Last week's post about a wife going to drinks with coworkers struck a cord with me because I noticed 99 comments and 2 distinct camps. I added my 2 cents but later realized the logic of the other side. To summarize, a wife has been going out with male ex-coworkers to get drinks. Husband wants to know if he needs to draw a hard line or let it go and play aloof.
I was staunchly in the draw a hard line and don't back down camp. I see it as a sign of disrespect, and once a man loses that respect, it's difficult to recover. Now, after following the thread I see the strategy of playing aloof so the underlying problem can be addressed first, which is the lack of feelz from her husband and the desire to get it from a group of fun-loving, partying male co-workers. Of course she could just want attention from every guy she meets, but let's just go with the more probable scenario that her husband isn't providing enough stimulus and she's bored.
What struck me in the comments was the tendency for both camps to criticize the other side instead of realizing they both could be valid depending on the circumstance.
Play out a couple scenarios because the wife/husband dynamic determines which course is more effective.
Scenario One: I tell my wife if she continues disrespecting me with these guys then it will jeopardize my monogamy which is already hanging on by a thread. Tell her if she wants to open the pandoras box of drinking with the opposite sex, then let's do it but don't get hurt feelings. Result: Either she calls my bluff and we now have a semi-open relationship, she stops seeing the dudes, feels guilty and has loyalty to her husband, or she still sees them but behind my back.
Scenario Two: I play aloof and crack a few jokes but make an effort to add some feelz back in the relationship. Plan some trips, have a few date nights, and generally be more fun to be around so she gets that validation from me. Either she stops boozing it with dudes because I'm once again Mr. Goodtimes until she gets bored again, or she now double-dips and gets entertained by both groups and I really have to work on DNGAF.
Wrapping up, my conclusion was that you know which approach is best for your relationship. I could also see using both at different times - acting aloof until she crosses some line like being out past midnite then going ultimatum.
The point is that I didn't see anyone in the comments mention that we're all on the same team working for the same results and sometimes it's just two different but equally effective strategies. The discourse can turn into the Democrat v Republican or Christian v Atheist debates where one takes a stand and anyone who disagrees is a moron. Most of the topics of MRP are black and white and listed clearly on the sidebar. But the gray area does exist and it would be beneficial to identify those early and keep it constructive. I'm here to improve. I can't learn and change if I think my opinion is always and only correct.
Also, coming up on my 1 year MRP anniversary and wanted to say thanks for the help.