. This is a thin hair and potential dynamite to those who are using Fake It Til You Make It to try and be someone who they arent currently. The point isnt to NOT do things if they ARENT who you are...the point is whether or not you ARE doing things for the sole purpose of validating to yourself that you ARE who you are.


She will withdrawal emotionally, you will withdrawal physically - and a stale mate will set in until you are willing to act on that desire.

Horns accurately is describing the point here concerning you withdrawing yourself from your woman as a result of a decrease in attraction due to you not valuing the validation she gave you before. The point here is trying to teach you to act on the true desire to fuck her when you want to. But there is a situation a marriage can get into, especially a "comfortable" marriage when a beta is trying to change himself and the dynamic in his marriage to one where his woman genuinely desires him, that involves this stalemate EVEN IF you change yourself and start fucking from true desire. And that stalemate comes from the fact that your wife still doesnt have a desire to fuck you. (In other words you've changed yourself into a man who initiates from true desire...but that doesnt mean she will desire to fuck you.)


What do then? The main thing to remember here is that you dont control her. However she decides to respond to your initiations (with desire, or compliance, or not at all) is her choice. However, if you notice, the stalemate is one in which you withdraw physically, and she withdraws emotionally. Her withdraw emotionally is IN RESPONSE TO you withdrawing physically. This is done in order to keep a leg up on you in the power dynamic, and coerce you back into giving physically.

To reiterate...the situation started with her in control of the power dynamic: She is fulfilled in marriage enough to be "comfortable" and you are in a state of discomfort because you arent getting your sexual needs met. In response to you withdrawing physically, she will withdraw emotionally which happens to KEEP the power dynamic in her favor. This doesnt necessarily mean she's doing it on purpose, IE: "Oh he thinks he's going to stop touching me? Well I'll turn into a cold bitch. That'll show him." She could simply be reacting to your withdraw from a state of discomfort IE: "He's not touching me as much as before...I'm worried about what this I'll become more reserved emotionally to protect myself." Either way the result is now you going from one discomfort (lack of sex) to two (lack of sex and emotion), while she only experiences one (lack of you physically).


The lesson here is this: Changes dont happen in a vaccuum. And changes dont happen unless there's a drive to change. This is why talking some of the time doesnt work. It is good to have a line of communication to ensure that needs arent being ignored merely due to the other party not knowing...but if the other party is fully aware of the dynamic, and are not under pressure to change it, most of the time they wont. When guys get into this situation, they will feel that they are still at a loss due to being MORE uncomfortable, and thus resolve the situation by going back to their wife and showing physical presence and affection again.

The problem is, this simply puts the old dynamic back in place. This is another lit stick of dynamite because guys may think that the key to changing her is to make her more uncomfortable. And then write a covert contract that because they change...she is then supposed to. That's not true, remember I said you dont control her. Threading the needle here, and bringing Horn's lesson back into it, is to initiate from a place of YOUR true desire, but understand that this doesnt mean she will change. And that changing the dynamic by removing yourself isnt done for the purpose of changing the dynamic, it's done because your time and attention is better spent elsewhere. If she so chooses to then change because she's uncomfortable with the new dynamic...awesome. But to you, you're just doing what you're doing for the next best dynamic within your control.


Your woman can smell when you fuck your hand instead of her and it just reaffirms you're a beta male that can't get laid and refuses to power through that masculine energy and drive.

This isnt figurative. This is literal. They can literally smell it. And so can you. They dont know it. This is something that happens subconsciously. But smell is absolutely a driver in social-sexual dynamics. Examples:


  • I was out at a bar after co-ed sports one time. A woman we were playing flip cup with went into near euphoria and declared "Someone in this room smells so freaking good right now." It's been proven that women's preference in sexual partners peaks during ovulation (T shirt test). I thought to myself right then "Yep, she's ovulating".

  • Just the other day I was playing sports and some guy brought his wife/gf along. She passed by me and smelled like the perfume an ex of mine wore a decade and a half ago. I recognized it instantly.

  • There have been numerous studies involving mice where a female mouse being in the presence of a fertile male's urine causes her to go into ovulation. A male mouse being in the presence of a dominant male mouse's urine causes him to be submissive. And male dogs will absolute start frothing at the mouth when smelling the presence of a female dog in heat's urine.


The lesson here is this: You ARE giving off cues undetectable to either of your senses when you do this things you do...EVEN things you do out of the presence of other people. We've been biologically programmed to pick up on this. So dont think for a second that "because no one sees me do it, they'll never know".


Slow....the fuck....down

Finally I want to throw out a concept that ties into initiating with purpose and dominance that also seems to permeate multiple aspects of life. I know the context of lessons learned from a mind-altered state present themselves as some kind of LARPing enlightenment...but let this land for a second and I'm sure you'll see how it rings so true in many facets of life. There are mutliple lessons I've brought back from trips I've taken, each one being different. But the one lesson that stays the same each and every time is to SLOW...the FUCK...DOWN.


A story first: How often when eating do you just shove the food into your mouth, chew it up, and get it down in an effort to get the next delicious bite in? How often do you savor it, roll it around in your mouth, and enjoy the sensations you're experiencing? On one of my trips i had a small bowl of dirt cake. I was sitting with family playing board games and after awhile one of my relatives looked at my and said: "Blarg, it's been an hour and a half, are you going to finish that bowl of dirt cake ever?"

I was slowly savoring each and every bite. The texture of the cookies. The taste of the pudding. The freaking metalic feeling of the spoon. All these things I usually ignore when getting a snack at night, choosing instead to polish it off in less than 10 minutes.


The cause here is absolutely dopamine related. It's a short-term drive to get as much pleasure as you can, as quickly as you can, ignoring all else. And it's not unique to food. Think about the last few times you've had sex with your wife. What was the order of events? Did you game her for the day? Did you touch her and then withdraw? Did you kiss her slowly, savoring the taste of her lips, paying attention to every curve of her body? Or did you quickly ask for a fuck, run to the bedroom and drop clothes, and fuck her?


As men we get our fix from finishing a task. But women get a lot of pleasure from what happens IN the task. So when you initiate as fast as possible, get her naked as fast as possible, and fuck her as fast as possible, you get your fix. But she feels empty. There's no Emotion. There's no Immersion. Dominance and Variety are a man's main spices. But Emotion and Immersion are a woman's. That's not to say she doesnt enjoy dominance and variety and just getting taken sometimes. But the difference here is those things contribute to the emotion and immersion of the situation by their very nature.


The lesson here is this: When you SLOW DOWN and attempt to enjoy every piece of the game from initiation to post-sex cuddling, you allow her to also savor and enjoy what's going on. But even more importantly...when you slow down you REMOVE the ego-protection that is the lack of time to be AFRAID of what's going on, because you're forcing you and her to experience it.

You know how when you're nervous in a situation, such as having to make a presentation at work, and you find yourself speaking quickly, flailing limbs frantically, and generally wishing it was all "just over"? That's the feeling you're unconsciously trying to get rid of when you go fast. You're trying to move fast enough to not allow the universe to inject any negative feeling or reality into your situation. But in doing so, you also not allowing the universe to let you (or her) feel any positive feeling or reality into your situation. Bathe in that chaos. Allow the potential of both good and bad in the situation to wash over you. And accept who you are, who she is, and what's going on in it's fullest sense.

TheRedArchive is an archive of Red Pill content, including various subreddits and blogs. This post has been archived from the subreddit /r/MarriedRedPill.

/r/MarriedRedPill archive

Download the post

Want to save the post for offline use on your device? Choose one of the download options below:

Post Information
Title The Mindset...of a Man Who Fucks
Author Blarg_Risen
Upvotes 128
Comments 34
Date January 22, 2021 5:23 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/MarriedRedPill
Archive Link
Original Link
Red Pill terms in post
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2023. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter