I (19 M) has had a low self-esteem and self-worth for a good few years now. After some reflection I have a good idea why. When I was younger I always do my best in everything I do, the problem is that it was partially for the sake of external validation like recognition from my parents due to their expectations, or from my peers in that I wanted to be among the best. But sadly in everything I do, I never seemed to find a niche that I truly excelled at. I was always stuck in the void of "good, but never great or met an arbitrary standard". I was always second place, overlooked, rejected for better people. I always thought there was something wrong and I constantly change myself to get myself closer to that standard, but it's never enough. Even with dating I was always rejected for better people, once again in the realm of fairly attractive but not attractive enough. My self-worth suffered from this and even nearly lost myself trying to meet a standard I may never meet. And that's why my self-esteem became extremely low, that I may never be worthy of many things like success, happiness or even love. Even recent achievements are seen as hollow and things any idiot can do, so I can't even feel pride in those achievements.
So clearly breaking out of that cycle is difficult, I want to see myself as worthy of happiness but some of my life experiences has caused me to write myself off as not having any inherent self-worth, that I had absolutely no value to myself and others. It's almost like I know my worth... and it isn't much...
I'm looking for things that can help break out of this cycle. I already gym regularly so that suggestion is out. This is a long and painful journey so any help, I can appreciate. If not, simply relating to me can help a bit. All I really want in life right now, is to have a positive opinion of myself
