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i am a 25 year old virgin and i am getting frustrated

August 8, 2022

All of my friends are having sexual partners and i feel jealous about it. Its not like they bully me or anything, however some light jokes are sometimes said and in hindsight they hurt way more than they should. I feel like i am actually a pretty attractive guy, and I'm approachable, but i am quite introverted so i don't like going out of my way to meet new people. It feels fake, as if I'm not staying true to myself. I like talking to people but only for a very limited time each day. Some friends have recommended i go on Tinder, but i feel like Tinder is only good for meaningless hookups. I am looking for a solid relationship, where sex is just a fun and healthy bonus to strengthen our connection. I just hope i won't stay a virgin for much longer, its become bigger in my head than it should. If anyone know something that will help, or if you have a similar experience, let me know. I am interested in what you have to say!

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Post Information
Title i am a 25 year old virgin and i am getting frustrated
Author NoJournalist808
Upvotes 34
Comments 14
Date August 8, 2022 9:12 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/MenSupportMen
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]InitiatePenguin 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I just want to point out that your desire to no longer be a virgin doesn't have to be mutually exclusive with a solid relationship. That depends on your own values, but it may be easier to address part of what you feel is an issue that trying to have it all be fixed with a single solution.

If being a virgin is causing enough issues beyond simply not being in a relationship than you could consider working towards that first, build that confidence and then seek a longer relationship. Even if that doesn't involve trying tinder.

[–]Daemonicus 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Maybe you should embrace the meaningless hookups for a while.

You don't have to immediately jump into a relationship, or try and force one. Just go with the flow, with whatever happens.

Just hop on a couple dating apps, see how things go. Meet with people, see if there's a connection, and go from there. If it ends up just being a hookup, embrace it for what it is. If it develops into something more, than embrace that too.

Don't limit your experiences, and don't unnecessarily force things to go one way or another. Just relax, and enjoy your life.

[–]BlueDragonZombie 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You are perfect just how you are. People don't fit into categories and timeframes as easily as we want them to. I think it's super cool that you're being honest about what you want and you don't need "the norm" to pressure you into meaningless hookups. I guess internally, make sure that you aren't avoiding sex for fear-based reasons, and if you find that you have a healthy perspective toward it, step outside of your introvert comfort zone and do the things you need to do to meet somebody and see if they feel like a good match to you. Tinder isn't the only option. I am married and don't know a ton about the apps, but if you go the app route, I think there are other ones with a more relationship-focus rather than hookup-focus. Just don't be ashamed, it's just fine that it's taken you a while to figure out what you want.

[–]UnHope20 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It can be tough to feel like you're missing out or embarrassed or whatever someone may feel. But to be honest, I'd say that your experience is closer to the norm of men your age rather than an outlier.

A lot of young people aren't having sex these days, hell there's even data to suggest that the people in relationships are having less sex than people did just a decade ago.

This isn't to invalidate your concerns. It can suck. But I 10 years from now when you're married to an amazing person or if you're still single playing the field this will seem like just a period on the way to becoming the person you're going to be.

Frankly I advise against just trying to lose your virginity for the hell of it because too but desperation can cause you to make poor decisions... The kind that cost 30% of your income for the next 18 years, the kind that you have to take strong antimicrobial drugs to get rid of or keep under control, the kind that can get you accused of something that will be on your record for life. The kind of stuff that can lead to a lot of heartache.

No rush, there are billions of people in the world and I promise that at least 500 million would lay up with you if given the chance.

[–]TheRealGreenDay 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

In my experience, some of my best relationships have started as meaningless hookups. I'm currently in a relationship that started out that way and day one, I felt like I was in love with her.

A deep connection can very easily come from something like a hookup, it's hot a bad rap these days but almost everyone around me has found a long term partner from something that felt meaningless to begin with.

Sex is something that requires so much intimacy that's kind of hard not to catch some kind of feelings for the other person. Just make sure you don't become infatuated with someone you hooked up with and find yourself with the wrong person. Keep your wits about you, time can reveal far more things than you expected.

That being said, stick to your standards. Don't necessarily go for the first girl who's willing if you end up wanting to take that route. That's the only way it could become truly meaningless.

Feel free to DM me if you need to chat about it.

[–]windowpass 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Being an introvert, meaningless hookups were my only way to connect with people. Small talk was not my strong suit. And just like you, I couldn't feign interest in social situations. I felt fake... I felt sick with myself when I tried.

I honestly had no other way of meeting or connecting with people other than sex/hookups.

It was a learning experience. I learned how other (more sociable) people live and think. Most of these experiences lead to heartbreak, and a couple led to meaningless relationships that left me with lasting emotional and physical damage. All in all, I feel I was very much socially pressured into it under the exact same circumstances you are describing. I felt I Had to do it to "prove myself to myself" or "for the heck of the experience."

I imagine many women feel the same way. Truth is there are literally hundreds of millions of men who wait until much later in life to have sex. And many others who never have sex at all.

There is no guidebook to life. There is no manual. No Spec sheet. You create your own guidelines.

You create your own guidelines.


The sooner you embrace this truth and take full responsibility for what you genuinely want in life, the sooner you will feel at peace with yourself and the sooner you will get there.

I eventually met someone on a more *serious* dating app that made me wish I had never had sex with anyone else before I met her. Genuine love and compatibility is nice.

[–]Peptocoptr 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

As far as I'm concerned, screw Tinder. I'm either trying Bumble of Turn Up

[–]pandejopanda 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

As a fellow introvert, you need to make the effort to get out and meet people otherwise you will not grow and develop. It's good to have social skills even if you hate using them.

I implement a one drink rule for first dates. That's the expectation. So if there's no spark it's thanks for your time, have a good life. If she can actually have an engaging conversation I ask if she would like to stay longer. We both have the option after that one drink to call it though.

It seems to work well, saves time but also gets you out meeting ppl.

Tinder can be absolute trash but I've also met some great people on their. Maybe just try it and see if you like it yourself. And don't forget, you don't have to fuck. It's your choice.

Good luck.

[–]amit8910 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

24 and the same story. I try not to think much of it. Being an introvert doesn't help. :(

[–]mule_roany_mare 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Regardless of how things should be, or could be, you aren’t going to get laid or a relationship unless you put some work in.

Your friends recommend tinder? So try it. You won’t be forced to go any further than you are comfortable with.

also join bumble where girls have yo message first.

also figure out activities to meet & talk to women. If unless you are a 10/10 they aren’t going to beat down your door & overlook your timidness.

Relationships take practice & skill. They are also worth it.

[–]psychosythe 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you already feel like you don't have as many opportunities as you should I would stay away from dating apps in general. They are lovingly hand-crafted to make you feel like you have to pay money to get people to notice you and that's obviously not what you want.

I'd also advise you to reconsider your stance on 'Meaningless hookups'. Because frankly, most relationships are also meaningless wastes of time. Unless you believe that every experience helps build you towards being a better person, but then hookups wouldn't be meaningless either no?

[–]goronslime -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Maybe try a prostitue just to get the first time done?

[–]Toasted__Water -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Virginity is nothing but a social construct, physically, there’s not really any way to tell if someone’s a virgin or not, especially for guys. I’m the same way when it comes to dating, I’d rather have one good long relationship with someone I love than several short meaningless ones. Hookups are cool and all, but you’ll find much more fulfillment when you work on yourself and strengthen your mind.

[–]Tm_1985 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I will be the first to admit I was in the same boat as you. I thought I would never have sex and I was 26 when it first happen. At the time I was working on my emotional issues. Having lost my dad and losing a friend who was my secret crush, really screwed me up. But I was friendly to girl at work (mind you I wrote friendly not overly friendly, that’s a turn off for them) and one night I get a call at work and guess who it was? The girl. Long story short we used to talk about how big of an asshole her back then boyfriend was to her and how someday we needed to meet for drinks. That day came a year after she quit the company. She got me drunk and naked and I was no longer a virgin. What I’m getting at is do not lose hope , good things happen when you least expect them, also don’t be too nice to women. Sometimes you need to act a bit like you don’t care for them to crave you. And relationships aren’t necessary, just make sure they don’t have an std and always protect yourself.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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