Way back when I first arrived at MRP, there was a roadmap that a lot of us used contained within the deep links of the sidebar. This was the 12 levels of Dread post by BPP. It was written 7 years ago. A few years after many of us had used this leveled approach to dread within our own MAPs, we began sharing notes about this sexual strategy. It wasn't long before the results were in for the guys who did the work, and we all pretty much realized that it was a giant covert contract. Later, I gave my unedited opinion on what I thought about the 12 levels of dread, yet I did not offer a concrete alternative. Now I am.
There were still retarded dancing monkey's autist posts up until about 3-4 years ago with titles like: "FR: Crossed to Dread Level 9", so most of us vets after making that realization stopped advocating for the covert contract model where you played your wife like leveling up a video game. This was a good example of men sharing notes, and the community here began advocating for a different approach of: You first. Until then nothing will work.
This new approach, for the average nice guy finding this place, IMO is much harder work. It's trying to start with the internal first, then the external. The 12 levels of dread focused mainly on external covert contracts and left much of the internal work out of it, and the guys who seemed to "make it" back then were the ones that were smart enough to read the fucking sidebar and to do that internal work in tandem. So, we began advocating for that approach and over the years it's produced some really smart dudes in MRP.
The problem with the current, new approach is that it produces too many autists who sit around and mentally masturbate to MRPisms and never actually get out there and do things, so you get vets like /u/threekindsoflucky making posts telling you Doing things is better than not doing things, or you'll get /u/RStonePT saying that field reports are important and that if you're not fucking, STFU about leadership. That's why you've seen posts from me, giving dynamite to MRPers, titled FR: Spank your wife.... or Cheat Codes to blow up your sexlife.... This is all to get you dumbfucks out of the sidebar and go TEST those things you've mentally masturbated about, for real.
That's what the 12 levels of Dread kind of started suggesting your do with a covert contract intact around level 7-8. At least guys were doing things. "You can't get to level 9 until you finish level 8 bro and are able to flirt with waitresses in front of your wife to make her jealous." Or things like, "Dude, you can't give her the FMOFY speech yet, you're like on level 4 dread"..... and so, it created this fucking retarded autistic view of the world for men here.
This brings me to a very simplistic view of how these two worlds can work together. What we talk about when we talk about dread by Jack10 is another great resource.
If you're here reading about dread because you want it to be an effective tool in your toolbelt to elicit sexual response from your wife as your endgoal, despite the covert contract there - I'm here to tell you it will work. Will it be effective for you want? I don't know. But you'll have more sex. But for dread to be effective, I'll leave you with a quote by Jack10:
You have to like your wife.
Not love. If I asked if you loved your wife, you'd probably reflexively say "yes." That's not a meaningful question. The more important question is: "Do you like your wife?"
Dread will be effective if your answer is: "She's a great person. She's caring and generous with me and my family. She appreciates and respects me. I just wish I knew why she never wants to fuck me anymore, or why she's so unenthusiastic when she does..."
Dread will not be effective if your answer is: "Well, I.... yes, I think I like her. Although she's kind of a bitch. And she can act really selfish sometimes. I don't like her when she's acting that way. Which I guess is like, half the time. Fuck. She really is goddamn annoying sometimes."
Dread will not be effective in the second scenario because you will probably like watching the hamster in the maze too much.
I'd encourage some of you early in your journeys not to answer that question just yet, but somewhere between the transition from Stage 1 to 2, you should evaluate it.
Retard Beta Dread - Stage 0:
If you can't meet the requirements of Stage 1, you are married to an unhappy rape victim, and this is beta dread. No desire. No passion. Starfish. Denials. You're unattractive. You wouldn't fuck you. But you get fucked by your wife because you are betabucks in some capacity for her lifestyle.
Bad Dread - Stage 1:
You are not yet a man worth inspiring desire from your wife. You look in the mirror and might still have difficulty some weeks saying you'd fuck yourself. Anything you do to get sex is usually being a dancing monkey, but then you begin to improve. You are:
- Recognizing and passing shit tests
- MAP identified
- Gym 3-4x week, lifting heavy
- Have read the first 3 books on the sidebar
- Have begun to build a life apart from your wife
- You are busy, and do not have time for a sexually disinterested wife
- Dress, groom and hygiene is good
- STFU regularly, but still fail sometimes
This level of dread is the beginning stages of what is good dread. Most men go through this. This is the "If I don't fuck him I might get fucked" stage of dread because your woman is starting to see you barely show real improvement. This is the stage of dread that you often see hysterical bonding, and then quickly a withdrawal from her emotionally into a stalemate of silent anger and you will have no idea why after such enthusiastic, slutty and perhaps passionate sex that was enjoyable by both of you to a fair degree.
The reason for this withdrawal of your woman is because she is internally having a FMOFY speech each time she fucks you. Weirdly enough, this thought process turns women ON. They start to feel like submissive women, and start to do the things that those kind of women do, because it makes her sort of wet. But not in a good way thinking about you.
This kind of dread effect is only temporary because it is not authentic and genuine desire of you. Your wife is fucking to survive. Deep down, she is an unhappy rape victim. Guess what? She's felt like this before you found MRP, and those feelings inside of your wife return. She recognizes them. Those are bad feelz. They're bad because she realizes that the temporary desire she felt and was acting on was.... fake. It was a novelty feeling between her legs.
You want to know the most depressing feeling a woman can experience? Getting her hopes and feelz all up for some weird reason that she can't understand, butterflies going, and then suddenly she's let down again when she looks through your bullshit to expose a frameless dancing monkey with a giant ego in front of her.
If you want to move past this bad dread stage and into good, that's where the internal work begins. You must take the approach of: You first. Until then nothing will work.
You'll see us say that being not-fat will solve 80% of the problems. It's true.
It's within that place you'll build frame, which is Iron Rule #1. Frame is everything. I think The Oak frame is a good mental model if you need one. You just sit back and build your frame, and if comfort is needed - it's provided within reason. Occasionally you can invite your woman into YOUR world and frame instead of playing around on fucking retarded dread levels that are nothing more than the FMOFY speech to a wet pussy.
Your woman knows you are still in her frame at this stage, which we already established. Men are meant to live in their own masculine frames on their own and to bring polarity and balance to the force of women. This is how you move into stage 2.
Good Dread - Stage 2:
You cannot skip dread stage 1. It's not possible.
Good dread is where most of you will arrive, and likely stay. Some of you will go beyond this because you make a conscious decision to play with the feminine world more often than most.
When your woman fucks you for every reason in stage 1, plus:
- You are capable of talking to cute, pretty and sometimes beautiful women in public
- You've studied pickup artistry enough to understand the signs of women's interest after an opener without going autistic, thus increasing your chances for a positive sexual interaction if you choose, or friendly conversation to improve your game
- You take what you've learned from PUA and applied it to your wife to be fun
- You're not boring
- You never get butthurt when sexually rejected
- You have shown through congruent behavior that you are a sexual, masculine man.
In this stage you are capable of getting your sexual or other needs met. You may struggle with the question internally if you're willing to fuck other women outside your marriage, but since you are a man of action at this point who has learned to act on his needs, the feeling of capable vs. willing to your wife makes no difference. She knows you're a sexual man.
The feelz this stage generates in women is that you've shown through congruent sustained action that you are a who fucks - and it's very clear that's what a woman is dealing with if she's with you. That makes you sexually masculine by default. That is attractive. It elicits within your woman the competition of hypergamy, because if she ain't doing the fucking, who is?
Good Dread + Passive Dread - Stage 3:
It's not often that men here at MRP arrive at this level of dread, not because it's hard, but because it actually takes time and they're long gone. Time to mature in your own frame which takes years, and also your time to dedicate to your new hobby: enjoying all parts of the feminine. Not just the sex. But mostly sex. You want to play with and manipulate the matrix surrounding the feminine.
This is where good dread is combined with everyday passive dread. At this stage
- AskMRP can't help you, and you know why
- In addition to being a man who fucks, you do not seek validation in sex
- You have been in the gym for at least 6-12 months, minimum, and look like you're in the best shape of your life (the "used to be alpha" 20yo version of yourself included)
- There is an understanding that you're capable and willing if necessary to fuck other women if your needs aren't met, because you are a man who fucks
- You are attractive. You are not being unattractive.
- You've read the entire sidebar a couple of times and have read and listened equally as many books you've discovered on your own
- You have a level of DNGAF that is palpable
- You provide comfort when necessary without judgement
- You are a leader, and have demonstrated leadership and discipline over time with your self first, and your wife/family.
- You've thrown out the scoreboard
- You are dominant over most all areas of your life
It is in this stage that you've congruently been showing your value. Your wife is losing SMV as she ages, you are gaining. It is at this point that you likely look at your wife who is at least a full 2 points lower in SMV than you and ask
- "Why am I with her?"
- "Do I like her?"
- "Do I even want her?"
And let's say that you decide that you love her, you like her, and you do want her - a woman who you will forever outpace in the SMV scale as you lead to new things. Then you start to question:
- "What value does she really add other than sex, and is that congruent with my vision?"
- "How can I lead my wife to add value on my vision?"
There are a myriad of other legitimate and deep questions you'll ponder, and you'll understand that each day you choose this woman for yourself. It's within those deep recesses that your woman will feel through you - and sense this decision you make - and sense that you choose her, likely forsaking all others.... yet knowing she is the woman that will add the most value to your life.
In that decision you make each day and a high value man - you are validating that woman is high enough value to be with you. And you're fucking awesome, aren't you? When you choose your woman, she wins the game of hypergamy set in Stage 2. This is how you eventually, unconsciously, and passively dread so that your woman's greatest source of validation is realized: being selected by a high value man over and over.
It's in these upper levels and stages of dread that things become quite nuanced for each man, and it's all based on what we think will add value to our vision. By this point you've selected good enough clay to work with to mold into what you want, and the endgame possibilities are endless.
It's within this stage of dread that the best sex of my life has occurred. Not because she's an HB10 and can suck a golf ball through a garden hose, but because everyday that I authentically choose my wife - she feels that authenticity - and that makes her want to find more and more ways to add value. No woman I've ever slept with has been so in tune to my sexual needs and desire than my wife, because she wants to. It brings my woman joy to please the man that chooses her. He's fun. He's exciting. He's sexually imaginative. He's the Oak. He's masculine most everything he does. He is authentic. He chooses her.
Yet, You are the prize. And sometimes, you just need to let her win.