I kinda just started pouring out my heart... if you want to skip all of that my question is at the end.

I'm going through the ringer right now. I'm on the verge of ending a relationship with a girl who frankly never has treated me right. Oddly enough it's because I've twice reached my breaking point while I was drunk and just been frank with her about how I feel like she treats me. Of course she not a fan because things are always stated in the bluntest of ways imaginable.

Anyway after this weekend I have decided to make some changes in my life. I number one am cutting out the alcohol for a while. I'm also cutting something personal from my life. And finally me and my girl are having a long conversation.

At the end of the day I just feel like I really need to talk to someone. I am not getting all that I want from life. I'm tried of being in relationships that am not being treated right in. I'm tried of my professor telling me how talented I am and that they see it and that I just am not applying it.

I go through phases where everything in my life is great. I meditate, don't drink to the point of inebriation or I just don't drink at all, I'm eating clean, I get good sleep, I work out and participate in marital arts and my learning inside and outside of the classroom are superior. And then I hit times like the period I am going through now, where none of that or most of those healthy habits aren't in my life. And that bothers me.

I feel so much, I know I am an emotion person. And I know it's important for men to have and show emotions, it's all a part of the human experience. But I'm tried of being a slave to my emotions. I'm 22 years old and in college I'm so conflicted about everything. I'm not sure if I am different but I want to be happily married within in the next couple year, or at least have found a partner that's heading that way. I want to have kids. I want to be able to provide for my kids in a way that my father never had. I want to be married for the rest of my life and have "death do us part" genuinely mean something, because I know how much divorce has effected my life and my relationships with not only myself, but my mom and world around me. And I refuse to let such a thing happen to my children. But the temptation to just hookup with girls is so strong. I am religious and of course hooking up isn't within my religion. And I just kinda know that hooking up isn't for me.

I want to build a business, but the college atmosphere of pointlessly getting drunk a lot of the nights of the week is strong. And I know that people will say you have time. I've been told that I'm truing to grow up too fast and I should enjoy this last bit of college. And that if things don't work out that there's plenty of time. But, I just feel like I am called for more. And mom and grandma remind me of that basically everyday. I'm not at my lowest, I've been lower in my life and I always come out. I know life comes in waves but I'm just tried of dipping so low.

I could go on for days...

All of this is to say I think often it's me who's standing in the way of what I want from life. And I feel like I just need to talk to a professional to help me along the way. I don't really have a lot of time being a college student with no car, so I think seeing someone online will help me better where I am. I just want to know if these online services are legitimate and what you experience has been like.