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As a 20 year old guy, I want to improve interpersonal relationships and dialogues with other men, how can I go on about this?

Cookiecuttermaxy
September 28, 2022
13 upvotes
/r/MenSupportMen

Unfortunately the reality is men most men are very ego-driven and are always trying be a leader of the pack amongst other men in their group settings whether it be at work, school, gym, church, wherever you go with a large gathering of a decent bunch of men

Yeah of course you have you fair share of goofballs, IE men with no sense of seriousness or urgency, but I am just as repulsed by those men tbh as much as those who are overly-stoic ego-driven 'brick walls'

I like being around men who are just simple, but also easy to understand and get along with, and still have some self respect and aren't a total goofball. Yet sadly I cannot say most men fit this bill, as I said most men I encounter are either extreme of those 2 binaries mentioned: Complete overly stoic brick walls or immature goofballs, no healthily-minded young men around my age

How do I find the men to vibe with? What's a good setting? Work? School? More public venues like the gym or the mall? Cause like I really want to practice my vibing chemistry with other men, but like its getting rarer and rarer to see this one male archetype: The type that doesn't take everything seriously, yet still has some self-respect, self-modesty and has principles and moral integrity he tries to live up to. A man who's down to Earth, but can still call people on their bullshit and put them in their place

How do I find my "tribe'' of men to bond with? How do I avoid appearing desperate to gain their respect? All tips appreciated

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Post Information
Title As a 20 year old guy, I want to improve interpersonal relationships and dialogues with other men, how can I go on about this?
Author Cookiecuttermaxy
Upvotes 13
Comments 5
Date September 28, 2022 7:31 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/MenSupportMen
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/as-a-20-year-old-guy-i-want-to-improve.1133613
https://theredarchive.com/post/1133613
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/xq61ot/as_a_20_year_old_guy_i_want_to_improve/
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Comments

[–]mule_roany_mare 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Unfortunately the reality is men most men are very ego-driven and are always trying be a leader of the pack amongst other men in their group settings whether it be at work, school, gym, church, wherever you go with a large gathering of a decent bunch of men

​

Well, I think I know why you don't get along with men. People generally don't like you when you don't like them.

All I can say is I've spent decades around men & that wasn't my experience. When I was your age all the old timers working too much to see their own kids were practically trying to adopt & mentor me.

If that's really what it's like where you live then you should move. Before that you should spend a lot of time analyzing your biases & figuring out why you think so little of other men.

tldr

If it smells like shit everywhere you go, check your own shoe.

[–]TalkaboutJoudy 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Martial arts? Chess club? Any kind of activity where its not about socialising but doing something together as common goal. good luck

[–]Azihayya 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I found friends in a lot of unlikely places. One of the best places where I found men who were vulnerable with me was in a Christian men's sexual sobriety group. I'm not Christian, but the bonds that I formed with those men during my time in the group were special. Besides that I've found close friends who I've met at the local cafe, from a meetup group based around game design, etc. I can't be super close with all my friends, but some of them I really can open up and be honest with. I'd say it's very much likely based on where you live that determines a lot about what you can do and who you can meet.

[–]Blauwpetje 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Think about this: ‘Girls are always sweet to eachother. Men are always rude to eachother. Neither really mean it.’

[–]ZulutheZebra 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Find your groove, whatever that is and start there. As another poster mentioned I would second a dojo if you are looking for a brotherhood feel. I know you were just being honest labeling most guys as losers or wannabe alphas, but do examine that carefully. People are surprisingly good at reading vibes and if a guy senses you are seeing him as either one of those things he is probably going to not want to be friends with you.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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