Hey guys, I've struggled with this my entire life and I just thought maybe I should just see if there's other things out there I haven't tried or thought of. I was just thinking recently how obsessed with eating and food and trying to not be fat, to no avail, I've been my whole life and yet I've never succeeded in being at a healthy body weight.
Not to mention, going from being the fattest kid and being a walking joke, who is already weird and dealing with abuse and neglect at home, to never experiencing those youthful things like first loves, dating, etc, to entering adulthood with some very firm negative believes about yourself that are perpetually reinforced.
I'm in my mid 30s now and I have spent most of my adult life oscillating from grossly overweight, to losing it, to putting it back on, to losing it, and to never ever being satisfied and only ever seeing a disgusting subhuman blob in the mirror. And also, never being (or feeling) attractive to women and therefore rarely dating to once again reinforce the feelings of being disgusting and worthless.
I've come a long way, worked hard at it such as lifting weights for several years and generally being my own friend and so on, I'm always trying, and I feel like I've come so far. I've been back on another improvement stage after a long time spiralling downward, but I'm struggling once again the manage my eating and the gnawing loneliness and general feelings of futility. I know so much of it is momentum. But I don't know what to do sometimes, and if it even matters.