There’s a lot to this but I’ll try to be brief. The only girl I’ve ever dated was with me for six months, and we broke up in March. I slipped into what I know now was a bad depression for a month or two. I tried to get back together with her relentlessly, and came close in July. We spent some quality time together again but she ultimately couldn’t agree to be with me again. This time I was able to move on and stop talking to her… or at least I thought. I keep going back to her. I can only pretend to have interest in other girls. We constantly stop and start talking again. I’m in love with her and I don’t think I can stop, and I don’t think we’ll ever be together and that devastates me. I’m jealous all the time, thinking about who she might be with. The worst part is she’s so toxic - she’s self destructive and isolating, drinks a lot, goes out and does drugs a lot, has plenty of psychological issues that she won’t address… and it’s always about her. But that just draws me in more because I just love her and want to help. I wish I never met her, but I did and I can’t stop. It’s ruining my life and I think I’m slipping into a depression again. I don’t know what I’m looking to hear… I deserve better and I need to cut her out. But I just can’t. Sorry I don’t even know what this post is for. To vent I guess. I’m sick to my stomach as I type this, I hate how much my mental health has deteriorated. Men need more support.