One Friday night several years ago, not long after I first encountered the various Red Pill forums and had been devouring their content, the wife and kids decided they wanted to go to P.F. Chang. The closest P.F. Chang is in an area I used to work in about 15 years before, but I wasn't very familiar with current dining options in the area. But, by chance, about a week before, an old colleague had invited me to lunch at a newly-opened, hip Asian fusion restaurant in the area.
The family and I went to P.F. Chang but upon arrival we discovered that there was an unacceptably long wait. Everybody was starving. I thought of the Asian fusion restaurant nearby that my former colleague had taken me to.
At this point, a set of impulses welled up inside of me: I had the impulse to tell my wife all about how I knew of this other restaurant because my former colleague had taken me there; I had the impulse to describe the restaurant for her in detail--where it is, what kind of food they have, what the decor is like, etc.; I had the impulse to conclude by asking her "So do you want to go there?" The old me would have done so.
But influenced by my recent RP readings, I repressed those impulses. Instead, I had the following exchange with her:
Me: "So you guys are in the mood for Asian fusion, huh?"
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "I know a place. Follow me."
Without even waiting for a reaction, I just started walking towards the car. My wife let out this audible response that I can only describe as an approving quasi-orgasmic cooing sound. I didn't let on that I noticed her reaction, but it actually made quite an impression. This was the first occasion that I actually tried to implement in real life some of the theory I had been reading about. Things had gotten pretty stale and platonic and here she is just melting and cooing based on one small adjustment in my behavior. I remember thinking: "Wow, this is powerful shit." We had a great time.
Lead. Be decisive. Tell, don't ask. Take the burden off of her. Reserve some mystery.
There was no point in telling her I knew of this restaurant because of my former colleague. This would only serve to cause her to think, on a subconscious level, "oh, my husband doesn't know any cool places; his colleague does." By not mentioning it, she marvels: "How does my husband know about this cool place?" "My husband is the kind of guy who knows about new, hip places."
If I had ticked off all of the characteristics of the restaurant, I would not only be implicitly seeking her approval, thereby recognizing her as the true authority figure in the relationship and communicating that my own judgment is not to be trusted, I also would be depriving her of the opportunity to be surprised and delighted. If I vomited out all of the details (A, B, C and D) about the restaurant, one of two things would happen:
(1) She might show up and agree: "yeah, sure enough, A, B, C and D." Not a terrible outcome but not very exciting that, yes, everything was exactly as expected; or
(2) She might show up and think: "yes, A, B and C; but this place isn't D." She feels let down. She feels like I promised something that I didn't deliver. Her opinion of my judgment is diminished.
Instead, tantalized by my confidence and decisiveness, but intrigued by the lack of details, her imagination can percolate. Just putting her in this positive and playful frame of mind increases the likelihood of a positive outcome. And you won't fail to deliver, because you haven't promised anything specific.
One of the reasons that this situation made such an impression on me was because of how utterly mundane it was, and what a minor adjustment I made. Yet, the impact was outsized. Now, any one experience like this, on its own, isn't going to turn everything around for you. But if you start layering experiences like this, one after another, it can have a big impact.
