Inevitably in every book I read and podcast I listen to about marriage, red pill, and social dynamics, I come to an 'ah-ha' moment where a deeply rooted personal belief about how the world really works is uprooted, and replaced with a much more logical, intuitive, and time-proven idea. Early on, thanks to WISNIFG, I learned that I was the judge of myself. The search for approval that we grow to learn from parents; which is then transferred throughout life to teachers, women, professors, early bosses, and our wives was a search in vain. And the search often leaves us wondering: "Why do I have to perform for everyone else, but no one seems to look to me or care about my approval?" But once we learn that we are the judge of ourselves, it feels as though chains holding us down are broken, and we can begin the search to fulfill our inner drive and desire.

 

You Make the Story

 

But there's more to it than that, I've learned, as I read through some PUA material. Take the example of a guy walking up to a girl at a bar. It can be a completely nerve-wracking experience depending on your level of inner game. All the doubt, all the thoughts of failure in the past, inadequacies. Suddenly your hamster breaks free and you forget you are the judge of you. This is why it's often said when you see a girl you like, you need to initiate immediately before those thoughts can cloud your mind.

But if we look at the big picture for a second, and take her perspective, that girl doesn't see anything but a guy walking up to her. She is not privy to your thoughts, nor your past attempts. To her you are a completely blank slate. And this idea I find more powerful than any other tool you can use when solidifying that inner game. You are not only your own judge. You are your own plaintiff. You are the person who makes the case for you. Over time, you will unravel some of your story to this person, if they care to be a part of it. And truth (or untruth) be told, you can tell whatever story you want to tell.

I was once out at a bar about a year ago with a group after a co-ed volleyball game. We were playing flip-cup and a guy there was the social alpha. Seemed to be leading everyone in the fun. And women wanting to get to know this guy more asked what he did for a living. He said he was a trash man (you know, the guy who picks up your trash). A little time passed and I turn to him and say, "Trash man huh?". He says: "You know I'm not really a trash man, I'm a bar tender. I just like to say fun stuff like that to see what happens." This man just completely lied, but 1) Who cares? and 2) who's going to question him? You are your own plaintiff. You can tell your own story. And people have no reason to do anything but accept it.

 

People Will Accept It

 

There's a reason everyone operates in this reactive kind of mode. It's how we actually learned most of what we know today throughout childhood and adolescence. We grew up copying and accepting what other people thought and did; and often had no reason to believe otherwise until we were exposed to counter-opinions. It's how cults form, it's how religion propagates, it's how societal norms like marriage, monogamy, morals, hell traffic laws and tipping culture are learned. And so everyone's first reaction to new information is to accept it until proven differently.

Does this sound familiar? Back in my beta days in high school and college I was absolutely CONVINCED that everyone else in society was in on some big secret about how to socialize, how to live, and what to believe. Like it was all some big secret that I just had to figure out. The big secret is this: No one knows any of this shit. Everyone puts reality through their filter of acceptability of societal norms they've learned, but if YOU act like you are the authority, people will buy into it. They will think: "He must know something I don't know". It's why in WISNIFG you have the scenario where you demand a refund for a defective lamp and continue to argue the point that, "I understand store policy and what you are saying, that's not good enough, I want a refund." Or the scenario in Models where Mark's friend asks: "Hey honey, can I pee in your butt?" and it actually works. It's not the wacky intro, but the default mindset of, "This is weird, but he might know something I don't, so I'll entertain a conversation." That's not to say they will accept your reality without testing it, shit testing it if you will, but I won't delve into that right now.

So how can we use this information to our advantage in addition to one time encounters?

 

Changing Reality

 

When I say "I know Billy Beta, he's a gamer." How can I say that? Because Billy plays video games. I've seen him do it. A lot. And I feel very comfortable with my ability to peg Billy as that type of person. But let's say Billy just this last few months started getting into Crossfit, and going to bars in his free time to pick up women instead of playing video games. If someone asks me now: "Who is Billy?" Can I say he's a gamer? Not really. I can't really tell what he is right now. And as a Joe Schmoe of society that makes me uneasy because in a world where everything is 'supposed to' have it's place, Billy now does not. People love being able to put you in a place. To feel comfortable that they know you. And they will actually fight to keep you in a place that they know. It's the classic crabs in a bucket analogy. If one crab tries to climb out of the bucket to the unknown, others will attempt to pull him back in. Now let's say Billy continues this behavior for the next 12 months. When someone asks me: "Who is Billy?" Now I'd have to say: "Oh Billy? He's into Crossfit and pickup."

So who is Billy? Billy is simply a representation of the ideas Billy consistently conjures in my head. He is not a person, he is not an individual, he is a group of thoughts in my mind of what I think of when I think "Billy". And most importantly those thoughts can change over time. I will always know what Billy used to be, but the more Billy is something different, the more my mind's image of Billy changes to suit that new image. Do I have any say in what Billy changes into? No. Can I hold on to a false reality of what Billy no longer is? No.

 

So how does this apply in marriage? If you've just found TRP you are the collection of behaviors, likely beta behaviors, in your wife's head. You may be into sports or have a degree in Engineering, but with respect to mate material...you are a beta provider. You got this way from months to years of being a beta provider. But through slow, methodical digestion of the RP concepts you can change.

And I say slow and methodical on purpose. There's a sign in my gym that the trainers change every now and then. Recently it said: It takes 4 weeks for you to start seeing results. It takes 8 weeks for results to start showing to others. It takes 12 weeks for others to begin to notice your results. As you digest these ideas and improve over time, keep this sign's message in your head. And realize the realistic message it is giving: It takes 12 weeks for others to begin to notice your results. Begin to notice. This means that anytime you start applying something new, even if you're 4 months in on RP and just finished WISNIFG and decide to start applying it, it'll take 12 weeks for your wife to begin to notice this change in you IF she starts to notice it then at all. Then after she notices, it'll likely take several months for her to start adopting it as the new you. To replace that old image of you in her head. This is why we advise newbies to Go Slow. Because not only does it take some time to start changing that mental model of you in your wife and those around you, but it also takes that amount of time to change your OWN mental model; to congeal the thoughts of what being a RP dude is.

And like the crabs in the bucket, your wife may resist this change once she spots it. But the point is it can be done. I disagree with the idea that if your wife met you as a Beta and you married as a Beta then you'll never be recognized as an Alpha. Surely you'll never reach the stage you would have reached had you been Alpha through and through. But over time as you begin to phase out the collection of ideas that you were to her in the past, more and more she will adopt the opinion that you're pretty damn close.

 

Remember. You define you. You judge you. It's almost like you have a superpower where you are free to impose what you are to other people onto them. Have the mental mantra of : "Accept my reality. Adopt my frame. This is who I decide to be. You have no power to change it."