I had an early sexual experience that likely is the reason I’m messed up

I had a sexual experience really young

I just found this community, don’t know if it’s still active. I posted this story in another sub too. I was around 7 or 8 years old and me and my family were having a barbecue. Nothing special, no special event, just a ordinary Sunday and decided to get a little family get together with family and friends. I was kind of anti social so I stayed upstairs until it was time to eat. Fast forward past the eating, playing games, coming down to talk to people, going outside playing with some friends and cousins, etc. It was around 8 PM, it was dark, and everyone was going home. My mom and auntie decided that my aunt was staying over. Now, I was hyped about it because my auntie and cousins were AWESOME and they were fun.

So I got excited, and my cousins did too. I have three cousins from this specific aunt. M-7, F-3, and F-15. One of my cousins (F-15) had two friends over (both F, one was 15 and the other 17. She was turning 18 the week after this happened). It was kinda weird she had a friend that was 17 when she was 15 but I didn’t care too much, she was really pretty. So it was 1 in the morning everyone is sleep except for me, my cousins friend (F-17) and my cousin (F-15). We were up watching Madea (don’t remember which one) laughing it up and just chatting.

I got up and said I was going to go get some water cause I was thirsty, and my cousins friend said she was coming with me. Here’s how it went.

Me: imma go get some water Cousins friend: I’m gonna go with you Me: why lol I don’t need you to come with me Cousin: stop being mean 🤣 Me: I’m not I’m just saying Cousins friend: boy shut up, I’m thirsty too. You think you’re the only one that can get thirsty? Me: no lol I was just joking (I wasn’t. She hit me a lot so I didn’t want to get hit lmao)

We get downstairs and I get a cup for me and her, then we put out cups in the fridge thing and get some ice and water (i don’t know if you guys know what I’m talking about. The fridge that has a thing where you can make water and ice). She started a light conversation about how school was, about how I’m funny, and all that stuff then she started giving me compliments that I find creepy now that I look back on it. “You have a nice chest”, “you have a nice butt”, then she said “I swear if you was my age I would have been sucked you off”. I’m like wait wait hold up what? What do you mean suck me off? She said “it’s when a girl puts a boys wee wee in her mouth and sucks it like candy”.

She asked if I wanted to try it. I said no, she said okay. We drunk our water, she gave me her ice to eat, and we went back upstairs when the movie was over (it was already almost over when I got up to get water). My cousin was still up so all three of us chatted it up again, put on another movie until we fell asleep which my cousin did. I turned the tv off and got in the bed with my cousin. My cousins friend asked can she get in with us and I said sure, but she’s gonna have to lay at the end (I would never lay my head at the end, was too scared something was gonna snatch me up since the closet was on the other side lol). She said okay then we laid down. Lights off, and everyone’s sleep.

Now I don’t know what time it was when I woke up to her doing it to me, but tbh I don’t care what time it was, I was more focused at what she was doing. I woke up to find her sucking my dick. I pushed her head away and yelled why she was being weird, and she told me she just wanted to see what it tasted like. I told her she’s a weirdo and I’m telling my mom. She told me if I tell anyone she wouldn’t be able to ever come back and I said I didn’t care. I went to the bathroom and stayed in there for a LONG TIME. Probably hours. Just thinking about what the heck I just woke up to.

Never told anyone like I said I was though. Still never told anyone. It was just so weird especially at that age. She was a older girl sucking off a little boy. And to be real, it didn’t even feel all that good, it actually hurt. she was probably sucking it way too hard. And then at that it had spit all over it, and it was all wet. I don’t know where she is in her life, but then again idc lol. Just something I wanted to share :)

If anyone else has had this experience pls let me know in the comments. Boys that had this done to them by girls preferably but it doesn’t matter.