Recently, I’ve been dealing with a lack of motivation.
Others have pointed it out in OYS threads - I’ll notice a problem, resolve to fix it, and have the same problem re-emerge.
Strangely, these are all problems I thought I’d “solved”; habits and systems I’d already established and built out. I’ve been scratching my head about it for months.
What happened to my motivation?
A couple weeks ago, it occurred to me that a huge driving force for my self improvement has been resentment. I don’t just want to get better - I want revenge. I want to reverse the power dynamic in my marriage. I don’t just want my wife to suck my dick; I want her on her knees.
I’m not saying this is good; it’s not something I consciously decided. It’s just there, deep in my subconscious.
The sudden drop off in my motivation correlates with actual IMPROVEMENT in my marriage. Things got a bit better (though not as good as they could be), and suddenly the anger that underlay so much of my motivation decreased. Less angry, less resentful, less motivated.
I KNOW this is a problem. I’m 100% sure /u/man_in_the_world will come here and talk about internal vs. external validation, because we’ve had that conversation before and he was right then, too.
But so far in my life the only thing has worked to change my deep, underlying beliefs has been hard work and time. I’ve never seen a short cut to accessing your deep narratives that actually worked.
So I’d love some personal stories that I could absorb. What happened when you transitioned from anger to whatever came next? What keeps you motivated? What was your journey like?
And I swear to god if anyone talks about stoicism in here I will kick your ass. Tim Ferris roman statue bullshit.
PS OH, I forgot to add. The corollary here - I worked on getting myself pissed off and crushed at the gym where I’d struggled previously. So anger clearly works as a motivator, but I feel like my odds of a sudden stroke increase at the same time. Doesn’t feel sustainable.