So, I’ve been friends with this girl for a few months. They’re gay and it’s been a clear platonic relationship even though I’m straight and have never had an interest in romantic relationships.
But recently I’ve been feeling it’s a one sided friendship. I used to be able to speak freely and talk normal with them, but now I feel I’m the only one “starting” things.
I initially was thinking “oh, we’ve just exhausted all topics” or “maybe I said something” but nothing came to mind. But as I thought more and more I realized they’d been talking to other people and become good friends with them as well.
I’ll admit I was jealous in the beginning. I never really had people I could trust and call “friends” until recently, so maybe I vested too much into the relationship, and they didn’t so I made an inn-accurate assumption about how much they valued it.
I did accept the jealousy and let it go, mostly I think. I let myself think about how some of their friends might’ve felt when they talked to me more and not them and that helped me get over it.
But it was mostly recently that I’ve been feeling kind of down. I’m in high school and I know that friends will come and go, but I’ve never really had a person I could trust like this and I don’t know what to do. Almost every time we’ve hung out it’s only been because I invited them. And they’ve only invited me twice, both because they needed emotional support or some kind or other.
I feel down and kind of used. They’ll sometimes start conversation, but mainly when they have something to say to me. I don’t like testing people and try to understand them so I’m still going to try and put my effort into being their friend, but I’m not sure they’ll be mine.
I’m sorry this was so long winded and I’m gonna end this here because it’s kind of hard to talk about, I mostly came to vent I guess, I don’t know.