Welcome
If you are here, there is a good chance that you are in a Paradoxical Marriage.
The paradox here is that you are in a relationship where you believed you would be respected and sexually desired by your partner. You expected these things and they aren't happening.
You may simply be curious and wish to improve something that seems to be slipping away from you.
You may be frustrated, you may be angry, you may resent your wife, You may be numb and you feel the only way out is to leave her because it's gotta be easier not being married.
And maybe you're right. But Marriage 2.0 can be a treacherous path for some people and, honestly, you do want to be married to your wife but she seems to be far-and-away a different person than you married.
But what if I told you she wasn't different than back then and isn't even different now; what if I told you you that you are different and she is only changing to fit that container you've created.
And what if she could be the feminine and submissive woman you married who respects you and sexually desires you?
MRP vs. TRP
TRP, AKA, the "main sub" Is what we (MRP) were born of. Because of this, TRP is required lurking (at the very least) in order to fully round out MRP. However, even though we are of TRP we aren't fully TRP. There is a small schism between us.
The biggest difference between MRP and TRP is that MRP is trying to preserve marriages whereas TRP is trying to eschew them completely. TRP understands our positions and realizes that the small percentage of the TRP community has made a bad choice (marriage) in the past, but recognizes that they see RP as a usable solution to getting the most out of that situation. They know the dangers of Marriage 2.0 and that is why TRP eschews marriage as an option, completely.
MRP, however, largely knows that getting married was a dumb idea, generally, most of us would say, if I could get in my DeLorean and go back in time, I'd intercept and kidnap my younger self, pose as him on the altar, ignore the queries about why I look older but am in such great shape, and tell my future wife, "I don't want to get married."
But we do not long for ideal situations and we accept what cannot be changed.
The Possibly Inevitable
Divorce is coming, are you prepared?
In MRP we accept that divorce is a possibility and by internalizing RP semantics, practices, and mentality, we also internalize our new divorce-as-an-option marriage. This line of thinking keeps us from getting complacent and reminds us that we are beholden to no one but ourselves.
Your wife nags you, she insults you, she treats you like garbage. She certainly isn't willing to have sex with you, and when she trickles it, you realize that if this is how marriage is supposed to be, it would be better to simply have a Real Doll... because at least she has sex anyway you want and a Real Doll never complains.
A Real Doll isn't a realistic option and besides, they cost $6000.00. Your only option seems to be to go nuclear -to divorce. You do some math and see a lawyer. You prepare for divorce. You realize that while you may take a financial hit it will never be as bad as how unhappy you are right now.
After the logistics make sense and you feel you have a handle on the act of actually getting divorced, you start to wonder about yourself post-divorce:
- I haven't dated anyone in a long time...
- I haven't had sex with another woman (and my wife) in a long time...
- I don't know the first thing about living on my own...
- How can someone my age be single again...
- I don't think I could afford a place to live AND the funds necessary to carry on with women...
You will begin to realize that the single life may not be the lush, dewey meadow you envisioned from your sandy desert hell-scape.
You may even come to the conclusion: If I can't be good enough to be married... how the fuck am I going to be good enough to get sex from younger, hotter women?
Time for Improvement
The fact is that you aren't good enough.
If you divorced right now you would find that by this weekend it would be easier to attract a woman that isn't your wife. She doesn't know you so your confidence with her may be higher and to her you are new and unknown. She sees this as a mystery that needs to be unraveled.
The problem is that the other woman doesn't know you but will eventually and then you will be left the same situation you have now: The woman you are having sex with realizes you're nothing special and she will stop having sex with you. You could continue this over and over and if you are content having promiscuous sex with many women then this is an ideal situation.
However, if you are content having promiscuous sex with many women while realizing every time that you are a man that no one actually wants to be around, then you need improvement and this is fine.
Improvement means you haven't settled and you haven't gotten complacent. Anyone that says they are perfect is lying to themselves and anyone who tells you you are perfect just the way you are is doing a disservice and may be trying to sabotage you from improving because it threatens them.
Has your wife told you this before? We'd bet it happened near the beginning... so you didn't change or try to improve yourself, and now she rewards you with no sex and a shitty attitude for not improving yourself.
Live Like You Are Single... Live For You
Up to this point you have been living your life, in your marriage at her whim and at her leisure. Your time is secondary to "family" (read her) time and having hobbies and doing things alone is "selfish." She may have told you that you don't need to go to the gym because she likes the "dad bod." You may accept that but always wonder, then why don't you fuck me?
This is all because you have been living through her and validating through her and that is garbage. She isn't putting forth any effort for your happiness so your job now is to do for you and only you.
MRP will tell you that you need to start improving yourself first and foremost. We will tell you to "Read the Side Bar," specifically the "Course Prerequisites."
- No More Mr. Nice Guy: This book will describe you; you'll think Glover followed you around for a year. This book will show you how to set your own boundaries for what you want and what to expect and that doing these things isn't "mean" but is instead the mark of a man with self-agency.
- When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: This book will describe and help you understand the different psychological methods of control people will use in relationships.
- Married Man Sex-Life Primer: This is usually the book that actually brings guys in because Kay makes two or three references to "Red Pill." in the book... but nothing in detail. This book will lay out the basics of RP in a soft way and it's actually a MarriedRedPill Primer, more than anything else. this book will explain why you don't need to hang around a wife who is sexually unavailable to you and who treats you like shit. You are your own man and you are allowed to have your own life.
- 12 Levels of Dread: this is a popular post stickied in the wiki: All new guys should be at least dread level 3. Your availability to her is the limitation on how she treats you right now. She won't stop until she respects you and fears your absence. You need to be absent to start that, and dread level 1: building your frame, is the first step to being someone she respects. Don't go past 4 until you have a body capable of getting extramarital female attention AND her attention.
MRP promotes the following tenets to improve one's self:
- Improve our outlook on life: Find happiness in yourself. Hobbies, friends, activities away from home and family that are interesting to you. Join a club or volunteer somewhere. Find like-minded individuals and play. Discover that you are happy when you are alone doing your own thing.
- Improve your body and mind: Read the side bar (beyond the prerequisites) and go to the gym and lift. Building strength is one thing, but MRP advocates for physique that approaches something similar to Hugh Jackman in any X-Men Movie.. Lift for strength to be powerful... but look powerful too. Look like a man who would fit the sexual fantasies of women.
- Improve your appearance: Dress better, smell better, get better hair. Do body grooming if that appeals to you. Look like a man that women will want to get to know.
- Learn to be independent of your wife: Do your own laundry, fold your own clothes, iron your own pants, etc. Do those things your wife slacks on... but do them for yourself. A SAHW should be taking care of the entire house. A working wife should be sharing tasks with you. If she isn't doing her part... do your part.
- Make smart financial decisions: If she controls the household money, it's time to take those reins, especially if you are the sole bread-winner. Start paying the household bills, control spending, and create a saving plan... especially considering that you will need every drop of liquid assets to get through your impending divorce.
The result of this is a man who is physically attractive, powerful, has confidence and is in control of his own happiness and life. These are things women will find attractive in you post-divorce. Women notice you and talk to you and because you haven't felt this way in so long, you talk back and find it's easy to approach and talk to women!
Maybe living single isn't as hard as you thought.
Welcome to the Paradox
Now that you are an independent, attractive, and confident man, women are noticing you in public and sometimes flirting with you. You flirt back and are a generally well-liked playful man. You find that knowing you always have sexual options at your disposal makes your wife seem like every other woman... she is nothing special.
Your wife notices these things too, and while she says passive-aggressive things to deter your actions, she seems to actually pay more attention to you. Those Indicators of Interest you get from other women you are starting to notice from your wife.
She nags you less and smiles more. She talks with you instead of at you. You are starting to notice that she has taken an interest in improving the way she looks. She occasionally throws compliance tests at you to see if you'll back down like you used to, but your new self-validation and confidence allows you to dismiss these and disregard her new nonsense as a waste of your valuable time.
Then you discover something incredible... she wants to have sex with you and not just the usual starfish sex... but true desire to be fucked by her husband. You didn't expect this; you had been preparing to divorce your harpy wife this whole time and discovered that she is pleasant, feminine, submissive, and actually has a sex drive.
You have figured something out: when I live and act like I am single and not locked in a relationship, my relationship improves.
Welcome to The Red Pill.
You have only scratched the surface, but you have confirmed what you know... what you knew all along: something was very wrong in the world -in your marriage- but you didn't know what... only that it should have been different.
For you. now it is.
The Aftermath
You now realize that your wife responded to you when she felt her control of you slip away. The ultimate loss of control for her is a divorce. You shouldn't live as if you are constantly going to divorce you at any slip. However, you do need to live everyday knowing that divorce is always an option. If you live in your marriage under the auspices that you can't ever leave, then she will always have all the power and control over you. If she were to stop having sex, started treating you like shit again and you saw no way out, what is she losing? She can live at any comfort level she sets and you are at the whim of her decisions.
Of course, the truth is, divorce is an option for her too. She can leave at any time if she feels that you living for yourself and being happy without her is intolerable. The fact of the matter is that any person in a relationship who is least invested holds the greatest amount of power. By living with an abundance mentality (remember those women paying attention to you) and having outcome independence for the decisions you make you can secure a position of passive control and by extension, authority and power.
Now What?
So you've discovered that divorce is always on the horizon but that doesn't matter because your ship runs straight and true now -you are a strong Captain again... and the horizon is always moving.
Continue to lurk here, ask questions, and read posts. Study the theory posted in TheRedPill subreddit and see how this applies to your life. You can't just do the things you've read about, you need to internalize these things and know, deep down, that you are the prize that she must deserve to win.
Remember, be happy with your wife not because of of your wife.
In the meantime, get a hobby, build something, and lift!
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