From /u/UEMcGill's post - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4cr8no/the_value_proposition/d1lvl88

/u/spiderman1221 asked a really good question after I took issue to his statement of "I do believe we need to be aware that sometimes women are just harpies regardless of the man" (emphasis mine). He asked,

I guess my question to you is, why do we next a woman if my statement does not contain truth? Or is it that my statement contains truth but I should not view it that way? I do understand the concept of appreciating women for being women but isn't this whole post about realizing that sometimes a woman(or anything really) does not bring value to your life regardless of you?

You're not wrong.

Sometimes women are just harpies. But the point is that that's a terrible starting point.

People see what they want to see - they find confirmation bias real easily. If you start with a negative mindset, you're going to find reasons to amplify it. Start with a positive mindset, e.g. "Women are generally awesome."

The change in mindset shifts any negative interaction from being a woman problem to being a me problem.

See, in general, we have positive self views. We think that we're cool and awesome and deserve better. This is not a bad thing. But, when you have a positive clashing with a negative, it's just too easy to deflect blame onto the negative.

In this case, if a woman reacts poorly to you and your default position is "women can be shitty", the logical conclusion would be "this is another example of women being shitty" because it can't be a me issue because I'm awesome.

If a woman reacts poorly to you and your default position is "women are generally awesome", the conclusion is much harder to reach. It becomes more of an exercise to figure out what the root cause is.

Once you have internalized that most people are decent, then it's much easier to be honest in your assessment of whether people add value or not. When there's conflict, it's a lot harder to default to "well, they're wrong" when you start off with an assumption that the differing opinion is generally right.

Get rid of preconceived biases and assess things as neutrally and honestly as possible. If I start off from the position that a woman should be X, and she's not X, all that does is feed my ego that I'm right and she's wrong. This is 100% ego and 100% bullshit. Kill the ego.

Be grounded in reality instead of your own presumptions, delusions, and arrogances.

Alternatively - if you're going to assume women are generally shitty, be sure to understand that I am generally shitty as well.

tl;dr - nexting a woman because you suck just means you'll repeat the same mistake next time. nexting a woman because they suck means actually increasing the value in your life.


The mindset with which you approach life, challenges, and disagreements is probably the most important thing that you can have as you try to do good in life.