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Abusive mother and relationships have destroyed my mental health and grades

April 23, 2023

I’m (25) finishing my master’s and recent events brought back a lot of issues I thought I moved on from.

My mother was always manipulative, mentally and emotionally abusive. Recently my grandmother, who she lives with, had health issues come up and she needed help getting to appointments. I had cut my mother out of my life about a year ago but my grandmother isn’t great with phones and my brother (17) doesn’t need to be stressed by me asking him times I needed to be home from college to take our grandmother so I have been in touch with her again. She has used this opportunity to continue a lot of what she had previously done and I was mostly able to ignore it until she made a few remarks about something I thought she didn’t know about. A year and a half ago I got engaged to someone I had been close friends with for years and dating the prior 2. It ended up falling apart, she was raped while visiting family a few states away and spiraled, I blamed myself because it occurred when I was supposed to have been with her but coworkers quit and left us shorthanded so I picked up some shifts and planned for a short vacation to visit her family for the holidays and she knew and agreed that it was a good idea. In a previous relationship my girlfriend at the time lied about being pregnant so I would stay, the relationship hadn’t been going well for a while. She drugged me when we went out for drinks with some of her friends and woke up with her on me. I left after that incident and never heard from her after blocking her on everything, the last I heard she had been deported because she was here on an expired student visa. My mother basically said that it was my fault because I ruined her life and my ex’s. Normally I can ignore what she says and has said but this time was different, I haven’t been able to stay home alone, work on assignments without becoming a nervous wreck or feeling like I need to shower because I feel disgusting. It’s heavily affected my grades and I’m supposed to graduate next month but the way I’m going I won’t, I need to talk to my professors about my situation but I feel disgusted with myself and have it in my head they’ll ridicule me and haven’t opened my email the last 2 weeks because of it.

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Post Information
Title Abusive mother and relationships have destroyed my mental health and grades
Author throwawayobvious-_-
Upvotes 23
Comments 3
Date April 23, 2023 5:39 AM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit /r/MenSupportMen
Archive Link
Original Link
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[–]Cyb3rd31ic_Citiz3n 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

First of all, don't panic. You're still young and have plenty of time to adjust and settle into a life that makes you happy.

Second, parents can fuck you up - but you don't need to take any heed to their nonsense. You know she is toxic, expect her to be toxic and do what's necassary. She is a liar. Ignore her for as long as you can.

Third, go speak to your teachers. I promise this is not the first time they've heard a story like yours. I work in education and whilst not common it isn't as rare as you'd think.

[–]Nightwynd[🍰] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Bro, why are you putting this out to the world on Reddit? You know what to do already. GO SEE A PRO. You need to see a therapist, help you process everything. Pet out an email to your professors and just blanket apologize without saying why, and due to recent events in your personal life causing a lot of stress and anxiety, whatever. Basically beg for time and understanding, ask for a way to make up the lost grades once the dust settles. Because it WILL settle.

Breathe. Then go call a therapist. Copy/paste your post to them. ACT.

[–]help1848482 [score hidden]  (0 children) | Copy Link

like other people said, it seems like you need to seek therapy stuff. i do not have advice since i am also in a bad state but i believe you and support you. about your one ex there is r/MenGetRapedToo that could help, but i dont know about your mom.

if you tell your professors just that you are having a really bad time with mental health they should understand without u having to explain why because it’s not like people tell people exactly what sickness they have when they say they are sick and stuff either

i have been told some colleges have counselors so maybe you can go to them and ask about therapy options or just go to them for support ?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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