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Two Years MRP: Sharing notes on the Big Picture.

December 18, 2017

It's been two years, almost to the day, since I first joined this magical place we call Married Redpill. I came in a skinny-fat, plugged-in guy, sort of a pussy and without much of an idea of what I wanted out of life, doing things like asking men here if I was being OI enough after another sexual rejection in my first ever post. I wasn't even at Dread Level Zero (don't be a pussy). I knew just enough to know things weren't right with my marriage and I wasn't happy with certain aspects. Are they perfect now? Absolutely not, but I'm still working my MAP, still tweaking my strategy and weighing the pros/cons of how far to go up those 12 levels of dread to fully center my mental point of origin. Are things better? Yes, they are greatly improved. I found this place like many others... fucking Googling some sorry-ass shit to the effect of, "why does my wife never want to have sex?" one night after my wife and I had yet another fight about sex and after she told me that she, "Just never gets horny, I don't know..." Ouch... that one hurt and was really the catalyst that made me want to find an answer to why... then to fix it, or get out. Little did I understand at the time these were just her words and I should mostly be paying attention to her actions (which at the time, were saying the same thing). It was my "Neo moment." Remember, men have to actually want to be unplugged. At first, I didn't realize that it wasn't just my marriage. I was also unsatisfied with myself. I didn't even realize I wasn't happy with myself. That took some extra introspection to come to the surface.

Where I've gone

Fast forward two years and things are different. I’m bigger (more muscular), stronger, assertive and happier. I continue to make small course corrections and adjustments for myself and to my strategy. Sex frequency and quality is improved but still not fully where I'd like. But I'm not done tweaking my strategy either and I know my wife... she's stubborn and slow to respond to environmental changes and if I’m being honest, has tendencies that make me think she has some self esteem and anxiety problems (Practical Guide to Female Psychology). I will help her to the degree I can by being the Oak, but to a large degree realize these devils are hers to conquer. I still make mistakes.

Did my wife turn into a full on nympho? Nope, not yet, but I've opened doors in that department that were not open before. I also have accepted that she may not have “full on nympho” inside her, but progress with sex is still being made. A few weeks ago while we were fucking she actually grabbed my wrist and put my hand up around her neck area. She's still not a full-fledged refined sex kitten, but that only makes me look inward and ask what I could be doing better to bring that out. Like lifting, your gains in your MRP strategy will slow the longer you’re here. My one year post

Sharing Notes

I've had a few incomplete drafts of post ideas kicking around on my Evernote app for a while. I figured now would be a good time to share that mishmash of notes I have. Men sharing notes on sexual strategy and mission and yes, maybe a little self masturb.... I mean improvement.

These are mainly summaries of these key ideas and actions I've taken that were important to my plan. Maybe it's important to you, maybe not. These are just my notes on my own experiences and strategy. You can discount, adopt, tweak, mock... doesn’t matter to me. Every man here has a different road.

You can't optimize your strategy without stirring the pot

Don't just read the sidebar, stand up for yourself a little more and expect your life to turn around, and more specifically, your wife to start fucking you with abandon. It doesn't work that way. If you're here, chances are your life is in need of some fundamental, base-level changes. Call it self improvement (sorry, Stone), call it SMV growth, call it whatever. Mostly this is basic "adulting" and being a successful human. This shouldn't even really have to be taught here but it is. After all we have a whole “sphere” to teach men how to be men which shouldn’t be necessary but is. Dread Level Zero is "Don't be a Pussy." Have you stopped being a pussy? Good. In addition to that, a fundamental, ground-level re-thinking of your sexual strategy at large is probably in order, but that can't happen until you're a functioning, competent, assertive man. Remember, MRP is Redpill on hard mode, we need sexual strategy even more than the single guy. Stir the pot. This means changing behaviors, expectations (your own) and goals;

Change how you prioritize your time. Be a little more selfish and start setting goals YOU want and enjoy activities YOU like. Do them by yourself or do them with your family when it makes sense, but DOthem.

Change how you view your needs and desires Don't be afraid to make them known. Don't be shamed for these needs, especially sexual needs.

Change how readily you give up your time and attention, not only to your wife but to anyone in your life.

The first couple times I went out on my own at night after being turned down I got texts wondering what I was doing, little meme's telling me she loves me (even though she couldn't be bothered to put down her smart phone and fuck me 10 minutes earlier) and stuff like that. I'd go practice with the band, go for a walk, hit a local bar to watch open mic night, go to café to read or go for a run or bike ride if it's still light out. I'd NEVER ask. I'd just do. Slowly it just became my normal operating mode and she became less inquisitive of my activity. Don't ever suggest with your demeanor or words that your wife has any say in how you choose to spend your time (Remember Dread level Zero?). Take care of your home duties and childcare, be an adult, but beyond that, you answer only to you.

The other way you should eventually be stirring the pot is refusing shit sexual effort. I've aborted everywhere from my initiation to actually being balls deep inside. If I'm not getting a satisfactory level of investment from her, I'm out (literally). The first few times I did this she went absolutely hysterical on me. It was a great test in frame. One time it resulted in one of the most passionate "angry sex" sessions we've had as I discovered she was actually DTF that night but for whatever reason thought she didn't have to put in any effort. I crushed that belief by taking my hard-on and walking away. You have to start showing through actions, and occasionally verbally, that you do have standards and you aren't the type of man who will tolerate low effort in the bedroom, or anywhere else for that matter. Not every session is going to be porn-star level, but she should at least be showing a reasonable level of good old fashion passion. Me? I don't need sex-swings, anal, ball-gags and gimp suits to enjoy sex. That's just me. You do you.

If she’s not competing for your time you’re not MRPing right.

This is an idea I stole from /u/GargantuaBlarg29 and want to explore, mostly because it's one thing I'm probably still not doing well enough (as I said, I'm still making course corrections two years in). How available are you making yourself to your wife, or again, anyone in your life? It's ok to be available emotionally and physically, but make sure you aren't giving it away for free and FFS don't smother her with your presence. This does not mean 24/7 or every night of the week you are out "hobbying," hanging with the boys or learning Falconry and how to be a ninja. The balance of “keeping busy and pursuing your mission” is different for every man. HOW you choose to make yourself your mental point of origin is also different for every man. Find that appropriate balance. It takes time. Just a few weeks ago I was telling someone about my day practicing with my band and then going to see a movie with friends. They said, “well, sounds like a day all about you.” I smiled, laughed a little and said, “you bet.”

Being a Good Captain

This is a big one. And it's a concept that gets misinterpreted a lot and has received a lot of attention and debate lately. We could of course delve into what makes a good leader/Captain and why. I'm not looking to do that here, I'm just looking to share my frame of leadership and how I view it. I've found that these two ideas to be key;

  1. Follow your passion, your goals and your interests first. Period. Everything else, including your marriage will follow in the wake you create in that effort to live life for you. Everything... your wife, your kids, your friends, your employees, your dog, etc.

The second thing is more in the weeds but some guys need to hear it...

  1. Know the difference between Strategic vs tactical leadership. I think I stole this from SorcererKing or one of the other original gangsters here but can’t find the post now. The captain of a family should be focused on the strategic issues. I like to think of this in terms of striving to take care of the larger strategic things (finances, house repairs, automotive issues, big vacations, the long-term vision for our family, etc) while she handles the smaller, tactical jobs (getting kids to school, laundry, making dinner, etc). The stress I take off of her by handling the large, strategic issues far outweighs the minuscule benefit, in her eyes, of me cleaning the bathroom. Now, be capable of cleaning, doing dishes or making dinner when necessary but don't lose focus of the larger issues. Be capable of doing ALL of that shit on your own, and make sure she knows you are capable of basic adulting. Make the big decisions. Is your wife babying you? Then you aren't doing this even close to correctly.

A good leader does not get bogged down in minutiae or in micro-managing his First Officer. He has faith in his FO because he's set a good example, has his focus on the long-term, big issues and she has followed his lead. In my case, my wife is already a pretty fiscally and logistically responsible woman but she even overtly communicated to me after I took over the budget that she feels more relaxed if I'm handling the finances from a macro-level. Don’t forget to reinforce and appreciate your wife when she is being a good FO. Me leading and removing the emotional burdens of the "big scary things" allows her to do her part even better. We aren't equal, but complimentary.

”Riding with the Devil” - You can never relax and are never "done."

"So that's all well and good JDRoedell, but where are you with your mission now? Are you happy? Is your dick getting sucked daily?"

Well, much like the fate of the main character at the conclusion of the film "Ride With the Devil," Jake Roedell, (and inspiration for my handle), my mission goes on. Young Jake started out timid, moldable, angry and without much frame. By the end of the film he is battle-hardened, independent and has a mission (get out of Missouri without the Federal troops capturing and surely hanging him). How's that for a specific, action-driving mission statement? This is a highly underrated movie for anyone into historical films, by the way. The movie revolves around the guerrilla warfare happening on the Missouri-Kansas border during the civil war. One of the things I love about this film is it doesn’t have the classic, “good guy defeats bad guy” ending. It essentially ends with a lot of questions and the protagonist’s future being uncertain, just like real life and like MRP. By the end, Jake is by no means a complete man, nor is he without further challenges facing him. It's a good analogy for even some of the more veteran MRP men here.

My point is, this process is never "done." Even if you reach a point where you make the decision that your wife is an impediment, not a compliment, to making yourself your mental point of origin, you still can't let off the gas. Even after a decision like divorce, you are not technically at any kind of real or imagined finish line. /u/FireTempered helped me come to this thought process recently. You are always adjusting, tweaking and finding new ways to pursue your goals and mission. Those devils are always with you.

MeRP on, men.

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Post Information
Title Two Years MRP: Sharing notes on the Big Picture.
Author JDRoedell
Upvotes 102
Comments 34
Date December 18, 2017 3:53 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/MarriedRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/two-years-mrp-sharing-notes-on-the-big-picture.198266
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/7km146/two_years_mrp_sharing_notes_on_the_big_picture/

[–]Rian_StoneHard Core Navy Red11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Refreshing year two brother!

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

First of all, kudos on having the stones to link your first post after coming so far. This above all shows the progress you've made.

Second, jealous that BPP, Arch, and Jackten gave you personalized advice.

Seminal crucial moment - "men have to actually want to be unplugged. At first, I didn't realize that it wasn't just my marriage. I was also unsatisfied with myself. I didn't even realize I wasn't happy with myself. That took some extra introspection to come to the surface."

Your life sucks. What are you going to do about that?

"functioning, competent, assertive man."


Your strategic vs tactical point hit home as well. You need to be able to delegate yet understand that you are ultimately responsible for everything in your life.

Thx for the movie rec.

Never take your foot off the gas... otherwise the shitbirds will pile up behind you and force you into the slow lane.

Great post bud.

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

At the time I didn’t know much about the “big players” and probably didn’t give jack10 or ultimatecads comments enough attention. Now I see Jack’s comment and realize how how lucky I was he wasted the 5 minutes to post that.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMRP MODERATOR3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm currently going through a study of all of his posts - he was one insightful guy. It's taking a long time too due to the review of his comment then the original post.

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So much knowledge and non-ego invested ways of understanding MRP. Gold

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMRP MODERATOR4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Inspiring to see your journey. Like seeing a extended version of how MRP done right can really improve your life.

[–]weakandsensitive4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I liked reading your first post. I know which comment was mine. I know which comment was Stone's. I love that the attitude at MRP hasn't really changed.

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yep, I think I know which comments were yours and a stones. Ultimatecad and Jack10 even chimed in with some worthy nuggets.

It’s cringe worthy for certain, but it’s necessary to read (for me).

[–]redbeaux 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Yeesh, reading through the comments alone, (especially on your first post) was fantastic, let alone the rest of the OP. Glad you're still killin it doc. Saving this one.

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ya, that first one is hard to read for me, or anyone with eyes. The comments are good reminders to stay on track.

[–]wdl20172 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good post

[–]drty_prMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Fuck. I feel like I just wrote this man. So much of this I'm feeling right now. The way you describe your wife is so similar to my own. I'd bet she says she would do quite fine without you, and she believes it too?

The difference between us and say u/innominating or u/InChargeMan is that they started way less behind the curve. They've always been Apex Alphas. They were killing it here in no time. This isn't to say you can't achieve that level of success sexually, but it's gonna take a lot more effort and there are definitely no guarantees.

At the end of the day, you're happy in where you are now. This is everything. Taking comfort in what you've accomplished and taking pleasure in seeing what else you can. As you said, the process is never done. Keep on keeping on and may you someday choke til she tears up...with you dick!

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

At the end of the day, you're happy in where you are now. This is everything. Taking comfort in what you've accomplished and taking pleasure in seeing what else you can.

This is a big part of it, yes.

We all come into it from different places and with different momentum. Some guys just need a little course correction and things are good. Like you say, some aren’t that behind the curve.

Others may essentially be “changing the rules” because their marriage never really was what they wanted it to be and she was never really looking for it to be that way. There are aspects of the old me that I don’t think my wife was happy with (even though she thought she was) and my lack of leadership and confidence hurt the marriage but neither of us realized it was happening. I’m essentially one of these guys who is changing the rules, not finding the alpha that used to be there. At first she didn’t like the change but as time goes on, I think she sees that she’s getting a better deal. The key point is that I realized I wasn’t happy (the neo moment) and decided to do something about it.

She was content marrying a beta, but is slowly learning to enjoy the better, in control, assertive guy.

[–]drty_prMRP APPROVED4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She thought she was content marrying a beta

No women is actually content in a marriage with a beta. They are restless, reckless and full of contempt for their husband. Literally watch a women who has her poor behavior supplicated by her man. She will accept that foot, take a yard and feel she deserves a mile. Every fuckin time.

[–]screechhaterMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Well done.

Kuddos to the man owning “his” life and actually understanding the true undercurrent of MRP


[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks. You’ve been one of the constant sounding boards to keep straight since I’ve been here.

[–]littleblacktruck1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This Kansas Redleg gave you an upvote, sir. Cheers from 6 Mile House.

[–]simbarlionMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

she may not have “full on nympho” inside her

Cool nickname she has for you there haha

Thanks for sharing. Nice and realistic.

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I see what you did there. Nice

[–]thunderbeyond1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

A post that I will read and re-read over holidays. Thanks.

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Have a merry Christmas brother.

[–]magenta_pill1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This was helpful to a new guy. Extremely. Thanks, super helpful to hear this stuff. 6 months in, I'm still trying to make it through all the reading. How you SOBs get through Dieda, NMMNG, WISNIFG and the stoics as quickly as you do is beyond me. ;)

I still don't know, what the hell is DEERing? My google-fu is also weak apparently.

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Defend, explain, excuse, rationalize. All things you shouldn’t be doing if your frame is solid and your mental point of origin is you.

[–]hystericalbonding1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I still don't know, what the hell is DEERing? My google-fu is also weak apparently.

It's JADE from al-anon.

Most of the stuff you read about it reeks of the victim mentality, so I think MRP is better off with the elusive DEER.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Hows the journey? Is it becoming more second nature? Are you having fun?

From your original post: She thinks I'm mad.

I find this thought lingers, and I'm having to teach her how to adult by saying stuff like "look, if you don't want to go out with me tonight tell me, I'm not mad." And then i go out anyway and have fun.

How has your wife come along in this process?

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yes, it’s all mostly second nature which is nice. Frees up brain power for other more important stuff.

l’m having to teach her how to adult by saying stuff like "look, if you don't want to go out with me tonight tell me, I'm not mad."

I feel like I just said something similar to my wife recently. I also give less fucks when she is mad because she perceives some decision or action I make isn’t in line with her opinion. And guess what? She is usually over it pretty quick.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Awesome. Life's so much easier with this shit isn't it? Keep on keeping on.

[–]PersaeusMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

you really nailed the key points with "stirring the pot" - take risk for what you want and don't be afraid to make her mad and

If she’s not competing for your time you’re not MRPing right

as you know this has been my main problem; but the affair disclosure appears to have brought her back into the game. which just gets back to your first punch line about stirring the pot. just keep polarizing until a decision point is reached.

They said, “well, sounds like a day all about you.” I smiled, laughed a little and said, “you bet.”

crabs in a bucket abound.

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yep, you know this all too well.

[–]deplorable-bastard1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This was a great post, well written and really hit home for me. Thanks for sharing!

[–]Nec_sorte_Nec_fato1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Very good write up man, thanks for taking the time to collect your thoughts and put them out there.

You can't optimize your strategy without stirring the pot

That's the damn truth. I love the feeling of telling her whatever without fear of her reaction. She has no power over me.

Change how you prioritize your time.

When the wife calls you selfish, you know you're doing it right.

If she’s not competing for your time you’re not MRPing right.

That's been the game changer for me lately. My wife actually likes and loves me, but had gotten so complacent by my needy pandering to her she forgot she needed to fuck me. Once I seriously started withdrawing my time and attention was when she finally took notice.

Being a Good Captain

Strategic vs. tactical is an EXCELLENT way to describe this. Just recently I talked with wife again about the Captain FO dynamic and it was kinda lost on her (maybe I didn't deliver it properly). Next time I'll approach it from your angle.

My point is, this process is never "done."

I'm coming to realize that in so many areas of life. I used to think that if I could just save up this much money I would be set and could stop. Does. Not. Work. That. Way.

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Glad you got some value from it.

One thing, don’t talk to her about the captain FO dynamic. They don’t want to hear that shit, they just want you to get it. And she’ll more than likely say she doesn’t want that... modern feminism is powerful. Don’t fight it head on, only way to counter that is guerrilla tactics. Actions, not words. Words are the woman’s field of battle. We’ll lose 8/10 times.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I read your first year post and this one. Are you married to my wife simultaneously??? Holy hell! She sounds exactly like mine. All previous GFs had no problem with being horny and following me around like I was the prize, but I married a very strong-willed woman who framed me right from the start.

I’ve been on MRP for two weeks, but had already started aspects of the MAP before even knowing about it. (Lifting, MMA, wardrobe upgrade).

I tried being an Oak, passing shit tests, doing my own thing without asking her, throwing out clutter in the house, and she went bat shit crazy. After 12 hours of standing my ground one day, she gave in and I had the most passionate sex I have not experienced in a long time....twice! She apologized for being “mean”.

However, the next day she started her shit again. It will take a while to recondition her....and myself

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The devils are always with you. Keep at it for now, report in OYS and just keep reading posts here.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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